Mark McLaughlin · 220 pages
Rating: (35 votes)
“That book is filthy. Wicked. Dangerous. Yet it feels so comforting to own it.”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“No, that watch doubles as a high-power flame-thrower and a bidet.”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“THE SLITHERING QUIVER OF THE RIVER LIZARD'S TWISTED LIVER-BLISTERS In the city of Phlemuria, three miles west of Ulthar in the Elder Dreamlands, folks had a saying: the god of Fate is no more than a capricious old pig-herder made cranky by an embarrassing rash.”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“THAT IS NOT DEAD WHICH CAN ETERNAL LIE /AND WITH STRANGE AEONS, EVEN DEATH MAY LIVE AND LET DIE”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“Reginald’s furnishings, I noted, were solid oak. Oak! Now there was a wood you could trust. I noticed something odd about his bookcase—something that caused a small but sharp bell of warning to ring in my mind. Most of the volumes on its shelves were quite old, and bound in rotting human skin. Finally I noticed the thing that had set off my inner alarm: the bookends were mismatched. One was a human skull and the other was a kitschy little plastic owl. Certainly plastic has no place in the decor of a gentleman’s study.”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“My hands shivered like twin albino bats in an Antarctic ice-cave, assuming such caves served as lodging for such bats. I’m not really sure. They’d have to be pretty hardy bats. What would they eat?”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“1. Dark Lord of the Screaming Abyss 2. Protector of the Night-Gaunts 3. Messenger of the Crypt Gods 4. Vile Master of the Blood-Soaked Torments 5. Father of the Black Scorpions 6. Uncle of the Flesh-Eating Hawks 7. Second-Cousin of the Accursed Pharaoh with Pubic Dandruff 8. Niles Lathotep 9. The Killjoy of Kadath 10. Discount Abdul, the Persian Carpet King—Half-Off This Week Only 11. Keeper of the Sacred Camel-Toes 12. He Who Doth Swing Both Ways in Darkness 13. Minty Belasco 14. Big Jake”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“What’s that you say, girl? A foamy-mouthed kitty bit your ass and now you’ve gone mondo batshit?”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“The thing looked like an especially unsavory cross between a mangy hound-dog, a Tasmanian devil, and a scruffy, drug-addled, middle-aged British rock star.”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“I happened to run into Anton at the Arkham Public Library just a few days later. I was walking down a shadowy hallway when he came bustling out of the Forbidden, Unspeakably Dangerous, Never-To-Be-Checked-Out-By-Anyone Section with a notepad in his hand”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“I only hope you are never tempted to venture into the library’s Forbidden, Unspeakably Dangerous, Never-To-Be-Checked-Out-By-Anyone Section to peruse our secret copy of that most shocking and insanity-inducing of ancient tomes, typeset at a point-size convenient to those with impaired vision—the Large-Print Necronomicon!”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“If what’s behind that door is so terrible, shouldn’t we carry a machete or two? A kitchen knife? An especially sturdy cocktail umbrella?” “There is no weapon on Earth one could wield against such terror!” he moaned. “Oh, I see. Then we should just go in unarmed. Well, fine. Lead the way.”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“And at 10:23 p.m. Central Time, a cornfield in Buttercup, Iowa split open and It emerged: that selfsame deity that the Pre-Atlantean, Post-Lemurian Serpent Priests addressed by Seven-Thousand-and-Twelve Sacred Names (Number Eleven translating to “Whatever It Is, We Wish It Would Just Leave Us Alone”); that lugubrious critter known to the ancient Aztecs as He-Who-Drips-Sweat-All-Over-Our-Nice-Clean-Temple, to whom they sacrificed the lymph nodes of their enemies after they’d given the hearts to gods they actually liked.”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“Miss Tuppenceworth, W.’s pretty blonde secretary, looked out the window of her office, which served as antechamber to her superior’s sanctum sanctorum. “Why is it that whenever H.P. shows up, the sky is suddenly filled with multi-colored silhouettes of shapely women flying about? One can see outlines of guns among the female forms, and hear music filled with saxophones and trumpets. And there’s this sort of swirly gun-barrel shifting to and fro…Decidedly odd.”
― Mark McLaughlin, quote from Best Little Witch-House in Arkham
“If a man doesn’t ask you to marry him -- or at least live with him -- after two years, he never will. It means he’s only interested in having a good time.”
― Candace Bushnell, quote from Summer and the City
“Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you'll never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved.”
― Charlie Kaufman, quote from Synecdoche, New York: The Shooting Script
“There are things which must cause one to lose one’s reason, or one has none to lose.”
― Miklós Nyiszli, quote from Auschwitz: A Doctor's Eyewitness Account
“It was the most ludicrous sound I had ever heard. The strangled gargling sounded like a goat that was having an unpleasant sexual encounter.”
― Peter Allison, quote from Whatever You Do, Don't Run: True Tales Of A Botswana Safari Guide
“What if things happened to you—special, magic things—because you’d been preparing for them?”
― Jennifer McMahon, quote from Don't Breathe a Word
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