“...that was Bud Caldwell's Rules and Things to Have a Funner LIfe and Make a Better Liar Out of Yourself Number 83...If a Adult Tells You Not to Worry, and You Weren't Worried Before, You Better Hurry Up and Start 'Cause You're Already Running Late.”
“Rules and Things Number 63: Never, Ever Say Something Bad About Someone You Don't Know--Especially When You're Around a Bunch of Strangers. You Never Can Tell Who Might Be Kin to That Person or Who Might Be a Lip-Flapping, Big-Mouth Spy.”
“There comes a time when you're losing a fight that it just doesn't make sense to keep on fighting. It's not that you're being a quitter, it's just that you've got the sense to know when enough is enough.”
“A bud is a flower-to-be. A flower in waiting. Waiting for just the right warmth and care to open up. It's a little fist of love waiting to unfold and be seen by the world. And that's you.”
“As soon as I got into the library I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I got a whiff of the leather on all the old books, a smell that got real strong if you picked one of them up and stuck your nose real close to it when you turned the pages. Then there was the the smell of the cloth that covered the brand-new books, books that made a splitting sound when you opened them. Then I could sniff the the paper, that soft, powdery, drowsy smell that comes off the page in little puffs when you're reading something or looking at some pictures, kind of hypnotizing smell.
I think it's the smell that makes so many folks fall asleep in the library. You'll see someone turn a page and you can imagine a puff of page powder coming up real slow and easy until it starts piling on a person's eyelashes, weighing their eyes down so much they stay down a little longer after each blink and finally making them so heavy that they just don't come back up at all. Then their mouths open and their heads start bouncing up and down like they're bobbing in a big tub of of water for apples and before you know it... they're out cold and their face thunks smack-dab on the book.
That's the part that makes librarians the maddest. They get real upset if folks start drooling in the books”
“No sir, I don't know why, but my eyes don't cry no more.”
“Six is a bad time too 'cause that's when some real scary things start to happen to your body, it's around then that your teeth start to coming a-loose in your mouth.
You wake up one morning and it seems like your tongue is the first one to notice that something strange is going on, 'cause as soon as you get up there it is pushing and rubbing up against one of your front teeth and I'll be doggoned if that tooth isn't the littlest bit wiggly.
At first you think it's kind of funny, but the tooth keeps getting looser and looser and one day, in the middle of pushing the tooth back and forth and squinching your eyes shut, you pull it clean out. It's the scariest thing you can think of 'cause you lose control of your tongue at the same time and no matter how hard you try to stop it, it won't leave the new hold in your mouth alone, it keeps digging around in the spot where that tooth used to be.
You tell some adult about what's happening but all they do is say it's normal. You can't be too sure, though, 'cause it shakes you up a whole lot more than grown folks think it does when perfectly good parts of your body commence to loosening up and falling of off you.
Unless you're as stupid as a lamppost you've got to wonder what's coming off next, your arm? Your leg? Your neck? Every morning when you wake up it seems a lot of your parts aren't stuck on as good as they used to be.”
“Just like when there's a time that a smart person knows enough is enough, there's a time when you know you've got to fight.”
“having someone who likes you so much that they think everything you say is the truth has got to be a liar’s paradise”
“The big steel wheels creaked a couple times, then started moving.”
“The next thing about the air in the library is that no other place smells anything like it. If you close your eyes and try to pick out what it is that you’re sniffing you’re only going to get confused, because all the smells have blended together and turned themselves into a different one. As soon as I got into the library I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I got a whiff of the leather on all the old books, a smell that got real strong if you picked one of them up and stuck your nose real close to it when you turned the pages. Then there was the smell of the cloth that covered the brand-new books, the books that made a splitting sound when you opened them. Then I could sniff the paper, that soft, powdery, drowsy smell that comes off the pages in little puffs when you’re reading something or looking at some pictures, a kind of hypnotizing smell.”
“The floor went completely black when Mr. Amos pulled the door shut. I couldn’t see it now, but I’d rememorized the exact shape the stain was in. The padlock snapped shut with the loudest click I’d ever heard.”
“We were all standing in line waiting for breakfast when one of the caseworkers came in and tap-tap-tap”
“station and said, “Yup, there’s the gasoline filling station.”
“inside or the outside. I touched paper. I spread”
“If you didn't have a real good imagination you'd probably think those noises were the sounds of some kid blowing a horn for the first time, but I knew better than that. I could tell those were the squeaks and squawks of one door closing and another one opening.”
“There comes a time when you're losing a fight and it just doesn't make sense to keep on fighting. It's not that you're bring a quitter, it's just that you've got the sense to know when enough is enough.”
“God is great, God is good, Let us thank him For our food. Amen.”
“You love him, don't you?"
"That's an impossible question to answer."
"No it isn't," she argued. "It's a simple yes or no. You either love someone or you don't."
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Renee, maybe is not an acceptable answer. That's like saying you're a little bit pregnant and or caught a touch of breast cancer. Deep down, you know whether or not you love someone.”
“ARTICLE 54 A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty’s Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).”
“On the wall next to the door we’d entered through was a huge floor-to-ceiling bulletin/whiteboard combo and hanging from a thumbtack on the bulletin board amongst pictures and other various sorts of memorabilia was my bra. It’d been washed but it still had
a good many blotches of pink on it. If that wasn’t shocking enough, the dialogue written over the last two weeks on the whiteboard pertaining to said bra certainly was. I’ll include the copy just so you can truly appreciate what I’m dealing with here.
Tristan’s Mom: What’s this?
Tristan: A size 34B lace covered slingshot.
Jeff: Nice!
Tristan’s Mom: Do I want to know?
Tristan: I don’t know, do you?
Tristan’s Mom: Not really. Are you planning on returning it or did you win some kind of prize?
Tristan: I plead the fifth.
Tristan’s Dad: Well done son.
Jeff: Ditto!
Tristan’s Mom: Don’t encourage him.
Tristan: Gee, thanks Mom.
Tristan’s Dad: Can’t a father be proud of his only child?
Tristan’s Mom: He doesn’t need your help…obviously.
Tristan’s Dad: That’s because he takes after me.
Tristan: Was there anything else I can do for you two?
Tristan’s Mom: Tell her I tried to get the stains out, but I’m afraid they set in before I got to it.
Tristan: I’m sure she’ll appreciate your effort, but if I’m any judge (and I’d like to think I am) its
size has caused it to become obsolete and she needs to trade up.
Jeff: I’m so proud.
Tristan: Thanks man.
Tristan’s Mom: A name would be nice you know.
Tristan: Camie.
Tristan’s Mom: Do we get to meet her?
Tristan: Sure. I’ll have my people call your people and set it up.
Tristan’s Mom: I don’t know why I bother. Do you want anything from the store?
Tristan: Yeah, Camie’s sleeping over tonight and I promised her bacon and eggs for breakfast.
Jeff’s got the eggs covered but could you pick up some bacon for us and maybe a box of Twinkies
for the bus? Thanks, you’re the best.
Jeff: I have the eggs covered?
Tristan’s Dad: He gets his sense of humor from you.
Tristan’s Mom: Flattery will get you everywhere. How would you like your eggs prepared dear?”
“You know what I wish? I wish I could put time in a bottle and throw it into the ocean. Then I would have forever to spend with you. I wouldn’t need air to breathe or food to eat. Holding you in my arms would be all the food I would need. Having your love would be the only air I would need to breathe.”
“If he's like any other man I've ever met, it's not my smile he's going to be looking at.”
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