Quotes from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Tucker Max ·  288 pages

Rating: (51.1K votes)


“Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. It really is that simple.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“8:58 We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than five seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?? MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALDS'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TEN YEARS! IT'S ALL MCSHIT!JUST ORDER!”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist. (Quoting feedback from a reader)”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell



“She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn’t very good with my dick in her mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me"
Tucker: "I don't understand the question.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: "Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“Ladies let me give you some advice: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people,”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell



“I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a “professor”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“FK THAT. I AM TUCKER MAX. I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk"
SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“she was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat:”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“SlingBlade: “If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell



“Did you hear the nonsensical prattle spewing from her pie-hole?”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“I bought a liter of Everclear, a quart of Gatorade, and a can of Red Bull, and poured all of it into my CamelBak. I come prepared. We arrive at the lacrosse house, and I begin sucking back the Everclear/Gatorade/Red Bull mixture, which I will hereafter refer to as “Tucker Death Mix.” It tasted like ghetto romance. It was awesome.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“porn stars are only objects for our sexual gratification, not real people.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell


“Let’s just say that it did not end well. Things were thrown, curses hurled, none of the three ever came over again, and I had to recruit a whole new stable of booty calls. Maybe a better man than me could have turned that night into something out of Penthouse Letters, but all I did was end up with my dick in my hand and a mess in my apartment.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell



About the author

Tucker Max
Born place: in Atlanta, Georgia, The United States
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