I Am Morgan le Fay

Three mysteries are grasped by no man: The mistletoe green between earth and sky, The sadness in a maiden’s smile, The runes shaped by the changing moon.

Thread and cloth were ordinary – worse than ordinary; they were women’s affairs. But letters! Letters were for lords and kings. And something in me blazed fiery jealous and joyous at the thought: Why ever should they have what I did not?

Dear Thomas, on his knees to me, pleading. And his pain smote me to the core of my heart, and I saw: Mother of misery, I had done this to him. Cernunnos had tried to warn me. I was not whole, not ready, he had said. Ongwynn had tried to warn me. All powers above and below, even the sweet lady mother of us all, had tried. This moment was the one that Lady water had tried to show me…. Yet I whispered, “I cannot.

Over the top of the hill a knight came riding. At first I saw only his helmeted head, bent, but even then I knew him and began to run toward him. A knight riding a weary horse, a battered knight with one arm in a sling, his shield hanging from his saddle. Its device, a single heart-shaped green leaf with a violet blossom. As I ran toward him he lifted his head, and his eyes smiled at me the warmest blue the world has ever known.

It started small, as such fates often do.

That was the day I most remember, now that I fly over battlefields and the screams of dying men echo up to me as fate falls like soot from my gray wings.

Bless Thomas, he understood at once; he smiled. I will never forget that smile, brave and warm an innocent and—No. I must not see the rest. Must not see the yearning, the longing, the desire.

Wait.” The word shot out of me, perilous. And still I could not look at him, for the tears I held back were more dangerous still. I stooped and plucked a violet from the grass, purple blossom and heart-shaped leaves and all. He had once said that my eyes were like violets at midnight, darkest green, darkest poryphry. I offered to him the little rag of a flower and whispered, “A knight needs a token.” My voice trembled only a little.