Christopher Moore · 336 pages
Rating: (27.3K votes)
“Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.”
“After all the evidence is in--after you've run all the facts by everything you know--and you're still lost, you have to do some things on faith.”
“Sometimes this high-tech world calls for low-tech solutions.”
“This Roberto. He no like the light.”
“Even a mentally challenged shark would figure out that sea turtles did not wear boxer shorts printed in flying piggies, and no sea turtle would be yattering streams of obscenities between chain-smoker gasps of breath.”
“Success in America doesn't require any special talent or any kind of extra effort. You just have to be consistent and not fuck up. That's how most people fail. They can't stand the pressure of getting what they want, so when they see that they are getting close they engineer some sort of fuckup to undermine their success.”
“If manta rays are going to be harmless, they should look more harmless, Pardee thought. Fuckers look like aquatic Draculas.”
“We Ask the Gods for Answers and They Give Us Questions”
“Alive," Kimi interrupted. "I get you out of typhoon alive and you just yell and say bad things. I quit. You get new navigator. Roberto say you mean, nasty, Chevy-driving, milk-drinking, American dog f*cker."
I don't drink milk," Tuck said. Ha! Won that round.”
“He didn’t understand religion. It was like heroin or golf: He knew a lot of people did it, but he didn’t understand why.”
“Tucker Case did not play golf. He’d tried it once, and although he’d enjoyed the drinking and driving the little electric car into the lake, he just didn’t get the appeal. It seemed—and he’d examined the game closely because his father had loved it—an awful lot like a bunch of rich white guys in goofy clothing walking around on an absurdly large lawn hitting absurdly small white balls with crooked sticks.”
“Multiple Personality Barbie. She’s elegant, she’s fashionable, and she’s the reason that Ken has no genitals! Have fun, but remember to hide the sharp stuff!”
“Tuck watched the sun bubble into the ocean. Columns of vertical cumulus clouds turned to cones of pink cotton candy, then as the sun became a red wafer on the horizon, they turned candy-apple red, with purple rays reaching out of them like searchlights. The water was neon over wet asphalt, blood-spattered gunmetal—colors from the cover of a detective novel where heroes drink hard and beauty is always treacherous.”
“The key to retaining their respect was to find out what they wanted to do, then tell them to do it.”
“The only way to control the faithful is to not become one of them”
“Losers can only flourish until a dominant species appears”
“Privacy is a rare commodity on a small island and secrets weigh heavy on their keepers”
“Isolate ’em. That’s why all your loony-toon cult guys have to get their people out in the boonies somewhere where no one can talk any sense into ’em. Just”
“if you do your job and assume that everyone else is incompetent, you will seldom be disappointed.”
“La voce di Jake si perdeva come il suono di un kazoo nella galleria del vento.”
“Il mattino dopo, il primo pensiero di Tuck fu: Ho un aereo da prendere. Il secondo: ho il cazzo rotto.
Succede. Hai un'irritazione intima - emorroidi, crampi mestruali, malattie veneree, la vescica infiammata - e per quanto provi a sfuggirne l'attrazione gravitazionale, la mente si ritrova imprigionata nell'orbita del pensiero circolare. Se qualcosa riesce a distrarti dall'irritazione, è un'altra irritazione. La vita è un'irritazione.”
“La febbre aveva catapultato Tucker Case in un sogno nel quale veniva gettato in mezzo a grandi onde elastiche di demoni dalle ali di pipistrello - sbriciolato, soffocato, morso e graffiato - e là, nel caos, vedeva con la coda dell'occhio un foglietto rosa di ammorbidente, a riprova del fatto che lo avevavno sbattuto nel cestello di una lavatrice infernale.”
“Ma la smetteva o no di fare il difficile? «Senti, Darwin, stanotte i dinosauri non scopano di sicuro, Scegli con chi stare».”
“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t move a thing, I didn’t touch a thing, I didn’t change a thing. Believers do everything.”
“She had no interest in love. Love had taken her in the back room and beaten her up pretty badly.”
“This is my wish for you. Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to chase the clouds away, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for you when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth and love to complete your life. I love you, baby boy.”
“I need to devour you."
Those words manage to knock the air right back out of my lungs, and my head spinsas one of his hands skims around my body. He splays it across the small of my back, pulling me closer to him, and leaning over until his lips are a centimeter from my collarbone.
"Sienna?" he growls, and I murmur to acknowledge him.
"I'm going to taste you."
He wasn't asking me, he was flat out telling me what was going to happen between us, and yet I felt myself nod, felt my body mold against his the moment his warm lips sought out the center of my throat.
"You smell like apples." he wispers harshly before his tongue darts out to trace the column of my thorat. I moan, letting my head fall all the way back.
"And you taste like the best kind of sin.”
“My Princess Layla
I cannot express how much I am looking forward to returning to you tomorrow. My heart feels heavy even as I write this letter and I haven’t even
departed as yet. You left my company only moments ago and yet my body, heart and soul is yearning for you to return.
I’m afraid you have to work today but at least it will distract you from counting the hours, minutes and seconds as I will be doing until I am reunited
with you.
I’m not sure how you will feel about what I say next but I hope that by the time you get this letter our relationship will have moved forward as I so
desperately want it to.
Layla Jennings I’m in love with you. Deeply, truly, madly and endlessly I love you. I want to devote my every breath to making you happy and give you
everything your heart desires.
You’re my sunshine, my rain and my evening stars. I feel as though I was living in the shadows and you have entered my life in a blaze of color and
light which has illuminated my very existence.
As for me, to love you alone, to make you happy, to do nothing which would contradict your wishes, this is my destiny and the meaning of my life -
Napoléon Bonaparte
Until tomorrow….Jared xxxx”
“The same is within you: things change around you and clouds, thoughts change within you—but the sky of the self, the witnessing self, remains the same.”
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