Quotes from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. It really is that simple.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“8:58 We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than five seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?? MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALDS'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TEN YEARS! IT'S ALL MCSHIT!JUST ORDER!”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist. (Quoting feedback from a reader)”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn’t very good with my dick in her mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me"
Tucker: "I don't understand the question.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: "Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Ladies let me give you some advice: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people,”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a “professor”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“FK THAT. I AM TUCKER MAX. I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk"
SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“she was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat:”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“SlingBlade: “If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Did you hear the nonsensical prattle spewing from her pie-hole?”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I bought a liter of Everclear, a quart of Gatorade, and a can of Red Bull, and poured all of it into my CamelBak. I come prepared. We arrive at the lacrosse house, and I begin sucking back the Everclear/Gatorade/Red Bull mixture, which I will hereafter refer to as “Tucker Death Mix.” It tasted like ghetto romance. It was awesome.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“porn stars are only objects for our sexual gratification, not real people.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Let’s just say that it did not end well. Things were thrown, curses hurled, none of the three ever came over again, and I had to recruit a whole new stable of booty calls. Maybe a better man than me could have turned that night into something out of Penthouse Letters, but all I did was end up with my dick in my hand and a mess in my apartment.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

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Popular quotes

“It’s easy K. on one side of the page you got your costs and on the other side your benefits. All you do is mark which one is which, then you weigh one side against the other and you get your decision just like that. that’s all you ever have to do. i live by this.”

"But what if you don’t know the difference between a benefit and a cost? what if you’ve never been very good at telling a plus from a minus?”
― Andre Dubus III, quote from House of Sand and Fog

“I should be at peace. I have understood. Don't some say that peace comes when you understand? I have understood. I should be at peace. Who said that peace derives from the contemplation of order, order understood, enjoyed, realized without residuum, in joy and truimph, the end of effort? All is clear, limpid; the eye rests on the whole and on the parts and sees how the parts have conspired to make the whole; it perceives the center where the lymph flows, the breath, the root of the whys...”
― Umberto Eco, quote from Foucault's Pendulum

“No problem, I'll get a penguin to show us”
― P.C. Cast, quote from Tempted

“He bent down, scratched the black dirt into his fingers. He was beginning to warm to it; the words were beginning to flow. No one in front of him was moving. He said, "This is free ground. All the way from here to the Pacific Ocean. No man has to bow. No man born to royalty. Here we judge you by what you do, not by what your father was. Here you can be something. Here's a place to build a home. It isn't the land--there's always more land. It's the idea that we all have value, you and me, we're worth something more than the dirt. I never saw dirt I'd die for, but I'm not asking you to come join us and fight for dirt. What we're all fighting for, in the end, is each other.”
― Michael Shaara, quote from The Killer Angels

“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity”
― Sun Tzu, quote from The Art of War

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