Kerrelyn Sparks · 371 pages
Rating: (30.8K votes)
“Look, Laszlo. I'll have the dentist with me, and I don't want to alarm her any more than necessary. So take Vanna out of the backseat and stick her in the trunk."
Shanna halted. Her mouth dropped open. Her throat seized up, making it hard to breathe.
I don't care how much crap you have in the trunk. We're not driving around with a naked body in the car."
Oh no! She gasped for air. He was a hit man.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Gregori strutted toward the door. "I'm too sexy for my cape, too sexy for my fangs. Too sexy." He whirled in a circle, then struck a disco pose with a hand pointing at the ceiling. "Too sexy!" He left with a flourish of his cape.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Gregori jolted back. "Snap! You couldn't control one measly mortal?"
Roman clenched his fists. "No."
Gregori slapped a hand against his brow. "Snap!"
"Why the hell are you snapping? Are you a turtle?" It was times like this that firing Gregori
seemed to be the wise choice.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“I don't want to hurt anyone" Laszlo fiddled with a button on his tux jacket. "Can't we convince the CIA that some of us are peaceful?"
"we'll have to try" Angus folded his arms across his broad chest. "And if they doona believe we're peaceful, then we'll have to kill the bastards."
Roman frowned, somehow their Highlander logic escaped him.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Roman might have survived the Great Vampire War of 1710, but he was about to face an even worse terror.
A mortal female in full rage.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“This is not a good time, Miss Implant." Roman felt Jean-Luc jabbing him in the back with his walking stick. "Uh, Porky. No, I mean--" Damn, what the hell was her name?”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“She's easy to use." Laszlo pointed at the doll's neck. "You remove the clamp, insert the small funnel, select two quarts of your favorite blood from Romatech Industries, and fill her up."
I see. Does she light up when she's running low?"
Laszlo frowned. "I suppose I could put in an indicator light-”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Oh yeah. It would be terrible for you to have only one working fang. Your friends might want to call you Lefty”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Shanna, sweet Shanna. How can I tell you what you mean to me? When I saw you at the ball it was as if my heart started beating again. You lit up the room, bright in an ocean of black and white. And I thought- my life has been nothing but a dark, endless night. Then you came out like a rainbow and filled my black soul with color.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“She smiled. "You're looking hot, dude."
Gregori strutted toward the door. "I'm too sexy for my cape, too sexy for my fangs. Too sexy." He whirled in a circle, then struck a disco pose with a hand pointing at the ceiling. "Too sexy!" He left with a flourish of his cape.
Shanna grinned. "I think he enjoys being a vampire.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Roman pressed the handkerchief against the gaping hole where his right fang should be. "Thit."
"You could use your own healing powers to seal the vein shut," Laszlo suggested.
"It would be clothed permanently. I'd be a one-thided eater for all eternity." Roman removed the bloody handkerchief from his mouth and reinserted his fang into the whole.
...
"Sir, I suggest you go to a dentist." Laszlo picked up the fang and offered it to Roman. "I've heard they can put a lost tooth back."
"Oh, right." Gregori snorted. "What's he supposed to do, waltz into a dental office and say, 'Excuse me, I'm a vampire and I lost a fang in the neck of a sex toy.' They're not going to be line up to help him.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“The little weasel ripped all the buttons off my couch.
Ivan Petrovsky, pg 350”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Oh my God, she’d kissed him! She’d stuck her tongue inside a creature from hell. Oh jeez, this would sound great in confession. Say two Hail Marys and avoid further contact with the spawn of the devil.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“No more thoughts about his mouth and which of her body parts would fit inside. No. None of that. He'd think about something completely different. Like her mouth and which of his body parts would fit inside.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“She wiggled until her nose and mouth found a pocket of air. After a few deep breaths, she realized her precious pocket of air was the crevice between his legs. Wonderful. She was doing heavy breathing on his crotch.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“The first time you tried to save people, you were certain of victory?"
"Yes. In my pride, I knew I could not fail."
"Then, in your mind, you were risking nothing. Are you certain of victory tonight?"
Roman stared into the darkness of the booth. "No, I am not."
"Then why are you risking your life?"
Tears filled his eyes. "I cannot bear for them to risk their own. I...love them."
The priest took a deep breath. "Then you have your answer. You do this not out of pride, but out of love. And since love comes from the Father, He has not abandoned you."
Roman scoffed."You do not understand the magnitude of my sins."
"Perhaps you do not understand the magnitude of God's forgiveness.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“why did he have a small army of kilted Highlanders? Where on earth did a person acquire such an army? Did he place an ad in the paper—Wanted: small army of kilted Highlanders?”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“I'm too sexy for my cape, too sexy for my fangs. Too sexy”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Can't we convince the CIA that some of us are peaceful?"
- Lazlo
"We'll have to try." Angus folded his arms across his broad chest. "And if they doona believe we're peaceful, then we'll have to kill the bastards."
"Aye." Ian nodded.
Roman frowned. Somehow, their Highlander logic escaped him.”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
“Sir!” Laszlo’s voice rose an octave. He twirled a button with his fingers. “There isn’t enough time for—for two treatments. You must decide between your—your tooth or your…” With a grimace, he glanced at Roman’s swollen jeans. My fang or my yang? The latter strained against his zipper, as if it wanted to leap out and shoot its mouth off. Pick me, pick me!”
― Kerrelyn Sparks, quote from How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
Kerrelyn Sparks
Born place: The United States
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Then again, maybe it's just his penthouse apartment I'm hearing. My inner gold digger frequently beats the crap out of my inner Meg Ryan.”
― Josh Kilmer-Purcell, quote from I Am Not Myself These Days
“In any conflict we instinctively take the side of those who look most like us.”
― Jo Nesbø, quote from Phantom
“Electrical shivers shoot up my leg.
And my knee is such a slut!
She likes it! She's that friend you have. The one who you tell you're on a diet and the next day shows up with cupcakes and says, Aww, just one won't hurt.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me
“Everything that highly educated men can do to obscure a simple truth, to make a woman doubt her feelings, to make her own thoughts a muddle, they do to her. They use their learning as a hurdle to herd her one way and then the other and then finally trap her in contradictions of which she can make no sense.”
― Philippa Gregory, quote from The Lady of the Rivers
“But there’s this thing in her voice, like what my mom called “doublespeak.” Saying one thing and meaning another. Aunt Nora told me it was leftover from English rule. She said, “That’s the only good thing to ever come of colonialism, Kevin. The Irish can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.”
― Brian Malloy, quote from The Year of Ice
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