C.D. Payne · 512 pages
Rating: (8.8K votes)
“I have found that people who can successfully resist temptation invariably lead depressingly stunted lives.”
“Do you suppose the human race invented boredom to make the prospect of death more palatable?”
“Confession can be good for the soul, but it can exact a heavy toll on friendships.”
“Consider, if you will, the morning boner. What a metaphor of hope and renewal! How can anyone give way to despair when one’s groin greets each day with such a gala spectacle of physical optimism?”
“As much as I think about sex, I can only with extreme difficulty conceive of myself actually performing the act. And here's another thing I wonder about. How could you ever look a girl in the eye after you've had your winkie up her wendell? I mean, doesn't that render normal social conversation impossible? Apparently not.”
“I take it, then, Vijay, you are still a virgin?'
Yes, and I find it extremely galling. When Gandhi was my age he had already been married three years.'
No wonder Gandhi turned out to be a great man. When you get your love life nailed down that early, think of all the time it frees up to devote to Great Ideas.”
“Now I know why women get their ears pierced. Once they've survived this ordeal of mutilation, they can face the discomforts of childbirth with equanimity.”
“I've decided Mom's boyfriends are a lot like U.S. Presidents. You keep thinking they can't get any worse. And then she comes up with a Lance Wescott.”
“Dwayne! Don't be ridiculous. Guy's don't share their girlfriends.'
Why not?'
Because they don't. Men are instinctually competitive. It's so there'll be lots of wars to keep overpopulation in check.”
“Into this error men have, probably, been led by viewing education in a false light; not considering it as the first step to form a being advancing gradually towards perfection; but only as a preparation for life.”
“My education was interrupted only by my schooling.”
“The medievals loved to say that God wrote two books: nature and Scripture. And since he is the author of both books, and since this Teacher never contradicts himself, these two books never contradict each other. And since this God who never contradicts himself also gave us the two truth detectors, faith and reason, it follows that faith and reason, properly used, never contradict each other. Therefore, all heresies are contrary to reason. Not all the truths of faith can be proved by reason, but all arguments against the truths of faith can be disproved by reason.”
“Things don’t always work out the way we plan. But if we commit our way to Christ and walk in obedience to Him, we discover His plans are always better.”
“It’s right he’s paying you, as you were hurt on his job, and he can well afford it. Doing so shows his character, just as fretting over it shows yours.”
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