“I got an A on the third quiz in American history,
Last time I got a B
up from a C
and my father said,
"if you can get a C
you can get a B,
if you can get a B
you can get an A."-
I got an A
and my father said,
"grades don't mean anything.”
“I never realized
how hard the brain has to work
to make the body do what it asks.
Or maybe how hard the body has to work
“People are most honest
when they don't know you are listening.”
“I am always there.
But they don't care if I am
because I am furniture.
I don't get hit
I don't get fondled
I don't get love
because I am furniture
Suits me fine.”
why don't I tell on him?
If they don't,
why don't I?
Because I am safe this way,
“I'm sure you were mistaken," Yaicha says to her brush.
My ears pin back -
I know who Angie is, Yaicha.
I know who our father is, Yaicha.
He hurts people, he hurts you, you never do anything!" My claws scrape the wall paint.
She turns with soft rabbit eyes. "He'll kill me."
"He's already doing that!"
I am growling, grabbing her sleeve, "Every day, every day he rips you open,
chips off pieces week by week, till a few years from now you are not even a mouthful of sawdust.
A drawn-out killing.
Well, I'm tired of all of us doing nothing. He has to be stopped."
Yaicha's eyes have flinched a few times but soften again. "Nobody can stop him."
My teeth show.
"Nobody can stop him? Good.
To him I have always been
“With all the
dust at the speed of light
neutrinos running through
no matter how powerful someone is
here on Earth
they are just as small as me
to the vast greatness of
“I'm sorry, I had a meeting"
I stand behind his chair. "Liar," under my breath.
"You weren't at a meeting," take a breath, gain speed, bursting,
"You were with Angie in the office.
I saw you. I saw you. You clamp us down, you think no one knows.
You hurt my brother! My sister!
You hurt my friend! Small trusting prey, huh?
You had to squash some weak person already in pain, thinking she loved you.
You could have chosen to hurt me!
But I'm not worth enough, I never am and you picked poor Angie, you were going to RAPE her, I SAW YOU TRY TO RAPE ANGIE, you fucking MONSTER!”
“Why am I not good enough?
At least he loves
Darren and Yaicha
in some way
even if it's horrible,
he shows them attention
and I am furniture
I get nothing
“If all this tree is from mom and all this tree is from him
where do I grow my own branches?”
I can feel
the bones of
I push some back in,
“I think that is supposed to be good,
that I get less
but I feel
“Yaicha and Darren
told me that I was
the mailman's child,
and I got so angry,
hot steam in my ribs.
Yaicha and Darren
told me that I was
the mailman's child
and now I am thinking
how wonderful it would be
the mailman as
He sits down, tired,
and says to mom,
"I'm sorry you had to see that."
Inevitable that he does it.
But he doesn't really want
“Or maybe I am just
being the footstool observing from the corner,
that I have a view of reality.”
“The foam cushions
on the old couch downstairs
in a hush,
like each of us,
small flecks of
raining mute to the floor
when I flop down to study.
And the more the couch gets used,
the less foam it keeps--
just an uncomfortable frame,
springs and other inner workings
“Yaicha is named after a song
by some group from the last century called the
Something about a girl,
a candle in the falling rain
shining amidst the pain.
I kind of surprise myself
when I can picture Yaicha as that candle.
My father named Yaicha after the "haunting melody."
I wonder if he ever listened
to the lyrics.”
“I like her explanation better than just being a diminutive
of someone else.”
But excited in that
kind of way
that it's time to
of my old framework,
raw and amorphous,
to become something I've never thought of before.”
“If I could just open my mouth wide enough
to allow those gagging blobs of truth
their slow, tar-seep passage
up through my gullet,
with barely enough oxygen to keep from
while they glorp over my tongue,
those truths would reach my teeth,
where if my jaw weren't unhinged,
I might bite them off
so I could
“Scuplt, I’m different now.”
He moved in close, arm snug around her waist. “Yeah. You’re stronger, sexier, and have an attitude. Makes me want you more.”
“I was thinking between 3 and 4 this morning, of my 55 years. I lay awake so calm, so content, as if I'd stepped off the whirling world into a deep blue quiet space and there open eyed existed, beyond harm; armed against all that can happen.”
“I cannot hide my anger to spare you guilt, nor hurt feelings, nor answering anger; for to do so insults and trivializes all our efforts. Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one's own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge.”
“Wann - wenn nicht jetzt Wann soll man leben wenn nicht in der Zeit die einem gegeben ist”
“Life is made up of danger and heartbreak, I laugh in the face of both!”
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