Patricia C. Wrede · 1056 pages
Rating: (8.8K votes)
“May you and your triple cursed wash water turn purple with orange spots and fall down a bottomless pit!”
― Patricia C. Wrede, quote from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles
“I didn’t ask what you’d said about it,” the frog snapped. “I asked what you’re going to do. Nine times out of ten, talking is a way of avoiding doing things.”
― Patricia C. Wrede, quote from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles
“You’d think they’d been raised in a palace for all the manners they have.” “If they’re princes, they probably have been raised in palaces,” Mendanbar said. “Princes usually are.” “Well, no wonder none of them have any manners, then.” The squirrel sniffed. “They ought to be sent to school in a forest, where people are polite. You don’t see any of my children behaving like that, no, sir. Please and thank you and yes, sir and no, ma’am—that’s how I brought them up, all twenty-three of them, and what’s good enough for squirrels is good enough for princes, I say.”
― Patricia C. Wrede, quote from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles
“Mendanbar wondered idly whether a bucket of soapy water plus lemon juice plus dishes would be as good for melting a wizard as one without dishes, and what effect the dishes would have on the process. Being melted was probably not very comfortable, but being melted while cups and plates and forks were falling on your head was likely to be even less so.”
― Patricia C. Wrede, quote from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles
“I’m the King, and I say you go to the dungeon instead of fighting wizards, and no argument.”
― Patricia C. Wrede, quote from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles
“Thank you very much,” I said. “But I really ought to tell you: I’m not a lord.” The dwarf smiled tolerantly. “Of course not, my lord. Is there anything else we can do for you?”
― Patricia C. Wrede, quote from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles
Patricia C. Wrede
Born place: in Chicago, The United States
Born date March 27, 1953
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“(Jen gets completely sloshed and it's not her wedding)
I was supposed to meet Carol and her family at the aquarium the next morning, and somehow had the presence of mind to leave a voicemail apologizing in advance for not being able to make it. I was please at myself for being so responsible and considerate. After I left the message, I blissfully headed off to bed, wearing a face full of makeup, all my grown up jewelry, and a relatively restrictive girdle.
Suffice it to say, yesterday was rough, what with my apartment spinning and all.
But today I felt better. That is, until Carol played me the voice mail I left for her at 1:03 AM. Somehow I thought I had been able to hold it together on the phone. Following is a transcript of the message I left:
30 seconds of heavy breathing, giggling, and intermittent hiccups (At first Carol thought it was a 911 call.)
Oh, heeheehee, I waassshh wayyyting for a beep. But noooooo beeeeeeep. Why don't you hash a beep on your, your, ummmmmm...celery phone? Noooooo beeeeeeep, hic, heeheeeheee.
Um, hiiiiii, itsch JEENNNNNNNN!! It's thirteen o'clock in the peeeeeee eeeemmmmmmm. Heeeeeeeellllllllllloooooooo! I went to my wedding tonight and it wash sooooo niiiiiiiiiice. Hic."
More giggling and the sound of a phone being dropped and retrieved
Nannyway, I am calling to telllll you noooooooooo fishies tomorry...no fishies for meeee! I hic, heeeee, can't smake it to the quariyummm. Maybeeee you can call me so I can say HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII later hich in the day hee hee hee. Call me at, um, 312, ummmmmmm, 312, uummmmm, hee hee hee I can't member my phone, Hic. Do you know my number? Can you call me and tell me what it isssch? I LIKESH TURKEY SAMMICHES!
10 seconds of chewing, giggling, and what may be gobbling sounds
Okay, GGGGGGGGooooooodniiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhttttt! No fish! Um, how do I turn this tthing off? Shhhhh, callllls' over. Beeee quiiiiiiietttt, hee hee hee."
15 more seconds of giggles, hiccups, shushing, and a great deal of banging
Perhaps this is why most people only have one wedding?”
― Jen Lancaster, quote from Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office
“My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!”
― George Carlin, quote from Brain Droppings
“Daughter of the Erl King and the Elfen Queen, that's who you are.”
― Celia Rees, quote from Witch Child
“He’d always been willing to confess his faults, for, by admitting them, it was as if he made them no longer exist.”
― Truman Capote, quote from The Complete Stories of Truman Capote
“I'm Dr. Ethan Kane, director of the Hauer Institute. My senior medical staff joins me in welcoming all of you to Maryland and to Liberty General Hospital. Think of it! You've been chosen to make an extraordinary journey with us. You'll be making medical history, making some very good money as well, and this will be the best experience you've ever had. I guarantee it!”
― James Patterson, quote from The Lake House
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