“Every so often, a lightning flash would reveal us to each other, and the expression on his face - so rapt, so helpless, so utterly mine - was the most beautiful thing I ever expected to see in my life.”
“Come inside with me," he whispered, "and let me make love to you"-he undid another button-"all night along, and then all day tomorrow, and then the day after that..."
"You have a show to put on tomorrow night'" I reminded him.
Mr. Rathburn -Nico- sighed deeply. He brushed my hair back again, tucking it behind my ears. "That's the spirit. You'll keep me honest, won't you?"
"I'll try.”
“is there anyhope for me?"
"For a comeback, you mean?"
He shook his head. "is there any chance I'll turn from plastic back to flesh?”
“Let to your own devices, you'd show up for the wedding in overalls," he said.
"But they'd be white ones.”
“Because I do have feelings, and if I were beautiful and talented and famous, I'd make it as hard for you to leave me as it is for me to leave you.”
“Don't pull away from me like I disgust you. You'll break my heart. - Nico”
“This can't be real," he said into my hair. "This has to be an acid flashback." I laughed, delighted to be in his arms. "I swear I'm not an acid flashback.”
“At the sight of him, I was clutched by a feeling like that precarious moment just past the top of a roller coaster's highest hill when gravity takes hold and the car barrels downward.”
“When Nico bent to kiss me, I shut my eyes, absorbing all that was familiar about him - his taste, the softness of his lips, his arms holding me steadily - and I could tell he was the same, drinking me in, committing my kiss to memory as we found our way home to each other in the gathering dark.”
“And he left me to dreams that were anything but sweet.”
“And then he reached toward me again, this time with both arms, as though he might wrap them around me to give me some comfort. But then he stopped, bit his lip, folded his arms, and strode away.”
“What?" He was frowning now. "No bathing suit? Are you sure you're not a nun?"
"Some nuns swim.”
“I'd inquired him about being safe, he had reached into the drawer of the beside table and drawn out a satin-lined box of condoms. "Standard rock-star equipment," he'd said with a sly smile.”
“I used to imagine the spider creeping down, crawling into my mouth, sliding down my throat, and laying loads of eggs in my belly. The Baby spiders would hatch after a while and eat me alive, from the inside out”
“South Holding, was the acknowledged leader of the Twenty-ninth Cave, but Summer Camp and”
“You occupied my space. But because you were not in my present, when I looked into my future I saw . . . nothing. Isn't that sad? And stupid?”
“I have a little theory that I'd like to air here, if I may. What is it that you think makes you magicians?" More silence. Fogg was well into rhetorical-question territory now anyway. He spoke more softly. "Is it because you are intelligent? Is it because you are brave and good? Is is because you're special?
Maybe. Who knows. But I'll tell you something: I think you're magicians because you're unhappy. A magician is strong because he feels pain. He feels the difference between what the world is and what he would make of it. Or what did you think that stuff in your chest was? A magician is strong because he hurts more than others. His wound is his strength.
Most people carry that pain around inside them their whole lives, until they kill the pain by other means, or until it kills them. But you, my friends, you found another way: a way to use the pain. To burn it as fuel, for light and warmth. You have learned to break the world that has tried to break you.”
“being able to act intelligently and instinctively in the moment is possible only after a long and rigorous of education and experience”
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