Quotes from Epic Fail

Claire LaZebnik ·  295 pages

Rating: (31.9K votes)


“No one's family is normal. Normalcy is a lie invented by advertising agencies to make the rest of us feel inferior.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“I got lost in him, and it was the kind of lost that's exactly like being found.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“He only invited me because of you and Chase.'
'Right,' she said, following me inside. 'He's never shown the slightest interest in you before. I mean, he's never stared at you like you're the only person in the room when we're all together. Or sulked around for days because you turned him down for a dance. Or touched the sleeve of your sweater when he thinks no one's looking-'
'He's never done any of that,' I said. Then, less confidently, 'Has he?”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“You wouldn't think the touch of someone's hand could blow your mind. It's nothing, right? People don't right songs and poems about holding hands - they write them about kisses and sex and eternal love. I mean, when you're a little kid you hold hands with your parents to cross the street. Who's going to write an ode to that?
We were alone in the dark, even though the enormous theater was filled with probably a thousand people. We were a tiny island in a sea of other people who didn't matter, who had no meaning, who were so stupid, so oblivious, so stuck in their own boring lives that they didn't even notice the huge, momentous, life-shattering event that was taking place right there in row L, between seats 102 and 104.
Derek Edwards was holding my hand.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“Basically, the world is a giant shithole. But some of us are capable of imagining something better.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail



“He was wearing a plain white oxford unbuttoned over a T-shirt, but something about the way they fit made him look put together, like an Abercrombie model (well, like an Abercrombie model who had remembered to put on a shirt that morning).”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“Juliana's a year older than me, but she sometimes seems younger - mostly because she's the opposite of cynical and I'm the opposite of the opposite of cynical.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“Everyone at Coral Tree Prep was good-looking. Really. Everyone. I didn't see a single fat or ugly kid all morning. Maybe they just locked them up at registration and didn't let them out again until graduation.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“He can’t ground her if he’s already killed her,” I pointed out when Juliana quoted this to me. “Well, he can, but it wouldn’t have the same impact.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“Man, I hated not being able to figure someone out.
And from the slightly uncertain look he gave me as we all went to class, I suspected he felt the same way.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail



“I cursed myself not only for forgetting to turn my phone off but for ever thinking that having a rock music ringtone was cool.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“And Derek was... what?
A pair of dark eyes that hid more than they revealed and some broad shoulders and a mouth that could be cold and thin and then suddenly widen into a generous grin just when you thought such a thing was impossible.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“I want a tutor,” Layla said. “It would make doing homework so much easier.”
“Me too,” said Kaitlyn. “If Layla gets one, I get one.”
“No daughter of mine will ever have a tutor,” Dad said.
“What if we’re failing a course?” asked Layla.
His graying eyebrows drew together. “If you fail a single course, young lady, we will pull you out of school and get you a job scrubbing toilets for the rest of your life.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“Value people because of who they were deep down, not because of their names or their parents’ clout.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“I was isolated but not ostracized, ignored but not abused.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail



“..."And then we played Ping-Pong—”

“Not pool? I always assumed he was a billiards man—I mean, it’s so handy the way he keeps a stick up his—”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“Basically it means the world's a giant shithole, but some of us are capable of imagining something better.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“He's never shown the slightest interest in you before. I mean, he's never stared at you like you're the only person in the room when we're al together. Or sulked around for days because you turned him down for a dance. Or touched the sleeve of your sweater when he thinks no one's looking -”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


“The world exploded into billions of atoms, and when it rearranged itself, it may have looked the same, but really, it was a Whole New World.”
― Claire LaZebnik, quote from Epic Fail


About the author

Claire LaZebnik
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Popular quotes

“I laughed but before I could agree with the hairdressers that she was crazy, she said, 'What's the world for if you can't make it up the way you want it?'

" 'The way I want it?'

" 'Yeah. The way you want it. Don't you want it to be something more than what it is?'

" 'What'st eh point? I can't change it.'

" 'That's the point. If you don't, it will change you and it'll be your fault cause you let it. I let it. And messed up my life.'

" 'Mess it up how?'

" 'Forgot it.'

" 'Forgot?'

" 'Forgot it was mine. My life. I just ran up and down the streets wishing I was somebody else.”
― Toni Morrison, quote from Jazz


“His warm voice
tiptoes into the
quiet room.”
― Lisa Schroeder, quote from The Day Before


“the Hall of Offerings. Isaac motioned to a wall relief covered in hieroglyphic writing. "Let me show you something I discovered recently," Isaac said. "This hieroglyphic register is a song to Augustus, King of Egypt, heralding him as 'Lord of the Dance,' meaning 'Lord of Life.' I will translate: "The King of Egypt "Pharaoh comes to dance "He comes to sing "See how he dances "See how he sings… "I remember Isaac looked at me to gauge my reaction. In truth I was spellbound. He went on to say, 'The song of Augustus eventually spread to Medieval England where a carol, called "Lord of the Dance," was sung at Christmas and is sung to this day.”
― Kenneth Atchity, quote from The Messiah Matrix


“Racial and ethnic segragtion is a gospel issue! Cephas' fear and wihdrawal from fellowship across ethnic lines was "not in step with the truth of the gospel." Christ had died to tear down this wall.”
― John Piper, quote from The Passion of Jesus Christ


“All sufferers can find comfort in the solidarity of the Crucified; but only those who struggle against evil by following the example of the Crucified will discover him at their side. To claim the comfort of the Crucified while rejecting his way is to advocate not only cheap grace but a deceitful ideology.”
― Miroslav Volf, quote from Exclusion & Embrace: A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness, and Reconciliation


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