“I am troubled, immeasurably
by your eyes.
I am struck by the feather
of your soft reply.
The sound of glass
speaks quick, disdain
what your eyes fight
“The Night is young
& full of rest
I can’t describe
the way she’s dress’d
She’ll pander to some strange
Anything that you suggest
Anything to please her guest.”
“No one thought up being. He who thinks he has, step forward.”
“Tell them you came, and saw, and looked
into my eyes and saw the shadow
of the guard receding.
Thoughts in time and out of season,
the hitchinker stood by the side of the road
and levelled his thumb in the
calm calculus of reason.
Why does my mind circle around you?
Why do planets wonder what it
would be like to be you?
All your soft wild promises were words,
birds, endlessly in flight.”
“In the holy solipsism
of the young
Now I can't walk thru a city
street w/out eying each
single pedestrian. I feel
thier vibe thru my
skin, the hair on my neck
--- it rises.”
“[...] My wild words
slip into fusion
and risk losing
the solid ground.
So stranger, get
Probe the highlands.”
“She dances in a ring of fire and throws off the challenge with a shrug.”
“The grand highway is crowded with lovers
so eager to please, and to forget. Wilderness”
I just left your room. You were so beautiful lying there sound asleep that I couldn’t bear to wake you. But I’m not feeling so great and there are things I promised to tell you that I fear I may not get the chance to.
I know you had once hoped that I would be the one to pass on your letters to Maddie once you were gone. But, as it turns out, I think it is going to be me who ends up leaving the letters behind.
Be mad at me. You should. But after that try to understand that I did what I thought was best. I wanted to tell you. So many times I snuck down to your room planning on telling you everything, but I just couldn’t.
Partly it was for you – yes. You needed time and I didn’t want to influence your choices, even once I realised what was happening between us, even more so then. Falling in love with you only made those choices more complicated and I feared that you might choose to stay for me and then, after I was gone, change your mind. I couldn’t let that happen.
Partly the choice was selfish, and for that I am sorry. For so long now people have been trying to fix me, but where they failed, you succeeded. You’ve given me more life in the last couple of weeks that I’ve had in years. Being with you, loving you, making memories with you, fearing for you, wanting to show you the beauty of life instead of the terror – it was bittersweet, but more importantly Sabine, it was real.
I know this is the part when I beg you to go on, live your life and be happy. But I don’t need to say those things. I know you. Your lives will be extraordinary. You certainly made mine feel that way.
Please find it in your heart to forgive me one day. I wish we had more time, but I want to thank you – for giving me life in my time of death.
My love for you is eternal.
“You know you’re loudest when you don’t say anything at all?”
“I turn and walk out, knowing exactly how many steps will take me away from that monster. Once again wishing I were Fia, Fia who could have killed him with her bare hands.
Fia who is impossible broken because she can do just that.”
“And I know I won't get the story out of Zu, not the full one, anyway. That's okay. We're allowed to have our secrets. Starting now, I'm leaving the past alone in the past.”
“One thing we are learning to be sure of: life does not get less strange.”
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