By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead

No one ever found out what was happening inside me. How the pain was eating me away. No one ever came to my rescue, or stood up for me.

I hear you. I just don't believe a word you say.

Everything seems to be working." Except me. I'm broken.

I've never been afraid of the dark. I'm more afraid of the day, of people. I love the night. The solitude. Well, I don't love it. I don't feel love. I hate people, so I hope when I get there it isn't crowded. I hope the light is a momentary phenomenon and the other side is completely black. And silent.

Stop trying to save me. You couldn't then; you can't now.

Never question the sanity of a woman who can render you defenseless with a look.

What I know is you can't go back. You can't press delete and re-key your life.

There's no reason to speak. I have nothing to say.

Don't choose me. I'm not worth your time.

I'm sorry you don't get it, Mom. Sometimes I don't get why I do the things I do. I just know I wake up every morning and wish I was dead.

But you'd sell your soul for it, wouldn't you? For one day of feeling beautiful.

I may be fat and ugly, but I'm not stupid. If anyone had ever gotten past my looks, they might've noticed I have a brain.

I had to fight so hard not to cry.

Girls scare me more than boys. Boys are cruel. Girls are mean.

What can happen in a few minutes changes you forever.

Why are people so cruel? What did I ever do to them?

I hated him. I hated them all. They made me hate myself even more than I already did.

I wish I could tell my parents, " If you want to help me, help me die.

There's always a way out. All you have to do is take it.

I never defended myself. Not once. I never said, "Excuse me? What gives you the right to insult and demean me?" I let them steal my dignity.

I have no intent. I have no reason to live, that's all. When I'm gone, I don't want to be remembered.

Your failures and your faults, they stick with you. They glob into ugly, cancerous growths inside you and make you want to die.

His invitation lingers. So does my question. Why me? I don't know the answer. When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is a starving, stunted bird who never grew wings and lost all reason to sing.

I don't sleep. All night long I'm wide awake, thinking, Secrets, secrets, secrets. There are secrets in my past no one needs to know. Secrets in my present that might kill Kim and Chip. I don't want to take my secrets with me when I go. When I pass through the light, i want to be free of everything and everyone.

I just want the pain to end.

I'm scared. What will tomorrow bring? It has to be better than today. It has to.

You won't know until it's over. You won't find me in time.

She'll go to hell. They all will. If hell will even have them.

The sad truth is, they should never trust me.

Who will see you through the darkness? "Me," I key in the answer. "I'll find my own way.