Elizabeth Is Missing

I remember when the houses used to whiz by as I walked—nearly running—to and from home. Ma would ask me afterwards about what I’d seen, whether certain neighbours were out, what I thought about someone’s new garden wall. I’d never noticed; it had all gone past in a flash. Now I have plenty of time to look at everything, and no one to tell what I’ve seen.

But it’s not true. I forget things—I know that—but I’m not mad. Not yet. And I’m sick of being treated as if I am. I’m tired of the sympathetic smiles and the little pats people give you when you get things confused, and I’m bloody fed up with everyone deferring to Helen rather than listening to what I have to say.

I don’t look up. It’s such a little thing—knowing where to put cutlery—but I feel like I’ve failed an important test. A little piece of me is gone.

Oh, Helen,” I say. “I’ve been meaning to tell you. That girl you’ve hired, she doesn’t do any work. None. I’ve watched her.” “Who are you talking about now? What girl?” “The girl,” I say. “She leaves plates by the sink and there are clothes all over the floor of her room.” Helen grins and bites her lip. “Pretty good description. Mum, that’s Katy.

An ancient noise, like a fox bark, makes an attempt at the edges of my brain.

Lost,” I say, dropping the photo on to the counter. “I’ve lost Elizabeth.” She pauses a moment and straightens to look at the photo. “Oh, was it an advert you wanted?” Breath floods into my lungs. “Yes. Yes, that’s it. I wanted to place an advert.” “I’ll get you a form. Awful, cats, aren’t they?” I nod, feeling as though I’ve missed some part of the conversation. I nod, but I quite like cats, and I wonder what this woman has against them. “I remember when my auntie lost her Oscar. She was frantic. Missing for weeks, he was. Found him in a beach hut in the end. Have you asked your neighbours to look in their sheds?” I stare at the woman. I can’t imagine finding Elizabeth in a shed. But perhaps it is a good suggestion. Perhaps it’s just me it doesn’t make sense to. I borrow a pen and write beach hut on a scrap of paper.

The sun’s in my eyes and it’s difficult to see. The shape of her is distorted by the light, circles of her silhouette removed as if by a pastry cutter.

I have an awful feeling I’m supposed to know, and that this is some kind of treat. I don’t think it’s my birthday, but perhaps an anniversary. Patrick’s death? It would be just like Helen to remember and make it a “special occasion.” But I can see from the bare trees out on the street that it’s the wrong time of year. Patrick died in the spring.

Although it’s just as likely to be a son,” Carla says. I’ve missed some earlier part of her speech, and I don’t know what she’s talking about. “You’re lucky you have a daughter. They say sons steal from their old mothers. It was in a report I saw on the news.” “But I do have a son,” I say. “Millions of pounds, stolen every year.” “I don’t have millions of pounds,” I say. “And all kinds of antiques. Georgian, Victorian.” “I don’t have any antiques, either.” Oh, this is no good. What sort of a conversation

grass is slightly frosty and I enjoy hearing it crunch

I feel rather drab and shy for a few minutes. But then I remember that I am old and nobody is looking at me.

My reflection always gives me a shock. I never really believed I would age, and certainly not like this.

My fault for being a young girl, I thought.