The Hour I First Believed
Quotes from the Book
nobody’s ever been arrested for a murder; they have only ever been arrested for not planning it properly.
If you want to be free, all you have to do is let go.
You can kill a thinker, but you can't kill the thought.
If you take the final betrayal out of it,' he said, 'he was a fine agent - one of the best.' I stared at him. 'That's one way of putting it,' I replied. 'If you take the bomb out of it, 6 August was probably a nice day in Hiroshima.
The world doesn't change in front of your eyes, it changes behind your back.
In war, the first casualty is truth.
The driver thought I was crazy—but then his religion thinks stoning a woman to death for adultery is reasonable, so I figured we were about even.
Like people say—if you want to make God laugh, tell him you’ve got plans.
if the shit is up to your neck—whatever you do, don’t make waves.
Some people say that compassion is the purest form of love because it neither expects nor demands anything in return.
People say love is weak, but they're wrong: love is strong. In nearly everyone it trumps all other things - patriotism and ambition, religion and upbringing. And every kind of love - the epic and the small, the noble and the base - the one that a parent has for their child is the greatest of them all. That was the lesson I learned that day, and I'll be forever grateful I did. Some years later, deep in the ruins called Theatre of Death, it salvaged everything.
A writer called Robert Louis Stevenson once said that ‘sooner or later we all sit down to a banquet of consequences.
I slept, and dreamed that life was beauty; I woke, and found that life was duty.
We’ve got one huge advantage—people believe what they see in databases. They’ve never learned the most important rule of cyberspace—computers don’t lie but liars can compute.
there was this book I'd read by somebody whose name I couldn't remember and he had this expression 'sorrow floats
The three agents were hard guys, the youngest of them in his twenties, a man whose IQ was so low I figured they had to water him twice a day.
The interior of the arms dealer's private jet was so ugly it hurt my feelings as well as my eyeballs.
you gonna curse the darkness or light a candle?
As a Turkish proverb says--it was going to be like digging a well with a needle.
After all, education is a grab for a better future, no matter how impossible the prospect may seem at the time.
We wanted a labour force, but human beings came.
I knew he was lying – he was so full of shit that if I gave him an enema I could have fitted him in a shoebox.
She knew, even in marriage, if you advanced too far to please the other person it let them edge away and you ended up always laughing and fighting and screwing on their territory. Sometimes you had to stand your ground and make them come to you—just to keep the equilibrium.
A child without parents learns to survive: they work out early to mask what they feel and if the pain proves beyond bearing, to dig a cave in their head, and hide inside.
so hot that the locals claimed a pervert was a man who preferred women to beer
I had got up in the morning and, by the time I was ready for bed, it was a different planet: the world doesn't change in front of your eyes, it changes behind your back.
I was angry about injustice--about the uncaring way the world works. I knew a lot of ordinary people had died that day, not because of fire or falling masonry but because of their compassion. It was their desperate attempts to save other human being--often total strangers--that ended up costing them their own lives.
Burke said the problem with war is that it usually consumes the very things that you’re fighting for—justice, decency, humanity—and I couldn’t help but think of how many times I had violated our nation’s deepest values in order to protect them. Lost in thought, I headed for the
NOT EVERYBODY KNOWS this – or cares probably – but the first law of forensic science is Locard’s Exchange Principle, and it says ‘Every contact between a perpetrator and a crime scene leaves a trace.
Did you know?
- I Am Pilgrim was Terry Hayes's debut novel, published in 2013 after a career as a journalist and screenwriter.
- The narrator, an ex-intelligence agent, is known by the code name Pilgrim and had earlier written under a pseudonym a leading textbook on forensic investigation.
- The novel won the 2014 Specsavers National Book Award in the Thriller & Crime category.
- MGM acquired the film rights in 2014, and a screen adaptation has remained in development.
- Before writing fiction, Hayes co-wrote the screenplay for Mad Max 2 with director George Miller.
- Hayes published a second thriller, The Year of the Locust, in 2023, roughly a decade after I Am Pilgrim.
About Terry Hayes
About the book
"I Am Pilgrim" is the 2013 debut novel of Australian screenwriter Terry Hayes, a sprawling espionage thriller built from two converging storylines. In one, a retired American intelligence operative code-named "Pilgrim" - once the anonymous author of a definitive book on forensic pathology - is drawn into a New York murder case in which a woman has been killed and her body dissolved in acid, the crime staged using methods drawn from his own text. In the other, a Saudi man who becomes known as the "Saracen," radicalized after witnessing his father's public execution, trains as a doctor and sets out to engineer a vaccine-resistant strain of smallpox as an attack on the United States.
Told largely in Pilgrim's retrospective first-person voice, the book moves across continents - New York, the Aegean coast of Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan - as the hunt for the murderer folds into a race to identify and stop a mass-casualty bioterror plot. Hayes threads themes of surveillance and hidden identity, the long aftershocks of 9/11, revenge, and the moral costs paid by those who operate in the shadows, drawing on his screenwriting background to keep the plot propulsive and cinematic across its many hundreds of pages.
The novel became an international bestseller and won the 2014 Specsavers National Book Award in the Thriller & Crime category, and MGM acquired the film rights. It established Hayes - previously known for screenplays including "Mad Max 2" and "Payback" - as a major voice in suspense fiction, and he followed it a decade later with a second thriller, "The Year of the Locust" (2023).
Key characters
- PilgrimRetired US intelligence agent and narrator, once author of a forensic pathology text
- The SaracenSaudi-born doctor radicalized as a young man, engineering a bioweapon
- Ben BradleyNew York homicide detective who pulls Pilgrim into the acid-bath murder case
- Ingrid KohlYoung woman entangled in the New York murder investigation
Book details
- First published
- 2013
- Length
- 612 pages
- Reading time
- 11 hours
- Author
- Terry Hayes
- Genre
- Fiction
- Goodreads rating
- 4.30 (206k ratings) →
- First line
- “There are places I'll remember all my life - Red Square with a hot wind howling across it, my mother's bedroom on the wrong side of 8-Mile, the endless gardens of a fancy foster home, a man waiting to kill me in a group of ruins known as the Theatre of Death.”
Keep reading
The Hour I First Believed
The Prisoner of Heaven
In Cold Blood
The Adventures of Augie March
The Black Prism
The Green Mile
The Devils
The Liar's Key
And the Mountains Echoed
The Brothers K
The Stand
Emperor of Thorns
The Long Hard Road Out of Hell
Light in August
We Were Liars
The Kite Runner
The Jewel in the Crown
The Blinding Knife
Plain Truth
The Wheel of Osheim
Odd Hours
Tricks for Free
Shine
Odd Thomas
Dread Nation
Corrupt
A Perilous Undertaking
The Quiet American
The Mime Order
Wayfaring Stranger
Saint Odd
Library of Souls
Empire Falls
Coyote Blue
The Sympathizer
I Know This Much Is True
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
A Separate Peace
She Who Waits
Surfacing
Cutting for Stone
The Glass Castle
Fool's Fate
First Year
Speaking from Among the Bones
Beyond the Shadows
Summer of My German Soldier
The Shadow Land
A Fatal Inversion
Thrice the Brinded Cat Hath Mew'd
Crime and Punishment
NOS4A2
The Song Rising
Perfect Match
Demon Copperhead
Invisible Man
The 13½ Lives of Captain Bluebear
Hawaii
The First Circle
The Testaments

