Quotes from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early."
-Ranger”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“He's a good man," Ranger said.
"And you?"
"I'm better.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Did you take Joyce's engine?'
'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Am I to assume you would rather not have us as clients?"

"Let me think about that for a nanosecond," Dickie said. "Yes! Last time you were in my office you tried to kill me."

"That's an exaggeration. Maim you, yes. Kill you, probably not."
”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Ranger plays by his own set of rules, and I don't have a complete copy.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“I don't know much about cars," Joyce said, "but I think someone took my engine.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“The dancers finished thier set, and one immediately strolled over to our table and straddled Ranger.
Want a private party?" she asked.
Not tonight," Ranger said. He handed her a twenty, and she left.
What about the cat-feeding theory?" I asked him.
Out the window.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Hey!" Lula yelled, back in Ranger's face. "You look at me when I'm having a breakdown. And don't pull that mysterio silent shit on me. I don't take that bus, you see what I'm saying?”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“He was around the desk in two strides, reaching out for me. I knocked his hand away, grabbed the staple gun, pressed it into his crotch, and bam, bam, bam, bam . . . I stapled his nuts.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Ranger’s Cayenne pulled in behind the SUV. Ranger got out, scooped me up off the ground, and held me close.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“My instructions were to disable the car, but one of my men bet Hal a burger he couldn’t get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“I swear, you're a crazy person. You go around up to your eyeballs in snakes and dead people and exploding beavers. It's just not normal. Even when I was a 'ho, my life wasn't that freaky.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“You don’t look like a cop,” I told him. “All the other guys wear suits.” “I’ve been asked by the chief not to wear a suit. I look like a casino pit boss when I wear a suit. I don’t inspire trust.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Women grow up wary, and men grow up thinking they’re immortal.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“When I was young, I got a lot of tattoos, and now they don’t look so good. One time, I got drunk and got Eisenhower tattooed on my balls, but now he looks like Orville Redenbacher.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Babe, nothing’s been happening in my bed, and no one’s going to see your underpants in this meeting unless you go goofy.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Babe, you’ve destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy’s nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“I could use some lunch.” “Do you have any money?” “No,” Lula said. “Do you?” “No.” “There’s only one thing to do then. Senior buffet.” Ten minutes later, I pulled into the Costco parking lot.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“knees and your shirt caught in your zipper.” “I don’t remember that part,” Dickie said. “Did I used to do that?” “Yes.” Dickie started laughing. “I wasn’t making a lot of money back then. I couldn’t afford a hotel room.” “It’s not funny!” I said. “Sure it is. Grass stains and rug burns are always funny.” He looked over at Morelli. “She didn’t like to do doggy.” Morelli slid a look at me and smiled. There wasn’t much I didn’t like”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“Okay, so this had all the makings of a cluster fuck, but there was a Dairy Queen Oreo Cheese-Quake Blizzard waiting for me somewhere.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

“The doorbell rang and Grandma ran to get it. “It’s him,” she said to me. “It’s my honey.” My father got out of his chair in the living room and took his seat at the table. “I don’t care if he craps in a bag,” he said to Ranger. “I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you can scare him into marrying her and moving her into his room at the old people’s home.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Lean Mean Thirteen

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“Yeah, that's not what you call her. You call her Jennifer… or baby… or smart ass, and even once I think you called her a mouthy little thing." Jacque waved her hand as she said, "Moving on. Okay. So, Jen, Decebel's been cursed." Jacque waited for Decebel to pass it on. The girls watched as Decebel bowed his head and started shaking it from side to side. They looked at each other, confused by his behavior. Then his shoulders began to shake. "Are you laughing?" Sally asked, bewildered. Decebel finally composed himself and looked up. "She said, 'So someone else has cursed him. What's the big deal? I curse him all the time'." They all started laughing; not only Jen's words, but at the puzzled tone with which Decebel relayed Jen's words. Jacque rolled her eyes. "No, you dimwit. Cursed as in its 'Leviosa' not 'Leviosa'. Not curse as in dumb ass." "She's asking why the hell you're quoting Harry Potter… again?" Decebel was getting more and more confused by the conversation the two girls were having--through his thoughts.”
― Quinn Loftis, quote from Out of the Dark

“The past is all patterns, and those patterns remain beneath our feet, even as the stars above reveal their own patterns—for the stars we gaze upon each night are naught but an illusion from the past.”
― Steven Erikson, quote from House of Chains

“But it would be pretty weird being married and living separately, don't you think?"

"Married?" she practically screeched, not sounding all that pleased, which left him feeling a little offended. "We're not getting married."

He snorted at that. "I may have let you have your naughty little way with me for the past couple of months, but that doesn't mean I'm going to allow you to keep treating me like some dirty little boy toy. If you want to live with me then I expect you to put a ring on my finger," he said, holding up his left hand and wiggling his ring finger to punctuate his words.

"Naught little...," she mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief as she tightened her hold on her towel and dropped into an overstuffed chair. "Oh my god, you really are insane."

"Probably," he said with a shrug, "but don't worry I doubt it's hereditary so the baby should be fine.”
― R.L. Mathewson, quote from Perfection

“You tasted it. Isn't that enough? Of what do you ever get more than a taste? That's all we're given in life, that's all we're given of life. A taste. There is no more.”
― Philip Roth, quote from The Dying Animal

“Hey,” Finn said, glancing over his shoulder. He had the end of a paintbrush clenched between his teeth. “You’re just in time.”
“For what?” she asked as she slipped inside.
“My nervous breakdown,” Finn said with a wry smile, dropping his paintbrush onto the easel’s shelf. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sat down on an old garden bench that was pushed up against the wall. “I suck. Did you know that you are in the presence of a person who completely and utterly sucks?”
― quote from Megan Meade's Guide to the McGowan Boys

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