C.D. Payne · 512 pages
Rating: (8.8K votes)
“I have found that people who can successfully resist temptation invariably lead depressingly stunted lives.”
“Do you suppose the human race invented boredom to make the prospect of death more palatable?”
“Confession can be good for the soul, but it can exact a heavy toll on friendships.”
“Consider, if you will, the morning boner. What a metaphor of hope and renewal! How can anyone give way to despair when one’s groin greets each day with such a gala spectacle of physical optimism?”
“As much as I think about sex, I can only with extreme difficulty conceive of myself actually performing the act. And here's another thing I wonder about. How could you ever look a girl in the eye after you've had your winkie up her wendell? I mean, doesn't that render normal social conversation impossible? Apparently not.”
“I take it, then, Vijay, you are still a virgin?'
Yes, and I find it extremely galling. When Gandhi was my age he had already been married three years.'
No wonder Gandhi turned out to be a great man. When you get your love life nailed down that early, think of all the time it frees up to devote to Great Ideas.”
“Now I know why women get their ears pierced. Once they've survived this ordeal of mutilation, they can face the discomforts of childbirth with equanimity.”
“I've decided Mom's boyfriends are a lot like U.S. Presidents. You keep thinking they can't get any worse. And then she comes up with a Lance Wescott.”
“Dwayne! Don't be ridiculous. Guy's don't share their girlfriends.'
Why not?'
Because they don't. Men are instinctually competitive. It's so there'll be lots of wars to keep overpopulation in check.”
“A brilliant solution to the wrong problem can be worse than no solution at all: solve the correct problem.”
“Well, I’m not sure what happened next, but I ended up peeing on Mrs. Jarvis’s lawn.”
“The spoken word is nothing. It hardly lives longer than an insect! Only the written word is eternal. - Balbulus”
“... je t'emmènerais dans une contrée resplendissante et prospère, au foyer d'une famille aristocratique des lettrés, fastueux domaine où abondent les fleurs et les saules, terroir de la douceur, de richesse et d'honneurs, pour t'installer dans la joie et en toute sécurité.
Cao Xueqin, "Le Rêve dans le pavillon rouge", trad, fr. par Li Tche-Houa, J. Alézaïs, révision par A. D'Hormon, Paris, Gallimard, "Bibliothèque de la Pléiade", 1981, vol. 1, p. 8.”
“I slip into the back seat, and the car starts down the road. I watch her through the rear window, shrinking as the distance between us grows.”
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