Quotes from Sex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird Trick

Matt Fraction ·  128 pages

Rating: (24.7K votes)


“The bank'll take everything you love sooner or later.”
― Matt Fraction, quote from Sex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird Trick


“When i'm 58 years old and on my deathbed, i'd better see through my one good eye Matt drawing a donger on my forehead, cum doodles dripping down my face like life-giving tears.”
― Matt Fraction, quote from Sex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird Trick


“Fellas! Want to drive her wild? Then learn how to fold a goddamn bath towel, Gerry, jesus FUCK.”
― Matt Fraction, quote from Sex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird Trick


“Having sex in new locations can be exciting, like when Neil Armstrong fucked the moon.”
― Matt Fraction, quote from Sex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird Trick


“I've talked to girls who were so blasé about their orgasm. Like it was another thing to do, like I was making it too mythical, too big. Like it wasn't important. Fuck you. This is huge for me. I am God now.”
― Matt Fraction, quote from Sex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird Trick



About the author

Matt Fraction
Born place: in Chicago, The United States
Born date December 12, 1975
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“If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks
As though she bid me stay by her a week.
If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day
When I shall ask the banns, and when be married.”
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“Chuck said, “Hey. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” Cawley looked over at him. “I’ll bite. How many?” “Fish,” Chuck said and let loose a bright bark of a laugh.”
― Dennis Lehane, quote from Shutter Island


“Adrian looked over at me again. “Who knows more about male weakness: you or me?”

“Go on.” I refused to directly answer the question.

“Get a new dress. One that shows a lot of skin. Short. Strapless. Maybe a push-up bra too.” He actually had the audacity to do a quick assessment of my chest. “Eh, maybe not. But definitely some high heels.”

“Adrian,” I exclaimed. “You’ve seen how Alchemists dress. Do you think I can really wear something like that?”

He was unconcerned. “You’ll make it work. You’ll change clothes or something. But I’m telling you, if you want to get a guy to do something that might be difficult, then the best way is to distract him so that he can’t devote his full brainpower to the consequences.”

“You don’t have a lot of faith in your own gender.”

“Hey, I’m telling you the truth. I’ve been distracted by sexy dresses a lot.”

I didn’t really know if that was a valid argument, seeing as Adrian was distracted by a lot of things. Fondue. T-shirts. Kittens. “And so, what then? I show some skin, and the world is mine?”

“That’ll help.” Amazingly, I could tell he was dead serious. “And you’ve gotta act confident the whole time, like it’s already a done deal. Then make sure when you’re actually asking for what you want that you tell him you’d be ‘so, so grateful.’ But don’t elaborate. His imagination will do half the work for you. ”

I shook my head, glad we’d almost reached our destination. I didn’t know how much more I could listen to. “This is the most ridiculous advice I’ve ever heard. It’s also kind of sexist too, but I can’t decide who it offends more, men or women.”

“Look, Sage. I don’t know much about chemistry or computer hacking or photosynthery, but this is something I’ve got a lot of experience with.” I think he meant photosynthesis, but I didn’t correct him. “Use my knowledge. Don’t let it go to waste.”
― Richelle Mead, quote from The Indigo Spell


“And happiness...Well, after all, desires torment us, don't they? And, clearly, happiness is when there are no more desires, not one...What a mistake, what ridiculous prejudice it's been to have marked happiness always with a plus sign. Absolute happiness should, of course, carry a minus sign — the divine minus.”
― Yevgeny Zamyatin, quote from We


“Perhaps I myself am a pompous and conceited old fool. And perhaps if these fools I complain of were French or Dutch or German I would not mind so much, because then I could say 'What else can you expect?' and feel superior. It is because they are men of my own race that I would have them all good.”
― M.M. Kaye, quote from The Far Pavilions


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