Quotes from Date Me

Jillian Dodd ·  298 pages

Rating: (6.4K votes)


“Electrical shivers shoot up my leg.
And my knee is such a slut!
She likes it! She's that friend you have. The one who you tell you're on a diet and the next day shows up with cupcakes and says, Aww, just one won't hurt.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me


“I did it because I think it's time you finally knew that the stars were always for you. Always. Only. Ever. For you.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me


“I gotta go. Just got a taker on the rope.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me


“He takes a deep breath and gives me one of those smiles that almost blinds me. The kind of smile that makes me want to drag him to a little chapel in the woods, say I do, and make him the last boy I ever kiss.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me


“This is ridiculous, Maggie. I’m going to tell him to put his shirt back on.” She gives me an evil eye. “Don’t you dare. You’ll cause a riot.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me



“Riley: “I grind so fine, I’m practically coffee,” he says with a straight face, then busts out a grin.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me


“I think I’ll leave it off, just for you. You can think about us naked. Hammering. Nailing. Pounding. Screwing.” He gives me a totally naughty and completely adorable smirk.   “I will be thinking no such things.” “Oh, yeah, you will. It will be all you think about for the rest of the day.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me


“I can’t help but laugh.   “You totally butchered that cheer.” “Yeah, I need a little more work on the motions. I can remember football plays, but these stupid arm motions are just confusing.” “Do you want me to help you? I know that cheer.” “Maybe you can come teach me in my room. I’d probably learn it better if we were naked.” “If you were naked, there wouldn’t be any cheering going on.” “You cheer me on sometimes. Go, Dawes!” I smack his shoulder. “Shut up. You should hear yourself.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me


“Braxton: Tell me what girls want.
Me: I think that depends on the girl. Also depends what kind of girl you want.
Braxton: Right now, I’d like a trio of slutty girls. All naked together in my room with nothing to do but me.
Me: Let’s try to deal with reality.
Braxton: I was. I originally wanted a harem.
Me: Fine. Three slutty girls it is.”
― Jillian Dodd, quote from Date Me


About the author

Jillian Dodd
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“Think about it. Why does one eat a snack? Why is a snack necessary? The answer—and we’ve done a million studies on this—is because our lives are filled with tedium and drudgery and endless toil and we need a tiny blip of pleasure to repel the gathering darkness. Thus, we give ourselves a treat. “But here’s the thing,” Periwinkle continues, his eyes all aglow, “even the things we do to break the routine become routine. Even the things we do to escape the sadness of our lives have themselves become sad. What this ad acknowledges is that you’ve been eating all these snacks and yet you are not happy, and you’ve been watching all these shows and yet you still feel lonely, and you’ve been seeing all this news and yet the world makes no sense, and you’ve been playing all these games and yet the melancholy sinks deeper and deeper into you. How do you escape?” “You buy a new chip.” “You buy a missile-shaped chip! That’s the answer. What this ad does is admit something you already deeply suspect and existentially fear: that consumerism is a failure and you will never find any meaning there no matter how much money you spend. So the great challenge for people like me is to convince people like you that the problem is not systemic. It’s not that snacks leave you feeling empty, it’s that you haven’t found the right snack yet. It’s not that TV turns out to be a poor substitute for human connection, it’s that you haven’t found the right show yet. It’s not that politics are hopelessly bankrupt, it’s that you haven’t found the right politician yet. And this ad just comes right out and says it. I swear to god it’s like playing poker against someone who’s showing his cards and yet still bluffing by force of personality.”
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