The Way I Used to Be

The Way I Used to Be is Amber Smith's debut young adult novel, following Eden, a fourteen-year-old girl whose life is upended when she is raped by her older brother's best friend. Terrified that no one will believe her and silenced by his threats, Eden tells no one and buries both the truth and the person she used to be. The narrative unfolds across four years of high school, divided into freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year sections that trace how the unspoken trauma reshapes her.

Told in Eden's tightly focused first-person present tense, the book charts her descent into anger, isolation, and self-destructive behavior as she struggles to cope with what happened to her. It explores themes of sexual assault and its aftermath, silence and shame, the difficulty of trust, and the long, non-linear path from victim to survivor. The story is frequently compared to Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak for its unflinching treatment of a teenage girl reckoning with rape.

A New York Times and international bestseller, the novel became a word-of-mouth and TikTok sensation and was recognized by numerous state and library lists, including a Goodreads Choice Award nomination and inclusion on the Amelia Bloomer List of feminist literature. It launched a series that continues Eden's story, and its candid portrayal of trauma has made it a widely discussed title in conversations about consent and survivorship in YA fiction.