“I don't fit in your world."
"Neither do I," he said, his expression tender yet resolute. "So let's make our own. We've done it before.”
“[T.J.] I pulled my arms out from underneath her body and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I love you, Anna.”
The surprised look on her face told me she hadn’t seen that coming.
“You weren’t supposed to fall in love,” she whispered.
“Well, I did,” I said, looking into her eyes. “I’ve been in love with you for months. I’m telling you now because I think you love me too, Anna. You just don’t think you’re supposed to. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I can wait.” I pulled her mouth down to mine and kissed her and when it ended, I smiled and said, “Happy birthday.”
“You named the chicken, Chicken?"
She looked embarrassed. "When we decided not to kill it, I got attached.”
“[T.J.] I kissed her as soon as we were inside her apartment, and I wasn’t gentle about it, holding her face firmly in my hands and pressing my lips hard against hers. She wasn’t anyone’s to own – I knew that – but right then she was mine.”
“I want you to be my wife. There’s no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with. We can live out here, you, me, our kids, and Bo. But I get it now, Anna. My decisions affect you, too. So now you have one of your own to make. Will you marry me?”
“I must cry more than anyone you know,” I said. He brushed the hair back from my face and smiled. “You puke a lot, too.”
“[Anna] In February, I woke up from a nap. A bouquet of flowers gathered from the various bushes and shrubs scattered around the island lay on the blanket beside me, a small length of rope wound around their stems.
I found T.J. down at the shore. “Someone’s been checking the calendar.”
He grinned. “I didn’t want to miss Valentine’s Day.”
I kissed him. “You’re sweet to me.”
Pulling me closer, he said, “It’s not hard, Anna.”
I stared into T.J.’s eyes, and he started to sway. My arms went around his neck and we danced, moving in a circle, the sand soft and warm under our feet.
“You don’t need music, do you?”
“No,” T.J. said. “But I do need you.”
“I never wanted anyone else, T.J. I just wanted what was best for you."
"You are what's best for me," he said, cradling my head in his arms, his legs intertwined with mine. "I'm not going anywhere, Anna. This is right where I want to be.”
“[T.J.] Without thinking, I held them out to her. She stopped laughing, and looked at me like she wasn't quite sure what I meant. I waited, and she leaned toward me and opened her mouth. I slid my fingers inside, wondering if my eyes were as big as hers. When she sucked the breadfruit off, my breathing got all messed up.
"More?"
She nodded, just barely, and her breathing didn't sound right either. I scooped up some breadfruit and this time, when I put my fingers in her mouth, she put her hand on my wrist.
I waited for her to swallow and then I lost my shit completely.
I grabbed her face with both hands, and I kissed her, hard. She opened her mouth and I slipped my tongue inside. I could have kissed her for days, and if she told me to stop I wasn't sure I'd be able to.”
“You’re not gonna name it Dog, are you?”
“What's it like being with her? Is it true what they say about older chicks?"
"She's not that much older."
"Uh, okay. So anyway, how is it?"
"It's incredible."
"What's she do"
"She does everything, Ben.”
“[T.J.] If she had gotten sick, the only thing I could have done was watch her suffer. Bury her next to Mick when she died. I didn’t know if I could make it without her. The sound of her voice, her smile, her– those were the things that made living on the island bearable. I held her a little tighter and thought if she woke up I might tell her that. She didn’t though. She sighed in her sleep, and eventually I drifted off.”
“It would be like eating your favorite food. At first, it would be great but after a while you wouldn't want it anymore. It wouldn't taste as good.”
“This next part might cheer you up. So my mom told me she was gonna drive me to my appointment at the sperm bank, and she handed me one of my dad's Playboys--I had something way dirtier stashed in my closet, by the way--and she asked me, all serious, if I knew what do do."
"You've got to be kidding."
"No, I'm not." He started laughing. "I was fifteen, Anna. I was and expert at it, and I did not want to talk about jacking off with my mom.”
“I’ve been in love with you for months. I’m telling you now because I think you love me, too, Anna. You just don’t think you’re supposed to. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I can wait.”
“We were eating lunch when a chicken walked out of the woods.
“Anna, look behind you.”
She turned around. “What the heck?”
We watched as the chicken came closer. It pecked the ground, not in any kind of hurry.
“There was one more after all,” I said.
“Yeah, the stupid one,” Anna pointed out. “Although it’s the last one standing, so it’s done something right.”
It came right up to Anna and she said, “Oh, hi. Do you not know what we did to the rest of your kind?”
“The selfish part of me, however, couldn't fathom not falling asleep in his arms or being with him every day. I needed TJ, and the thought of being away from him bothered me more than I wanted to admit.”
“I'm gonna kick your ass, Callahan."
"Really? You and what army?" She probably weighed about a hundred pounds. We both knew she wasn't kicking anyone's ass.
"Don't get too cocky. One of these days, I'll figure out a way to take you down."
I laughed and said, "Oooh, I'm scared, Anna."
What I didn't admit, though, was that she could have brought me to my knees with one touch of her hand, if she put it in the right place.
I wondered if she knew that.”
“I made the mistake of looking down when I got ready to wash his legs. The water in the lagoon was clear enough to see that he had a hard-on sticking up in this shorts. "TJ!"
"Sorry." He looked at me sheepishly. "I cant hide this one."
Wait, how many have there been?
I suddenly didn't know where to look. It wasn't his fault though; I had forgotten what would happen if you rubbed a seventeen-year-old all over with your hands.
Or any man, actually.”
“What did you wrap my hand with?" he asked. "My thong." I looked up at him. "You were right ; it's totally uncomfortable. Awesome for first-aid though." The corners of T.J.'s mouth turned up slighty. He looked at me, his brown eyes showing a trance of the spark that had been missing the night before. "It'll make for a funny story someday," I said. "You know what, Anna? It's kinda funny now.”
“I've never been so scared in my life. I thought that shark was going to eat you."
TJ hugged me, resting his chin on the top of my head. "It didn't though."
"We're going to eat him now, aren't we?" I asked.
"Oh, hell yes," he said, a big grin on his face.”
“Is your life better with him, Anna, or without him? I decided right then, standing on that sidewalk, to stop worrying about things that might never go wrong.”
“Get a couple of rooms and charge everything to them," my dad said.
"We only need one room, Dad."
He paused for a second. "Oh. Okay.”
“But Calvinists have never been pacifists: they have always been all too ready for a fight.”
“preps are like cheerleaders, except less jumpy”
“I hate them for not being in pain like me, hate them for being able to enjoy themselves. Hate myself for feeling that way.”
“You never forget about things you've done that you know you shouldn't have done. They hang around your mind, linger like a thief casing a joint for a future job. You see them there, dramatically lurking nearby in striped monochrome, leaping behind postboxes as soon as your head whips around to confront them. Or it's a familiar face in a crowd that you glimpse but then lose sight of. An annoying Where's Wally? forever locked away and hidden in every thought in your conscience. The bad thing that you did, always there to let you know.”
“When your feet start to hurt, place yourself in someone else’s shoes.”
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