Stephen Clarke · 685 pages
Rating: (2.6K votes)
“there is a French version of the story, and a true one.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“When a Quebecker is interviewed for French TV, he or she is often subtitled in ‘normal’ French, as if the language they speak in francophone Canada is so barbarous that Parisians won’t be able to understand”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“it must have been hard making a silent movie about a girl who hears voices.)”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“It was Voltaire who said that ‘in a government, you need both shepherds and butchers.’ The problem in France was that the butchers kept killing the shepherds, while the sheep turned cannibal.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“This is probably the most annoying thing of all to the French. Not only do we pronounce the battles incorrectly (Crécy should be ‘Cray-see’ and Waterloo ‘Watt-air-loh’), with Agincourt (‘Ah-zan-coor’) we even get the spelling wrong.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“James II’s second wife, an Italian Catholic princess called Mary (at the time, there was an edict whereby all female royals were to be called Mary to confuse future readers of history books),”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“His posturing for independence came to its logical climax when in 1966 he ordered all foreign troops out of France, arguing that in the event of war, he would not let French soldiers bow to American command as they had been forced to do in World War Two. The way de Gaulle announced his new policy has gone down in history. Apparently the Général phoned the American President, Lyndon Johnson, to tell him that France was opting out of NATO, and that consequently all American military personnel had to be removed from French soil. Taking part in the conference call was Dean Rusk, the US Secretary of State, and Johnson told Rusk to reply: ‘Does that include those buried in it?”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“Orsini and one of his fellow conspirators were guillotined, and an accomplice called Carlo di Rudio was transported to Devil’s Island, the notorious French prison camp in French Guiana. He escaped and later fought alongside General Custer at Little Big Horn. True to form, he survived.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“Tanacharison (who could relate to the cow because he claimed that the French had boiled and eaten his father),”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“The Frenchmen tried to explain that sexual intercourse between males was taboo (despite anything the Brits might have told them about French sailors),”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“But at the same time, any mention of the history of Quebec rouses burning anti-British and anti-American outrage in a French person’s heart, as if someone was talking about a favourite café of theirs that had been turned into a Starbucks. Canada”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“This is a very French trait. Today, if a big manufacturing company is in trouble, it will parachute in a graduate of one of France’s grandes écoles, someone who has studied business theory and maths for ten years but never actually been inside a factory. The important thing to the French is not experience, it is leadership – or, more exactly, French-style leadership, which mainly involves ignoring advice from anyone with lots of experience but no French grande école on their CV.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“This is of course the Prince of Wales’s motto to this day, though subsequent princes have not adopted John of Bohemia’s custom of fighting while tied up and blind.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“The prospect of one day being hauled out of the canal by yet another old enemy was hard for France to swallow, even more so when British and French defence specialists discussed their exit strategy in case of an overwhelming Soviet attack, and the Brits proposed a massive evacuation via Dunkirk.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“Philippe also brought along musicians - mainly trumpeters and drummers - to scare the enemy. Even then, French music was known to terrify the English.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“Verrazzano must have been turning in his grave. (Except that he didn’t have one because he’d been eaten.)”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“Anglo-Saxon and Franco-Norman came into closer contact, and the linguistic survival techniques on both sides led to the emergence of a supple, adaptable language in which you could invent or half-borrow words and didn’t have to worry so much about whether your sentences had the right verb endings or respected certain strict rules of word order and style (as this sentence proves). The result was the earliest form of what would become English.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
“In French eyes, it was of course doubly wrong to execute a beautiful woman.”
― Stephen Clarke, quote from 1000 Years of Annoying the French
Stephen Clarke
Born place: in St. Albans, The United Kingdom
Born date October 15, 1958
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“There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery”
― Dante Alighieri, quote from Dante's Divine Comedy Set: Three-Volume Set
“He wants to tell her that he is not hopeless, that he is not filled with hatred or violence, that he is not a number, a 300 or 600 or any hundred, but just a kid with no one and nothing, and who would do anything to make it otherwise. Just tell me how, he wants to scream. He wants to tell her what it's like to have the same dream night after night, that he's playing tag with his little sister, laughing, happy - then waking up and not knowing if the image in his head is a dim memory, or just something his mind cooked up to fill the black hole. Do you know what it's like to have no past? he wants to ask. And behind it all, like a ringing in his ears, is the question that really nags at him all the time, the one that has haunted him since he was six years old and his family evaporated. He wants to ask it, then and there and for good: What did I do wrong back then? What did I do to deserve this life?”
― Edward Humes, quote from No Matter How Loud I Shout: A Year in the Life of Juvenile Court
“Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?”
― Estelle Maskame, quote from Did I Mention I Need You? (Did I Mention I Love You
“After tidying up, Adela would plunge the rooms into semidarkness by drawing down the linen blinds. All colors immediately fell an octave lower, the room filled with shadows, as if it had sunk to the bottom of the sea and the light was reflected in mirrors of green water–and the heat of the day began to breathe on the blinds as they stirred slightly in their daydreams.”
― Bruno Schulz, quote from The Street of Crocodiles and Other Stories
“You know what? Forget what I just said. You’re already a part of this. You will eat, you will laugh at stupid things, you will stay up all night just to see what it feels like, you will fall painfully in love, you will have babies of your own, you will doubt and regret and yearn and keep a secret. You will get old and decrepit, and you will die, exhausted from all that living.”
― Miranda July, quote from The First Bad Man
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