“I’m a Russian. Without the Motherland, I’d be nothing.”
“No, that’s not the style of these people,’ explained Maxy. ‘You shouldn’t think of these Bolsheviks as modern politicians. They were religious fanatics. Their Marxism was fanatical; their fervour was semi-Islamic; and they saw themselves as members of a secret military-religious order like the medieval Crusaders or the Knights Templar. They were ruthless, amoral and paranoid. They believed that millions would have to die to create their perfect world. Family, love and friendship were nothing compared to the holy grail. People died of gossip at Stalin’s court. For a man like Satinov, secrecy was everything.”
“- Nego, kako ti je žena?
On odmahnu glavom.
- Ja sam duhom daleko od svog doma. Dolazim i odlazim kao avet. Uviđam i sam da sumnjam u sve u šta sam nekada verovao.
- (...) a s kim ti razgovaraš?
- Ni sa kim. Ne sa svojom ženom. Pomislim ponekad kako si ti možda jedina s kojom ne moram da se pretvaram jer nas dvoje se samo napola znamo, nismo bliski prijatelji, shvataš?
Sašenjka se nasmeši.
- Kakav smo mi čudan par!
Zatvorila je oči i pustila da joj vetar i pahuljice snega hlade lice.”
“Mi pisci imamo neku tajnu koja nas održava u životu i daje nam nadu, mada znamo da to što pišemo nikad nećemo moći da objavimo. Isak Babelj radi na nečemu tajnom, Miša Bulgakov piše roman o đavolu u Moskvi. Ali niko ih nikad neće čitati. Niko ni mene neće čitati.”
“Young Stalin Stalin: The Court of the Red Tsar Potemkin: Catherine the Great’s Imperial Partner”
“Šta bi bilo kada bih ti sad rekao, bez glupiranja, da kroz ova vrata ulazimo u tajni svet u kojem niko ne može da nas vidi i takne, svet u kome ću te voleti više od samog života? Znam da nije palata. Možda je samo bedna baštenska šupa, ali je i šupa u kojoj želim da te obožavam i volim ne traćeći više ni sekund svog kratkog života u ovom zlokobnom svetu. Možda smešno zvuči, ali došla si u leto mog života. Ja nisam star, ali nisam više ni mlad, i poznajem sebe. Ti si jedina žena mog života, žena koje ću se setiti na samrti. (...) Benja je uze u zagrljaj i ona po njegovom pogledu i čvrstini njegovih usana nasluti da ozbiljno misli ono što je rekao, da je stvarno voli i da je ovaj trenutak, u njihovom intimnom svetu, jedan od onih svetih događaja koji se zbivaju jednom ili dvaput u životu, a nekome se nikada i ne dogode.”
“You’re too cute, Katinka, for a historian.”
“Nijedan dan, nijedan sat, nijedan minut nije prošao a da ga nije razdirala želja da je vidi, da joj priča, da je dodiruje. Žudeo je da se naslađuje gledajući je, da napoji svoja sećanja, tako da posle, kad više ne bude s njom, može u mislima da je dodirne i oseti. (...) Ali ljubav uvek rađa patnju. (...) Može li to potrajati? Ne smemo gubiti ni trenutka, pomislio je.”
“Of all the sciences cultivated by mankind, Astronomy is acknowledged to be, and undoubtedly is, the most sublime, the most interesting, and the most useful. For, by knowledge derived from this science, not only the bulk of the Earth is discovered . . . ; but our very faculties are enlarged with the grandeur of the ideas it conveys, our minds exalted above [their] low contracted prejudices."
JAMES FERGUSON, 1757†
Long before anyone knew that the universe had a beginning, before we knew that the nearest large galaxy lies two million light-years from Earth, before we knew how stars work or whether atoms exist, James Ferguson’s enthusiastic introduction to his favorite science rang true. Yet his words, apart from their eighteenth-century flourish, could have been written yesterday.
But who gets to think that way? Who gets to celebrate this cosmic view of life? Not the migrant farmworker. Not the sweatshop worker. Certainly not the homeless person rummaging through the trash for food. You need the luxury of time not spent on mere survival. You need to live in a nation whose government values the search to understand humanity’s place in the universe. You need a society in which intellectual pursuit can take you to the frontiers of discovery, and in which news of your discoveries can be routinely disseminated.”
“Nothing else fills me with as much elation as chasing down soaring music, catching and pinning rhythms to the ground with my feet, proud as a hunter rejoicing in his skill. The”
“We are all subject to the fates. But we must all act as if we are not, or die of despair...death will sweep through all the worlds; it will be the triumph of despair, forever. The universes will all become nothing more than interlocking machines, blind and empty of thought, feeling, life...”
“You are so wet,” you enthuse. “See how much you love to be punished,
little one?”
“Yes, sir,” I whimper, physically fighting the urge to push myself back
onto your finger. I want you inside me so much. I would beg if I thought
you’d take pity on me, but I know you. My punishment is far from over
yet…”
“I am, I believe, a young man on whom a grand joke is being played, fated to live one century, perhaps a second, perhaps a third, only to be scrubbed and rescrubbed from the record, to exit, if I ever do, as if I'd never existed at all.”
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