“Whoever had decided that school should start so early in the morning and last all day long needed to be hunted down and forced to watch hours of educational televison without the aid of caffine.”
“Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core.”
“The world is full of monsters with friendly faces.”
“People fear what they can't understand and harm what they fear.”
“Morning, sunshine."
Vlad blinked at her. "Morning, sulfuric acid."
"Pardon me?"
"Well, isn't it just kinda wrong to call a vampire 'sunshine'?”
“Nothing could convince Aunt Nelly to let Vlad stay home for the duration of the school year, which just goes to prove that parents and guardians don't care if they're sending you to face bloodthirsty monsters, so long as you get a B in English.”
“Vlad had found himself longing to encounter those of his own kind, to travel to the streets of Elysia-that far away world, but after a while it seemed more of a fairy tale than anything else.
Like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, only with fangs.”
“To his amazement, he could already hear Henry snoring in the backseat. That guy could fall asleep on a car trip to the mailbox.”
“Vlad's heart sank into his stomach, then squeezed its way down his leg and popped out of the hole in his shoe, where it struck the floor and broke.”
“According to his dad's journal, vampires had been through some of the worst epidemics in history. And apparently, during the days of the Black Plague, their biggest complaint had been rotten "food".”
“If you thought eighth grade was tough, try it with fangs and a fear of garlic.”
“Thw world is full of monsters with friendly faces.”
“Vlad blinked, unsure where her question was coming from and, more importantly, where it was going.”
“Balt Van Tassel was an easy indulgent soul; he loved his daughter better even than his pipe, and, like a reasonable man and an excellent father, let her have her way in everything.”
“It is important if someone asks you to remember one of your happiest times to consider not only the question but also the questioner. If the question is asked by someone you love, it is fair to assume that this person hopes to feature in this recollection he has called forth.”
“But there’s that thing with secrets, too, how they take over your head, feeding on your every thought, growing bigger all the time until the day comes they’re so heavy you can’t walk.”
“I ONCE READ somewhere that the odds of getting hit by lightning are one in a million. One in a friggin’ million. So, if this situation were to be viewed optimistically, I’m a pretty unique individual. But here’s the thing—I just got hit by lighting on my birthday, so optimism can go kiss pessimism’s”
“The word purebred is something we can define by counting generations back in dog-sex land. But it is not an indication of species or anything special, really.”
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