“Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."
I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“I'm sorry about your Porsche."
"I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful."
I was just sitting in your car!"
Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Give me the gun." Ranger said.
I extracted the gun from my pants and handed it over.
Ranger held the gun in the pulm of his hand and smiled. "It's warm," he said. He put the gun in the glove compartment and plugged the key into the ignition.
Am I fired?"
No. Any women who can heat up a gun like that is worth keeping around.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Cupcake , you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Ranger cradled my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes. "The ceremony is over. Can you make it back to the car?"
I nodded. "I'm okay now. Am I red and blotchy from crying?"
"Yes," Ranger said, brushing a kiss across my forehead. "I love you anyway."
"There's all kinds of love," I said.
Ranger took me by the hand and led me back to the SUV. "This is the kind that doesn't call for a ring. But a condom might come in handy."
"That's not love," I told him. "That's lust.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“For the most part, Ranger had a consistent personality.
He wasn't a guy who wasted a lot of unnecessary energy and effort. He moved and he spoke with an efficient ease that was more animal than human. And he didn't telegraph his emotions. Unless Ranger had his tongue in my mouth it was usually impossible to tell what he was thinking. But every now and then, Ranger would step out of the box, and like a little treat that was doled out on special occasions, Ranger would make an entirely outrageous sexual statement.
At least it would be outrageous coming from an ordinary guy... from Ranger it seemed on the mark.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“That might work," I said. "I'm good at faking it."
This led to a couple moments of uncomfortable silence from both of us.
"You didn't mean... ?" Morelli asked.
"No. Of course not."
"Never?"
"Maybe once."
His eyes narrowed. "Once?"
"It's all that comes to mind. It was the time we were late for your Uncle Spud's birthday party."
"I remember that. That was great. You're telling me you faked it?"
"We were late! I couldn't concentrate. It seemed like the best way to go.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“I plunked down on the couch beside him.
"I don't have any accomplishments of any kind. I'm stupid and boring. I don't have any hobbies. I don't play sports. I don't write poetry. I don't travel to interesting places. I don't even have a good job."
"That doesn't make you stupid and boring," Morelli said.
"Well, I feel stupid and boring. And I wanted to feel interesting. And somehow, someone told my mother and grandmother that I played the cello. I guess it was me...only it was like some foreign entity took possession of my body. I heard the words coming out of my mouth, but I'm sure they originated in some other brain. And it was so simple at first. One small mention. And then it took on a life of it's own. And next thing, everyone knew."
"And you can't play the cello."
"I'm not even sure this is a cello."
Morelli went back to smiling. "And you think you're boring? No way, Cupcake."
"What about the stupid part?"
Morelli threw his arm around me. "Sometimes that's a tough call.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Men!"
"At least we don't fake it."
"Listen, it was your uncle. And we were late, remember? So I made the sacrifice and got us there in time for dessert. You should be thanking me."
Morelli's mouth was open slightly and his face was registering a mixture of astonished disbelief and wounded, pissed-off male pride.
Okay, it wasn't that much of a sacrifice at the time, and I knew he shouldn't be thanking me, but give me a break here... this wasn't famine in Ethiopia”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Go figure that. Joseph Morelli with a house, a dog, a steady job, and an SUV. And on odd days of the month he woke up wanting to marry me. It turns out want to marry him on even days of the month, so to date we've been spared commitment.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“You shouldn’t be driving,” Morelli said to Kloughn. “I know,” Kloughn said. “I tried walking, but I was too drunk. It’s okay. I was driving very slooooowly and ’sponsibly.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“I trudged down the stairs and stood on the sidewalk examining my car. Deep scratch in the roof from a misplaced bullet. Hole in windsheild plus embeddedbullet in passenger seat. Bashed-in right rear quarter panel and right passenger-side door from slegehammer. Previous damage from creepy gun attack by insane stalker, And someone had spray painted EAT ME on the driver's side door.
"Your car's a mess,"Lula said. "I don't know what it is with you and cars.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“We got into the Explorer, and I couldn’t sit with the gun rammed into my pants. “I can’t do this,” I said to Ranger. “This dumb gun is too big. It’s poking me.” Ranger closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wheel. “I can’t believe I hired you.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“my leg over the bike. Ranger was watching me, smiling. “I like the way you straddle that,” he said. “Someday . . .”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Ranger raised my bruised and bloody wrist to his mouth and kissed it.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“(…)jestem półprzytomnym nieszczęściem, potykającym się o własne nogi.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Ranger raised my bruised and bloody wrist to his mouth and kissed it. “I’m sorry to have to do this to you, but there”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“You were worried about me?” “No,” Hal said. “I was worried Ranger would kill me if I lost you.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“I ran through the store gathering together some basic foods. Bread, cheese, Tastykakes, peanut butter, cereal, milk, Tastykakes, eggs, frozen pizza, Tastykakes, orange juice, apples, lunch meat, and Tastykakes.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Uh oh,” Lula said. “Here comes Officer Hottie, and he don’t look happy.” Morelli moved behind me and curled his fingers into the back of my jacket collar. “I need to talk to you . . . outside.” “I wouldn’t go if I was you,” Lula said to me. “He’s wearing his mad cop face. At least you should make him leave his gun here.” Morelli shot Lula a look, and she buried her head in the chicken bucket.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don’t get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it’s never going to replace cake.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“chicken remains, wads of paper towels, empty soup cans, lunch-meat wrappers, and God knows what else.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
“Death isn’t such a big deal when it’s happening to someone else.”
― Janet Evanovich, quote from Eleven on Top
Janet Evanovich
Born place: in South River, New Jersey, The United States
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“See this page of paper? It’s blank,” Scull said. “That, sir, is the most frightening battlefield in the world: the blank page. I mean to fill this paper with decent sentences, sir—this page and hundreds like it. Let me tell you, Colonel, it’s harder than fighting Lee. Why, it’s harder than fighting Napoleon. It requires unremitting attention,”
― Larry McMurtry, quote from Comanche Moon
“OK, now let’s have some fun. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about women. Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything.
What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn’t get so mad at them.
Why are so many people getting divorced today? It’s because most of us don’t have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to.
A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navahos. The Kennedys.
But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it’s a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it’s a man.
When a couple has an argument, they may think it’s about money or power or sex, or how to raise the kids, or whatever. What they’re really saying to each other, though, without realizing it, is this:
“You are not enough people!”
I met a man in Nigeria one time, an Ibo who has six hundred relatives he knew quite well. His wife had just had a baby, the best possible news in any extended family.
They were going to take it to meet all its relatives, Ibos of all ages and sizes and shapes. It would even meet other babies, cousins not much older than it was. Everybody who was big enough and steady enough was going to get to hold it, cuddle it, gurgle to it, and say how pretty it was, or handsome.
Wouldn't you have loved to be that baby?”
― Kurt Vonnegut, quote from God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian
“Logic is a feeble reed, friend. “Logic” proved that airplanes can’t fly and that H-bombs won’t work and that stones don’t fall out of the sky. Logic is a way of saying that anything that didn’t happen yesterday won’t happen tomorrow.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, quote from Glory Road
“Her heart lurched and tears burned her eyes. “Surely you can escape.”
“Not this time.” He captured a tear that rolled down her cheek. “Don’t cry. You’ve given me more joy than I’ve ever known.”
“It’s not enough.”
He gave her a sad grin. “That’s how pirates are made. The plunder we take is never enough. We’re never content with what we have. We always want more.”
― Jade Parker, quote from To Catch a Pirate
“What was God doing with himself before the creation?”
― Samuel Beckett, quote from Molloy
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