“I want every piece of you. Even the stuff I missed without even knowing I was missing it.”
“If you touch her, I’ll make sure you lose all sense of feeling. Permanently,” Adam warned darkly.
“What he said,” Braden growled.”
“He clamped a large hand down on mine as I moved to lift the diaries. I glanced up at him and he shook his head with a small smile. "It's painful to read how my stupidity hurt you at the time, but I like being inside you head. I like knowing that while I was struggling with the fact that I had fallen in love with my best friend's little sister, she loved me back more than I could ever hope to deserve.”
“Els, I don't even know where to start. I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry."
"Adam - "
"I can't lose you, Els. I can't believe I fucked up like this but you have to forgive me. I can't lose you.”
“You're like a brother to me. I would never do anything to hurt you. And I know I haven't been what a brother would consider good material for his wee sister, but I love Ellie, Braden. I have for a long time now, and I can't not be with her. I've wasted too much time as it is.”
“Go home, Adam," I replied softly. "We're done."
His eyes widened in shock. "Ellie-"
"I'll pretend for Braden. When we're all together, I'll pretend for Braden that nothing has changed between you and me."
I held his gaze, attempting to be strong as I ended us.
"But whatever this is, it's over. Everything. Don't call me, don't visit... just don't. I don't want you near me when you don't have to be. It hurts too much, and if you care about me even just a little bit, you'll stay away from me.”
“The only person who's ever really hurt me is you. And I keep letting you."
"Ellie," he sounded in pain as he took a step toward me.
He stopped though, the pain transferring to his eyes when I moved away from him.
"I do love you," he admitted and instead of feeling joy at those words, the last piece of me holding onto hope crumbled.
I shook my head. "But not enough”
“Ellie, I want everything with you.”
“Let’s start the next chapter, baby.”
“What do you want from me?” he asked, his voice husky with anger.
I backed away, hitting the wall, and watched warily as he stalked me. My chin tilted, my lips parting in surprise as he placed his hands above my head on the wall and caged me against it. He lowered his head, his nose sliding along mine until his mouth rested just above my lips. I swallowed, finally finding my voice. “What do you want from me?”
His answer was to crush my lips beneath his.”
“She’s definitely a romance writer. I’ve primed her to be a romance writer, subjecting her to so many romantic dramas it would be a miracle if she didn’t become a romance writer.”
“We’re still us,” I managed, blinking back tears.
“I don’t want there to be any awkwardness between us.”
“There won’t be. I won’t let there be if you won’t.”
“Good, Sweetheart. Good. We’ll just forget about this. It didn’t mean anything.”
“I was going to up until that last entry. Reading it all just reminded me how much we felt, how much we feel, and how much a part of us it is. It doesn’t belong to anyone else and I guess I don’t want it to.
It’s ours. Our history. Our story. And in a way our future too. As much as I love her, you’re right. I can’t give that to Joss. I can’t give these to her. ”
“¿Cuándo cambié a tus ojos?
Adam me miró con otro «tú estás loca».
—No pienso contártelo.
—¿Por qué no?
—Porque es una de esas cosas de tíos que no entenderías y que probablemente te cabreará.
Genial. Ahora estaba definitivamente intrigada.
—No me enfadaré. Solo dímelo por favor —le supliqué con dulzura.
—Vale. —Me miró con cautela—. Fue la mañana siguiente a tu decimoctavo cumpleaños.
Mis ojos se agrandaron al recordarlo. «¿En serio?»
—Sí, la mañana en la que tú… oh, casualmente, me dijiste que habías perdido la virginidad.
¿Fue ese el momento en que se dio cuenta de que sentía algo por mí? Dios… Joss tenía razón, los hombres era trogloditas.
(...) Adam había estado celoso. No fue lo que me pareció en aquel momento.
—Supe que estabas enojado conmigo, pero creí que era otro de esos episodios de «hermano mayor sobreprotector».
—¡No! —Adam movió la cabeza sombríamente, se echó hacia atrás y se apoyó en las palmas de las manos—. Fue uno de esos episodios «estoy buscando a la hermana pequeña de mi mejor amigo, que me acaba de decir que se ha acostado con un tío por primera vez y lo único que veo son sus labios hinchados y su pelo revuelto recién salido de la cama y me he puesto jodidamente cachondo». —Sus ojos se detuvieron en mi boca conforme recordaba—. Mi cuerpo reaccionó a lo que habías dicho antes de que pudiera hacerlo mi cabeza. De repente me encontré preguntándome cómo sería ser acariciado por tus labios, a qué sabrías, cómo me sentiría al tener tus largas piernas alrededor de mi espalda mientras empujaba dentro de ti... —Me sacudí, notando cómo se me calentaba la piel ante el conocimiento de que Adam había estado teniendo pensamientos lascivos sobre mí durante mucho tiempo sin que yo tuviera ni idea—. Así que me cabreé. Conmigo por desearte así. Y también contigo… por dejarle probarte…
Nuestras miradas se encontraron y mi respiración se tornó pesada.
Supe que si no decía nada terminaríamos haciendo el amor en la segunda habitación antes de que pudiéramos acabar nuestro paseo por el sendero de la memoria.”
“Eres la cosa más hermosa que he
visto nunca, Els.”
“Es doloroso leer que mi estupidez te hizo daño en aquellos días, pero me gusta estar dentro de tu cabeza. Me gusta saber que mientras luchaba contra el hecho de que me había enamorado de la hermana de mi mejor amigo ella también me amaba, y más de lo que tenía cualquier esperanza de merecer.”
“—Me preocupo por ti a todas horas—confesó—. Eres tan dulce y amable, demasiado amable a veces. Me agobia pensar que alguien pueda herirte y yo no esté ahí para detenerle.”
“—Siempre queriendo luchar mis batallas por mí.
—Contigo, cariño. Contigo, no por ti.”
“—No ocurrirá. Yo no lo permitiré si tú tampoco lo haces.—Dios, cariño. Por Dios. Vamos a olvidar esto. No significó nada.
El dolor me azotó de nuevo.
—No, no significó nada.”
“Está luchando por lo que quiere.
No es el único.”
“¿Estás admitiendo que tengo algún poder sobre ti, Adam Sutherland?
Sus cejas se alzaron mientras negaba con la cabeza, un movimiento que pronto se convirtió en asentimiento mientras me reía debajo de él. Cerró los ojos en lo
que parecía un dolor placentero.”
“Había aprendido que había cosas en
la vida que nunca se podían recuperar.”
“Apparently, Adam had let the whole world know how he felt about anyone betraying me. He didn’t like it. And when he didn’t like it, he’d acquaint your face with his dislike.”
“Adam rio malicioso.
—Empecemos el siguiente capítulo, nena.”
“—Si la tocas, me aseguraré de que pierdas cualquier sensibilidad. Permanentemente —le advirtió Adam amenazadoramente.
—Lo suscribo —gruñó Braden.”
“—Lamento que tu cita haya sido un asco.
Adam se encogió de hombros.
—Lo celebraré contigo.
—¿Celebrarás?
Me miró sonriendo, complacido como un niño con algo. Esa mirada me llegó directamente al vértice de las piernas. Iba a necesitar ayuda.”
“¿Qué fue de aquel tío, de Christian, a todo esto?
—Lo rechacé amablemente cuando me llamó para quedar de nuevo.
—Debería decir «pobre chico», pero tuve que aguantar cinco años deseándote sin tenerte.”
“No tienes nada por lo que sentirte humillada. Es él el imbécil que ha jugado contigo. Es él el idiota. Es él el jodido capullo que un día mirará atrás y se dará cuenta de que durante cinco meses fue el cabrón más afortunado del planeta por estar contigo. Se arrepentirá de esto, pequeña.”
“¿Ellie?
Finalmente le miré, ya en pie. En su mirada se veía un corazón tan roto como el mío. Era una especie de consolación.”
“Eres realmente lo que se dice una verdadera patada en el culo —le dijo Joss por nosotros. Lo empujó al pasar
con enfado y se detuvo para añadir más
bajo—: Me alegro por vosotros —a Adam y a mí antes de desaparecer hacia su cuarto de baño.
Braden rio con suavidad.
—Realmente me ama.”
“…And you’re acting like I should be able to read something in your silence. The problem is that speech needs periods of silence to be intelligible, to separate the words and keep it from being a steady drone of noise. To frame it. The opposite is true. To find the meaning in what’s left unsaid, we need words to punctuate it.”
“He was a lovely man in many ways. But he kept on insisting on forgiving me when there was nothing to forgive.”
“Junior based all of his decisions on his dreams and visions, which created a lot of problems.”
“the first rule of being a team is trusting one another. And if you trust someone, you let her keep her secrets. When she is ready to tell you, she will. You dont have to know everything, Anaka.
Why not? Why should I trust Oona if she doesnt trust me? How do I know she's not hiding somthing more dangerous?
Oona was worried the rest of you would see her differently, Kiki bristled. Don't prove her right.”
“Sometimes during the night I'd look at my poor sleeping mother cruelly crucified there in the American night because of no-money, no-hope-of-money, no family, no nothing, just myself the stupid son of plans all of them compacted of eventual darkness.”
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