“It sure is ugly.”
“Ugly, never hurt a thing.”
I scoffed. “Oh, ugly has hurt some things. It’s just that pretty hurts more.”
“Internet: What do you want for your birthday?
Virtual Cole: to stay young forever
Cole texted me:
Actually I want you”
“Why did you even come here, Cole?”
I touched her chin. This place, this beautiful place, this girl, this beautiful girl, this music, this life. “I came here for you.”
“It was the first time I'd really realized I'd lost my soul and that the beauty of not having a soul was that you couldn't seem to care that you no longer had one.”
“I asked,”Are you going to pick up next time I call you?”
”I did this time didn’t I?”
“Say yes.”
“Yes. Conditionally yes.”…...
…”What conditions.?”
“Sometimes you do things like call me forty times a day and leave obscene voicemails and that’s why I don’t pick up.”
“Ridiculous. That doesn’t sound like me. I’d never call an even number of times.”
“You and I both know that love is for children,'' he said. ''We're adults. Compatibility is for adults.''
''Compatibility is for my Bluetooth and my car,'' Teresa replied. ''Only they get along just fine, and my car never makes my bluetooth feel like shit.”
“I can't change the way I'm made. I'm a performer, a singer, a werewolf, a sinner.”
“My good mood felt like an endangered species.”
“It was like when you had been unhappy and didn't know it until you weren't anymore.”
“Cole said, “You’re the only good thing I’ve ever done in my life.” I replied, “I’m sorry I’m such a wreck.”
“Wait —” Sam said. “Have you seen Isabel yet?”
My fingers still felt the shape of her. “Da. We embraced.
Angels sang, Sam. Those fat ones. Cherubs. Cherubim. I
must go.”
“Don’t bite people.”
“And suddenly I was just eaten by nostalgia, for a past that wasn't mine.”
“It's not about the landing. It's about the flying.”
“Luck,” Jeremy scoffed softly. “There’s no luck.”
“Then what?”
“Your feet take you where you need to be.”
I thought about this. “My feet have taken me to some pretty rough places.”
“That was your dick, dragging your feet along with.”
“As I pulled aside the linen curtain to the back room, I heard the front door open again. If it was Christina returning to make a second effort at my leggings, I was going to be forced to get loud, and I didn't like getting loud.
But it wasn't Christina I heard at the front of the store.
Instead, a very familiar voice said, "No, no, I'm looking for something very particular. Oh, wait, I just saw it."
I turned around.
Cole St. Clair smiled lazily at me.
I gave so many damns at once that it actually hurt.”
“Since we started this conversation,” I said, “two hundred babies have been born on this planet. And what have we accomplished? You have eaten that thing.”
“I came back because I had to. Because there was nothing wrong in the world except that I was getting older in it. Because Sam and Grace had told me I should go if that was what I
wanted.
What I wanted was:
I wanted.
Isabel —”
“Why can’t I do it?” [Isabel] asked….
“Do what?”
“Just forget about everything. Just go somewhere and get smashed and pretend like there are no problems or consequences. I know why. Because there are still problems and consequences. And going and--and--partying doesn’t make them go away. I feel like I’m the only sane person in the world. I don’t get why this whole world runs on stupidity.”
“Are you still on Minnesota time?” I asked.
“I am on whatever time makes this call last longer,” he said.
“What’s the next meal from now?”
“The others slithered and crawled to get her the tanks and the belt, unaware that in order to really get my look, you had to accessorize with death in the family and generalized heartbreak.”
“Sofia,” I said, lowering my sandwich from my mouth. The edge of the bread had a red mark on it from my lipstick. “If you don’t take that man’s jacket, I’m going to set something on fire.”
Cole immediately came to life.
Jeremy shook his head slowly. “No man. Not here.”
He said it with such lazy, muted humor that it suddenly seemed obvious that they’d been in a band together. That he, anyway, knew Cole in a way those fangirls did not.”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t understand Jeremy getting a new band while I was missing/dead/etc. I was sure I would have done the same thing in his position. Well, I would have started one, not joined one, because I don’t really like team sports unless I’ve invented both the team and the sport.”
“I deal with the crap as it happens, and then it's gone. When you don't think about it, it lives forever.”
“I tried to think of what an actual human would say in this situation. I asked, “Are you okay?” Sofia began to cry, which was exactly why I generally tried to avoid being a human.”
“I called Grace right before I went into the diner. Actually, I called Sam, but Grace answered his phone.
“It’s the end,” I said. “I’m going to breakfast with my
parents.”
“I had the worst dream about you last night,” Grace mused.
“Did I go around L.A. biting people? Because that already
happened.”
“No,” she replied. “You came home.”
“It'll get easier," Paolo said.
But I knew that. That was the worst part. The worst part was that eventually you forgot about the people you loved. The dead ones and the ones who raised you and the ones you wanted to be with at the end of the day.”
“Even when I was happy, I felt like I was always looking for the edges on life. The seams. I was so perfectly born to die.”
“I was so tired of being alone, but I was always alone, even when I was with people around me. And I was so tired of being surrounded, but I was always surrounded, even when I was by myself.”
“I couldn't decide if he was four or nine or twelve. I had no idea of the specifics of children. He was too young to drive, but old enough to be able to turn doorknobs.”
“I didn’t want to feel like I was the only person in the world who hated people.”
“You have to be a little bad to make history.”
“My father thought I would lead a simple life; that I was bright but unambitious, complacant with whatever work life threw at me.
My father, as usual, was wrong.”
“He turned away and his hands grabbed something. A tiny purple Albertosaurus, and the note she’d given him with it. If she could’ve felt her chest, her heart would’ve skipped a beat.”
“You understood my soul, I thought, and now others are coming only to sack my heart of all its riches. What am I to do? We argued, yes, you and I, but it was with loving respect, was it not? I cannot endure without you. Please come to me, from wherever you are.”
“Deciding on the right thing to do in a situation is a bit like deciding on the right thing to wear to a party. It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier. It might seem right to wear a navy blue suit, for instance, but when you arrive there could be several other people wearing the same thing, and you could end up being handcuffed due to a case of mistaken identity. It might seem right to wear your favorite pair of shoes, but there could be a sudden flood at the party, and your shoes would be ruined. And it might seem right to wear a suit of armor to the party, but there could be several other people wearing the same thing, and you could end up being caught in a flood due to a case of mistaken identity, and find yourself drifting out to sea wishing that you were wearing deep-sea diving equipment after all. The truth is that you can never be sure if you have decided on the right thing until the party is over, and by then it is too late to go back and change your mind, which is why the world is filled with people doing terrible things and wearing ugly clothing, and so few volunteers who are able to stop them.”
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