Neil Pasricha · 384 pages
Rating: (1.8K votes)
“Honey, have you seen my measuring tape?”
“I think it’s in that drawer in the kitchen with the scissors, matches, bobby pins, Scotch tape, nail clippers, barbecue tongs, garlic press, extra buttons, old birthday cards, soy sauce packets thick rubber bands, stack of Christmas napkins, stained take-out menus, old cell-phone chargers, instruction booklet for the VCR, some assorted nickels, an incomplete deck of cards, extra chain links for a watch, a half-finished pack of cough drops, a Scrabble piece I found while vacuuming, dead batteries we aren’t fully sure are dead yet, a couple screws in a tiny plastic bag left over from the bookshelf, that lock with the forgotten combination, a square of carefully folded aluminum foil, and expired pack of gum, a key to our old house, a toaster warranty card, phone numbers for unknown people, used birthday candles, novelty bottle openers, a barbecue lighter, and that one tiny little spoon.”
“Thanks, honey.”
AWESOME!”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“The Surprise Attack. This is when you think someone scaring you will frighten the hiccups away. Of course, popping a paper bag behind you or clapping in your ear isn’t going to cut it. No, this only works when somebody shoves you off a tall skyscraper ledge into a properly rigged-up safety net forty stories below.”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“Pain. It’s there for a reason. Whether your’e shredding your legs on a raspberry bush, scalding your hand in hot water, or taking an arrow to the chest in the forest, I got bad news for you, brother: That’s gonna hurt. Yes, when our bodies take blows, those powerful jolts make us cry salty tears, run for the hills, or crashland in hospital beds with limbs hanging everywhere.”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“The fact that you can go to the bathroom on an airplane is pretty novel. I bet nobody expected that a hundred years ago. Can you imagine two sailors looking over the front rails of their massive ocean liner in the early 1900s, one of them pointing way up in the clouds and whispering to the other, “One day a man will take a crap up there.” No, me either.”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“The point is it’s such a great feeling to scarf cookies with abandon like Cookie Monster.
Truly, he is the role model for us all.
AWESOME!”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“I have always been paranoid about waking people up. When I was younger and would come home late, I would take about twenty minutes to get from the driveway into my bed. I tiptoed up the walk, slid my house key in the door very slowly, took my shoes off outside, and crept upstairs to the bathroom like a burglar. Often I wouldn’t even flush until morning, preferring to let my business simmer overnight rather than wake somebody up with the sound of it zooming through walls on its way out of the house.”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“I fart, you fart, he farts, she farts.
Let’s not deny it, people. Farting is a regular, healthy, and hilarious part of life. Squeezing out big plumes of noxious gas doesn’t always smell good, but it generally feels might fine.”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“I will raise you like my own,” I promised the tiny basil pot that day. “I will give you sunlight, I will give you water, I will give you love.”
“I will eat your limbs,” my girlfriend helpfully added rubbing her belly and licking her lips like a grizzly bear gazing up at a sticky beehive in a tall pine tree.”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“No ticket ripper should say anything, but if you do happen to get caught you can always pretend you’re diabetic. “Honestly, these are prescription Pop Rocks.”
― Neil Pasricha, quote from The Book of (Even More) Awesome
“The wind was blowing from the east and the cedars bent before it,—blowing from the east like the breath of the war god. And Fred and Stanley were waving their hats gayly back to her, while the cedars bent and the wind blew from the east. They were like her own boys marching off to war. Children of her children, she loved them as she had loved their parents. Did a woman never get over loving? Deep love brought relatively deep heartaches. Why could not a woman of her age, whose family was raised, relinquish the hold upon her emotions? Why could she not have a peaceful old age, wherein there entered neither great affection nor its comrade, great sorrow? She had seen old women who seemed not to care as she was caring, whose emotions seemed to have died with their youth. Could she not be one of them? For a long time she stood in the window and looked at the cedars twisting before the east wind, like so many helpless women under the call from the east.”
― Bess Streeter Aldrich, quote from A Lantern in Her Hand
“Görünürde hiçbir değişiklik olmadığı, her şeyin tekdüze yaşandığı günlerde Buck, havanın yavaş yavaş soğuduğunu hissediyordu. Bir sabah geminin pervanesi durdu ve heyecanlı bir hareketlilik başladı. Buck ve diğer köpekler gemideki bu hareketliliğin farkına vardılar. Ne olduğunu anlamaya çalışırken, François geldi, hepsinin boynuna birer ip bağladı, onları güverteye çıkardı. Buck adımını atınca, çamura basmış gibi oldu. Hırlayarak ayağını geri çekti. Yerdeki bu beyaz çamur gökyüzünden dökülüyordu. Buck, anlam vermeye çalışarak başını indirip kokladı, sonra yaladı, dilinde önce soğuk, ardından yakıcı bir etki bırakı ve hemen suya dönüştü. Ne olduğunu bir türlü anlayamadı. Birkaç kez aynı şeyi yaptı. Çevreden izleyenler bu haline çok güldüler; Buck neden güldüklerini anlamadı ve utandı. O gün hayatı boyunca ilk kez kar gördü.”
― Jack London, quote from The Call of the Wild/White Fang
“I hate this Gladiator shit," Sabin muttered.
"Yes, well, where do you think the Romans learned from?"
Sabin sputtered for a minute. "You're trying to tell me Harpies are responsible for this? That the Romans learned from them?"
"I must try only if you are lacking intelligence.”
― Gena Showalter, quote from The Darkest Surrender
“We’re an adaptable species,” she said, refusing to be stopped, “but it’s wrong to inflict suffering just because your victim can endure it.” “Learn”
― Octavia E. Butler, quote from Lilith's Brood
“The life of my people is to remember forever; each head granary is full. The life of your people is to forget: your thing granaries ("museums"), and not yourselves, are full.”
― Alice Walker, quote from The Temple of My Familiar
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