“So, 'reaper' is really just a nice word for 'covert pervert?' Is that what you're saying?”
“She's fifteen!"
Nash shrugged. "That's just a number. It doesn't say anything about her."
"It says something pretty damn funny about your IQ!" I said, and he opened his mouth to retort, but I spoke over him. "Fifteen is too young to drive, too young to get a legal job, too young to sign a lease, and obviously too young to pick a boyfriend with half a brain.”
“So, you reap souls and crush hopes? Is that part of the job, or just a service you offer for free?”
“it isn’t healthy, how wrapped up they are in each other. Relationships like that burn bright, but when they burn out, they leave everyone blistered.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, Death waits for no man. Except me.”
“So,would you say I’m closer to a zombie or a vampire? I gotta know—are my parts going to rot and fall off, or am I forever frozen in youthful perfection?”
“So you’re saying the afterlife is hard on the libido? FYI, that’s probably not a good bullet point for your recruiting brochure.”
“Uh, yeah, I do. The scythe was a little tricky at first, but—much like golf—turns out it’s all in the swing.”
“This would be so much easier if they actually issued black hoods,”
“If I weren’t already dead, I’d be alive with joy,”
“Just FYI, in your case, I think it’s okay to fear the reaper.”
“I’m confiscating your hair dryer—you’ve fried your brain.”
“I hate to question
your dedication to the recruiting process, but it sounds
more like you ran up against a deadline and grabbed
the first sucker with the balls to call you out.”
“There was just no good way for a dead son to greet his mother almost two weeks after his funeral.”
“From adult diapers to bedpans? Move over, Elvis, I’m the afterlife of the party!”
“Sorry, but the whole walking corpse epiphany kind of threw me off my game.”
“I recognize no other kind of ass.”
“He’s not like you, Tod. Aside from a couple of notable exceptions, you tend to think things through, but Nash is ruled by his heart—”
“What if the house catches fire?”
“Roast marshmallows. And if it floods, you’ll go down with the ship. If there’s a tornado, I’ll meet both you and this house in Oz, after my shift. Got it?”
“But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was.”
“What took you so long?” Nash asked, as he slid into the passenger seat and pulled the door closed.
“I stopped to donate all your underwear to the homeless. You’re gonna wanna take care of those tighty whities—they’re all you’ve got left.”
He leaned against the door, either too tired or too drunk to sit up. “And to think, most people don’t understand your sense of humor.”
“Fools, all of them.”
“I gotta know—are my parts going to rot and fall off, or am I forever frozen in youthful perfection?”
“Roland grabbed Jake and hauled him to his feet. “You came!” Jake shouted. “You really came!” “I came, yes. By the grace of the gods and the courage of my friends, I came.”
“How do you fight someone smarter than yourself?" Rand whispered. "The anser is simple. You make her think that you are sitting down across the table from her, ready to play her game. Then you punch her in the face as hard as you can.”
“Jacob Kowalski: I'm sure people like you,too.
Newt Scamander: No, not really. I'm annoying.”
“One of the things forgotten about the human spirit is that while it is, in the right conditions, noble and brave and wonderful, it is also, when you get right down to it, only human.”
“Excuse me, please. You do not understand. You do not really understand who it was we talked with in the tent that night. He may have seemed an ordinary man to you – a handicapped one, at that. But this is not so. I fear Benedict. He is the Master of Arms for Amber. Can you conceive of a millennium? A thousand years? Several of them? Can you understand a man who, for almost every day of a lifetime like that, has spent some time dwelling with weapons, tactics, strategy? All that there is of military science thunders in his head. He has often journeyed from shadow to shadow, witnessing variation after variation on the same battle, with but slightly altered circumstances, in order to test his theories of warfare. He has commanded armies so vast that you could watch them march by day after day and see no end to the columns. Although he is inconvenienced by the loss of his arm, I would not wish to fight with him either with weapons or barehanded. It is fortunate that he has no designs upon the throne, or he would be occupying it right now. If he were, I believe that I would give up at this moment and pay him homage. I fear Benedict.”
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