Rabbletown: Life in These United Christian States of Holy America

New beatitudes came from him [Bobby]: “Blessed are those who live in hovels, for God will give them palaces in heaven.” He gave them new commandments: “God weeps when anyone kills in his name; kill not. “God hates hate; hate not. “God loves love; love more. “You need not trust in God; you need hope that God will trust in you. "You are your own master. The way is within you.

I am Christ as he was. He is not important; his way is important," Bobby answered. "Tell us about the way," another Evangel in the crowd asked. "Love is the way; hate is not the way. "Kindness is the way. Humility is the way. Beauty is the way. "Pride is not the way. Arrogance is not the way. Boasting is not the way. "Giving is the way. Taking is not the way. "Follow the way and it will lead you to God. Jesus is the way. "The way is in each of you. You are your own master and savior.

Woe! Woe! Woe! "Woe be unto the pastors that destroy and scatter the sheep of His pasture! "Woe to him that buildeth a town with blood and by iniquity! "Woe unto you that are rich! For ye have received your consolation! "Woe to the pastors who are brutish and have not sought the Lord! "Woe to the Inquisitors, for Jesus will inquire unto them! "Blessed are the faggots, for their voices will be an angel's choir. "Blessed is my sister, Lila, for heaven is within her. "Blessed are the rabble, for they shall know God. "But woe upon you, for the evil of your own doings shall be visited upon you. "Let my sister go!

...the way is the healer's way: do no harm.

Blessed be the stone masons, for they shall lay bricks of gold on the streets of heaven for their wives to walk upon. Blessed are the sowers and harvesters, for they shall live again in the Garden of Eden. Blessed are the bartenders, for Jesus will serve them. Blessed are the prostitutes, for Jesus will embrace them. Woe unto the pastors who preach hate, for they shall live in eternal hate. Woe unto the pastors who become brutes, for their flocks shall be scattered. Woe unto the Inquisitors, for Jesus will inquire unto them.

On April 1, the Holy Spirit descended into the body of President Jerry Falwell I, who, it turned out, was in the last year of his life on this world, and God spoke. He wanted them to form God’s Church of the Evangels and he wanted all Americans to have a chance to convert to that true church. Those who did not would be an abomination to the Lord. All the leaders present recognized the voice of the Holy Spirit and fell to their knees and all instantly joined the newly -formed church. The Great Conversion had begun. Interestingly enough, April 1 used to be known as April Fool’s Day and people played practical jokes on each other , but of course it is now Jerry Falwell Day and the holiday is celebrated with praises to the Holy Spirit.