“I loved mornings on the island. Fucking loved them. Emphasis on fucking.”
“Don’t touch me,” I clarified.
“Why not?”
Because I want it and I don’t deserve it.”
“I give you my life, my love, my soul,” I swore to her. “As long as I’m breathing, I’m yours.”
“How the fuck was I going to survive with this annoying, smoking hot bitch that I simultaneously wanted to fuck and kill?”
“Your…acceptance of me,” I said. “That’s really my favorite thing about you. I don’t know why you put up with my shit, but I’m glad you do.”
“You want to know,” I corrected. “The problem with that is you can’t ever un-know something. If I tell you, and you don’t like what I have to say, I can’t take it back…”
“I love you, and I need you to love me. I want it…so, so much…I need it. Even though I think it would be better for you not to care about me, I need you too much to turn away from it. I’ll never walk away from you, Raine, I swear – I’ll be with you as long as you will have me.”
“You gave me something…no, someone…to live for. There was no reason for my existence before you.”
“I felt possessive, protective, and paranoid.”
“I don’t think I will ever believe I deserve you, but I love you more than I can even describe. I don’t know if I can ever…be better for you, but it you’re willing to keep forgiving me for being a complete idiot, I’m willing to keep trying.”
“Maybe I was in love with the idea of love.”
“Why don’t you lie down?” I asked.
“I’m not tired.”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“Don’t say that word!” Raine cringed.
“What, c**t?” I laughed. “Why not?”
“It’s foul.”
“So am I,” I reminded her.”
“I don't understand this," I said softly. "I wanted to fuck you that first night on the raft, but that was just because I wanted to get off and you were there. I still want to fuck you, but the reasons are all different. I've never felt like this after sleeping with someone...or during it...shit. This didn't feel like I was fucking you...it was something else. I don't know what it is. I want to be with you, and touch you, and hold you. I have this overwhelming desire to protect you and make sure you're safe. Every time I look at you, it's like my chest gets crushed, and I just want to stare at you and hold on to you and tell you everything is going to be all right. I don't know what this is, Raine. I don't understand what you're doing to me."
I felt her fingers against my jaw and glanced down into her opened eyes. Fuck. She hadn't been asleep after all. Her mouth turned up into a beautiful smile, and her response ended me.
I love you too, Bastian.”
“Tell me you got me!”
“I’ve got you.”
“I’ve got you. Baby, you’re safe. Don’t be scared. I’ve got you.”
“You're my home," I said quietly.”
“If you call forth what is in you, it will save you. If you do not call forth what is in you, it will destroy you.”
“When you look at me like that," I said softly, "it's like I'm looking at your soul, and you're looking into mine. You make me feel like I'm worth something when you look at me like that.”
“She wasn’t going to let me out of it until I gave her some answers or fucking gagged her. I did want to gag her, but not quite in that way. I know – I’m fucking depraved.”
“I looked in the mirror, which was usually a mistake. This time was no exception.”
“Yeah, there is something you can do," I said coldly, turning my glare at her. "Come here and blow me. That would probably ease a bit of my tension - especially if you swallow.”
“Will you try to let me in, Bastian?" Raine asked. Her fingers traced over my jaw. "Just try? I won't hurt you-I swear I won't hurt you like that."
"You're already in," I confirmed.”
“You make me calm,” I said quietly, “or at least calmer. How do you know how to do that? The way you touch me, the way you look at me…I don’t know what it means.”
“I give you my life, my love, my soul," I swore to her. "As long as I'm breathing, I'm yours. Even when I'm nothing than a fucked up dick, I still love you.”
“Forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet which still clings fast to the heel that crushed it.”
Raine’s eyes met mine again, her tears still staining her cheeks.
“I’m a heel, Raine,” I told her. “You’re my beautiful violet, and I’m always crushing you. You take away my nightmares, and I probably add to yours. I don’t think I will ever believe I deserve you, but I love you more than I can even describe. I don’t know if I can ever…be better for you, but if you’re willing to keep forgiving me for being a complete idiot, I’m willing to keep trying.”
“I held you," she said, her voice was tense and gaining in volume. "I held you, and you cried, and you asked me why no one had ever wanted you. You asked me why your own mother didn't want you. You asked me why it hurt so much and if I could make it stop hurting. I may not know a lot about you, but I know you aren't as much of a badass as you want people to think you are.”
“I like the way you look at me," I said seriously. "Sometimes when you do, your eyes light up, and I think maybe I could be Lucky enough for you to care about a fucked up asshole like me."
"That's love, you know," Raine said with a smile. "I see it in your eyes when you look at me, too.”
“Rained placed the palms of her hands on either side of my face and turned my head to look into her eyes. I was overwhelmed by whatever I saw there – I still didn’t know what it was, I only know I needed it.”
“I don't recall telling you I was anything other than a lunatic.”
“Don't cry, Raine. Not for me." "Someone should," she said.”
“Even jealousy is based on fantasies: a fantasy that someone else has what belongs to you.”
“He’s nothing but a deformed emanation of energy.”
“In speaking of a constitution in cyberspace we are simply asking: What values should be protected there? What values should be built into the space to encourage what forms of life?”
“But I can tell you this,” he continued. “The white witch doesn’t feel things the way we do, do you understand? She’s all ice. That is her whole point.”
A palace of ice and a heart to match. “I don’t understand. Why would people go looking for her? Why would they want to go with her?”
Ben sat back. He looked at Hazel searchingly, sadly. His shoulders rose and fell. “Sometimes,” he said slowly, “it seems like it would be easier to give yourself to the ice.”
“I will keep an eye on Diatribe, with her big talk and heroic gestures, to see with what force she will bring down my Achilles, when hitherto she has never managed to hit a common soldier, not even a Thersites, but she has shot her miserable self to pieces with her own weapons.”
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