Quotes from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. It really is that simple.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“8:58 We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than five seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?? MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALDS'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TEN YEARS! IT'S ALL MCSHIT!JUST ORDER!”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist. (Quoting feedback from a reader)”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn’t very good with my dick in her mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me"
Tucker: "I don't understand the question.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: "Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Ladies let me give you some advice: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as “deserving” respect; you get what you demand from people,”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a “professor”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“FK THAT. I AM TUCKER MAX. I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk"
SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“she was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat:”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“SlingBlade: “If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Did you hear the nonsensical prattle spewing from her pie-hole?”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“I bought a liter of Everclear, a quart of Gatorade, and a can of Red Bull, and poured all of it into my CamelBak. I come prepared. We arrive at the lacrosse house, and I begin sucking back the Everclear/Gatorade/Red Bull mixture, which I will hereafter refer to as “Tucker Death Mix.” It tasted like ghetto romance. It was awesome.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“porn stars are only objects for our sexual gratification, not real people.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

“Let’s just say that it did not end well. Things were thrown, curses hurled, none of the three ever came over again, and I had to recruit a whole new stable of booty calls. Maybe a better man than me could have turned that night into something out of Penthouse Letters, but all I did was end up with my dick in my hand and a mess in my apartment.”
― Tucker Max, quote from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

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Popular quotes

“Mi aspettavo che la solita ondata di ripugnanza per me stesso mi assalisse da un momento all'altro: tutta la mia libidine era spenta e non mi trastullavo mai con le puttane dopo averle usate... capitava di rado che volessi rivederle di nuovo. Ma questa era diversa. Per la prima volta in vita mia, provavo tenerezza per una donna, per questa ragazza, qualcosa che non avevo provato neppure con Effie. Soprattutto non con Effie. Qualcosa dentro di me voleva assaggiarla, conoscerla: come se l'atto in sé che avevamo compiuto non fosse stato nulla... niente era stato rivelato, niente si era guastato. Mi resi conto con improvvisa, esilarante chiarezza che questo era il Mistero.
Questa ragazza, questa tenerezza.
[...]
Le toccai il collo, il braccio, la curva tesa della coscia.
"Marta..."
[...]
"Marta."
"Si?"
"Ti amo."
Nel buio, il suo bacio fu dolce.”
― Joanne Harris, quote from Sleep, Pale Sister

“What have I done, Obie?"

Obie flung his hand in the air, the gesture encompassing all the rotten things that had occur under Archie's command, at Archie's direction. The ruined kids, the capsized hopes. Renault last fall and poor Tubs Casper and all the others including even the faculty. Like Brother Eugene.

"You know what you've done, Archie. I don't need to draw up a list-"

"You blame me for everything, right, Obie? You and Carter and all the others. Archie Costello, the bad guy. The villain. Archie, the bastard. Trinity would be such a beautiful place without Archie Costello. Right, Obie? But it's not me, Obie, it's not me...."

"Not you?" Obie cried, fury gathering in his throat, his chest, his guts. "What the hell do you mean, not you? This could have been a beautiful place to be, Archie. A beautiful time for all of us. Christ, who else, if not you?"

"Do you really want to know who?"

"Okay, who then?" Impatient with his crap, the old Archie crap.

"It's you, Obie. You and Carter and Bunting and Leon and everybody. But especially you, Obie. Nobody forced you to do anything, buddy. Nobody made you join the Vigils. Nobody twisted your arm to make you secretary of the Vigils. Nobody pain you to keep a notebook with all that crap about the students, all their weaknesses, soft points. The notebook made your job easier, didn't it, Obie? And what was your job? Finding the victims. You found them, Obie. You found Renault and Tubs Casper and Gendreau-the first one, remember, when we were sophomores?-how you loved it all, didn't you Obie?" Archie flicked a finger against the metal of the car, and the ping was like a verbal exclamation mark. "Know what, Obie? You could have said no anytime, anytime at all. But you didn't...." Archie's voice was filled with contempt, and he pronounced Obie's name as if it were something to be flushed down a toilet.

"Oh, I'm an easy scapegoat, Obie. For you and everybody else at Trinity. Always have been. But you had free choice, buddy. Just like Brother Andrew always says in Religion. Free choice, Obie, and you did the choosing....”
― Robert Cormier, quote from Beyond the Chocolate War

“All I could do was to hold on tight to the sides of the chair, and keep myself from sucking his fingers. ‘Would”
― Maria McCann, quote from As Meat Loves Salt

“We all try. And try as we might to control things, sometimes bad things get in and it's not our fault.”
― Richard Castle, quote from Heat Wave

“He wrote as if he were the reader. It was also how he kept his writing from becoming too cute, which is to say, about him not the subject. Rook was a journalist but strove to be a storyteller, one who let his subjects speak for themselves and stayed out of their way as much as possible.”
― Richard Castle, quote from Naked Heat

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