Adele Faber · 286 pages
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“I was a wonderful parent before I had children.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“When we give children advice or instant solutions, we deprive them of the experience that comes from wrestling with their own problems.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Let us be different in our homes. Let us realize that, along with food, shelter, and clothing, we have another obligation to our children, and that is to affirm their “rightness.” The whole world will tell them what’s wrong with them—loud and often. Our job is to let our children know what’s right about them.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“The attitude behind your words is as important as the words themselves.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“The more you try to push a child's unhappy feelings away, the more he becomes stuck in them. The more comfortable you can accept the bad feelings, the easier it is for kids to leg go of them.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“It’s a bittersweet road we parents travel. We start with total commitment to a small, helpless human being. Over the years we worry, plan, comfort, and try to understand. We give our love, our labor, our knowledge, and our experience—so that one day he or she will have the inner strength and confidence to leave us.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Some children can tell you why they’re frightened, angry, or unhappy. For many, however, the question “Why?” only adds to their problem. In addition to their original distress, they must now analyze the cause and come up with a reasonable explanation. Very often children don’t know why they feel as they do. At other times they’re reluctant to tell because they fear that in the adult’s eyes their reason won’t seem good enough. (“For that you’re crying?”) It’s much more helpful for an unhappy youngster to hear, “I see something is making you sad,” rather than to be interrogated with “What happened?” or “Why do you feel that way?” It’s easier to talk to a grown-up who accepts what you’re feeling rather than one who presses you for explanations.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“نذرف الدموع أنا و أمي عندما تستحضر في ذهنها كيف كانت تحادثنا عندما كنا أطفالا، تقول: حينما أسمعك تتكلمين مع ابنك أخجل كيف كانت تحادثنا عندما كنا أطفالا."
(إحدى الرسائل التي أرسلها الآباء الذين استفادوا من الكتاب)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Once upon a time there were two seven-year-old boys named Bruce and David. They both had mother s who loved them very much.
Each boy's day began differently.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Sometimes just having someone understand how much you want something makes reality easier to bear. So”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“All we are given is possibilities— to make ourselves one thing or another. JOSÉ ORTEGA Y GASSET”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs. Then I had three of my own.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Living with real children can be humbling.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Children don’t need to have their feelings agreed with; they need to have them acknowledged.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Does my request make sense in terms of my child’s age and ability? (Am I expecting an eight-year-old to have perfect table manners?)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Does he feel my request is unreasonable? (“Why does my mother bug me to wash behind my ears? Nobody looks there.”)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Can I give her a choice about when to do something, rather than insisting upon “right now.” (“Do you want to take your bath before your TV show or right after?”)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Can I offer a choice about how something is done? (“Do you want to take your bath with your doll or your boat?”)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“To Engage a Child’s Cooperation 1. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE, OR DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM. “There’s a wet towel on the bed.” 2. GIVE INFORMATION. “The towel is getting my blanket wet.” 3. SAY IT WITH A WORD. “The towel!” 4. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL. “I don’t like sleeping in a wet bed!” 5. WRITE A NOTE. (above towel rack) Please put me back so I can dry. Thanks! Your Towel”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“وكان الدرس الذي تلقيته أنه ليس كافيا تقديم خدمة شفهية لمشاركة الولد فيما يشعر به، بل يجب أحيانا أن نمشي خطوة إضافية لنرى الأشياء من خلال عيونهم”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“كل إنسان يمكن أن يقرأ كتابا، و لكن يحتاج المرء إلى عزم شديد، وإلى أن يقف نفسه على دراسة كل كلمة في الصفحة كي يستطيع أن يستخدمها في التغلب على حزنه وغمه.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“It’s a bittersweet road we parents travel. We start with total commitment to a small, helpless human being. Over the years we worry, plan, comfort, and try to understand. We give our love, our labor, our knowledge, and our experience—so that one day he or she will have the inner strength and confidence to leave”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kis. Also teaches them not to know what their feelings are--not to trust them.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Parents don’t usually give this kind of response, because they fear that by giving a name to the feeling they’ll make it worse. Just the opposite is true. The child who hears the words for what she is experiencing is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged her inner experience.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Living with real children can be humbling. Every morning I would tell myself, “Today is going to be different,”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“One father said that what helped him become more sensitive to his son’s emotional needs was when he began to equate the boy’s bruised, unhappy feelings with physical bruises.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“We say “please” to our children to model a socially acceptable way to make a small request. But “please” lends itself best to our more relaxed moments.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“There are youngsters who prefer no talk at all when they’re upset. For them, Mom or Dad’s presence is comfort enough. One mother told us about walking into the living room and seeing her ten-year-old daughter slumped on the sofa with tear-stained eyes. The mother sat down beside her daughter, put her arms around her, murmured, “Something happened,” and sat silently with her for five minutes. Finally, her daughter sighed and said, “Thanks, Mom. I’m better now.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
“Is there any way to explain the fact that sometimes my kids respond when I ask them to do something and sometimes I can’t seem to get through?”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Adele Faber
Born place: The United States
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“Normality is the Great Neurosis of civilization.”
― Tom Robbins, quote from Even Cowgirls Get the Blues
“Il sole tramontava già fra le profondità verdi delle colline a ovest della vallata, e le sue ombre rosse e rosate sfioravano gli angoli più remoti della campagna, quando Flick Ohmsford cominciò la sua discesa. Il sentiero calava giù irregolarmente per il pendio settentrionale, serpeggiando attraverso i massi imponenti che costeggiavano il terreno, sparendo nelle folte foreste delle pianure per ricomparire a tratti nelle piccole radure e negli spazi liberi della zona dei boschi.”
― Terry Brooks, quote from The Sword of Shannara
“It's fun to talk about heaven, about the throne of God and Jesus and Pop and the daughter we thought we had lost but will meet again someday. But it's not fun to talk about how we got there.”
― Todd Burpo, quote from Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back
“Thump
“Oh, God”
Thump Thump
Unbelievable…
I woke up faster this time, because I knew what I was hearing I sat up in bed, glaring behind me. The bed was still pulled safely away from the wall, so I felt no movement. But there sure as hell something moving over there.
Then I heard ……hissing?
I looked down at Clive, whose tail was at full puff. He arched his back and paced back and forth at the foot of the bed.
“Hey, mister. It’s cool. We just got a noisy neighbor, that’s all,” I soothed, stretching my hand out to him. That’s when I heard it. “Meow”
I cocked my head sideways, listening more intently. I studied Clive, who looked back at me as if to say “T’weren’t me”.
“Meow! Oh, God. Me -Yow!”
The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?
Clive, at this point, went utterly bonkers and launched himself at the wall. He was literally climbing it, trying to get where the noise was coming from, and adding his own meows to the chorus.
“Oooh yes, just like that, Simon…Mmmm….Meow, meow, Meow!”
Sweet Lord, there were out-of-control pussies on both sides of this wall tonight.”
― Alice Clayton, quote from Wallbanger
“Different sorts of survival machine appear very varied on the outside and in their internal organs. An octopus is nothing like a mouse, and both are quite different from an oak tree. Yet in their fundamental chemistry they are rather uniform, and, in particular, the replicators that they bear, the genes, are basically the same kind of molecule in all of us—from bacteria to elephants. We are all survival machines for the same kind of replicator—molecules called DNA— but there are many different ways of making a living in the world, and the replicators have built a vast range of machines to exploit them. A monkey is a machine that preserves genes up trees, a fish is a machine that preserves genes in the water; there is even a small worm that preserves genes in German beer mats. DNA works in mysterious ways.”
― Richard Dawkins, quote from The Selfish Gene
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