The Lady In The Van

I know what’s required. It’s perfectly simple: Justice.

Good nature, or what is often considered as such, is the most selfish of all virtues: it is nine times out of ten mere indolence of disposition. William Hazlitt, ‘On the Knowledge of Character’ (1822)

One seldom was able to do her a good turn without some thoughts of strangulation.

Miss S. bevorzugte das pathetische Wort ‚land’ gegenüber dem üblichen ‚country’. ‚This land …’ In diesem Sinne gebraucht, ist es zwar nicht direkt die Sprache des Wahnsinns, aber doch der Besessenheit. Zeugen Jehovas sprechen ständig von ‚this land’, ebenso die National Front. Land ist gleich country plus Vorsehung – ein Land im Angesicht Gottes. Auch Mrs. Thatcher sagt ‚this land’.

May 1976. I have had some manure delivered for the garden and, since the manure heap is not far from the van, Miss S. is concerned that people passing might think the smell is coming from there. She wants me to put a notice on the gate to the effect that the smell is the manure, not her. I say no, without adding, as I could, that the manure actually smells much nicer. I am working in the garden when Miss B., the social worker, comes with a boxful of clothes. Miss S. is reluctant to open the van door, as she is listening to 'Any Answers', but eventually she slides on her bottom to the door of the van and examines the clothes. She is unimpressed. MISS S.: I only asked for one coat. MISS B.: Well, I brought three just in case you wanted a change. MISS S.: I haven't got room for three. Besides, I was planning to wash this coat in the near future. That makes four. MISS B.: This is my old nursing mac. MISS S.: I have a mac. Besides, green doesn't suit me. Have you got the stick? MISS B.: No. That's being sent down. It made to be made specially. MISS S.: Will it be long enough? MISS B.: Yes. It's a special stick. MISS S.: I don't want a special stick. I want an ordinary stick. Does it have a rubber thing on?