Promise You Won't Tell?

I’m confident with the possible exception of Texas, it’s illegal to use your employees for target practice.

He’s six-three, and so skinny my mom would say there’s more meat on a butcher’s apron.

Maybe so. But it helps our success rate.” “You’ve got proof in that file?” “Yes.” “May I see it?

On the first day of school, a first-grade teacher tells her class they’re not babies anymore. They have to use grown up words. Then she asks the kids what they did that summer. The first kid says, ‘I got a bad boo boo.” Teacher says, ‘No. You suffered an injury. Use grown up words.’ Second kid says, ‘I rode on a choo choo.’ Teacher says, ‘No. You rode on a train. Use grown up words.’ Third kid says, ‘I read a book.’ Teacher says, ‘Good for you! Which book did you read?’ The kid says, ‘Uh…Winnie the Shit!

When you see a duck in a pond, the part you see is peaceful, quiet, and serene. But under the surface, his legs are kicking away, churning water. That’s me.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, there’s no pushing it back in.

You’re young.” “I’m twenty-four.” “As I said,” she sniffs. “Being young has its advantages, Jana.” “Such as?” “I’ve got boundless energy!” “That’s it?” “I’m enthusiastic.” “Same thing.” “I’ve got perky breasts.” She glances at my chest and sniffs again, unimpressed. Then says,

don’t want to get him fired. He might follow me home and burst my skull like a ripe melon.” “Dillon almost never does that to new clients. You can speak freely.” “He was eating from a box of cereal when I pulled up.” “Dillon likes his sugar.” “His hands were sticky. I made him wash before touching my car keys.

Always a good idea,” I say. We’re quiet a minute. Finally she says, “How much do you charge?” “A thousand