“Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.”
“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”
“Life wasn't too bad. The trouble with Man was, even while he was having a good time, he didn't appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment might be the happiest in me life. The very thought of it made him miserable.”
“Patience, thought Milligan, that word was invented by dull buggers who couldn't think quick enough.”
“Author? Author? Did you write these legs?'
'Yes."
'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.”
“The width of neck and shoulder suggested a rugby player, the broken nose confirmed it. Which shows just how wrong you can be as he never played the game in his life.”
“Come, come, come? I'm not asking for hundreds of pounds, just a little to start with. Will someone say ten shillings?'
'I can say it, Father' said Milligan, 'but I haven't got it.'
'I've got it,' thought Dr Goldstein, 'but I'm not going to say it.”
“I am alone and miserable. Only someone as ugly as I am could love me.”
“Proper teaching is recognized with ease. You can know it without fail because it awakens within you that sensation which tells you this is something you have always known.”
“It's like knowing your way through the forest. You don't keep the whole forest in your mind, but wherever you are, you know where to go next.”
“I'm so afraid. Because I'm so profoundly happy. Happiness like this is frightening...They only let you this happy if they're preparing to take something from you.”
“There are all sorts of dream interpretations, Freud's being the most notorious, but I have always believed they served a simple eliminatory function, and not much more - that dreams are the psyche's way of taking a good dump every now and then.”
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