Antichrista

Cei care cred că a citi înseamnă o fugă de realitate se situează la polul opus adevărului: a citi înseamnă a te plasa în prezenţa realului în starea sa cea mai concentrată - ceea ce, în mod bizar, este mai puţin îngrozitor decît să ai de-a face cu permanentele lui diluări.

Quanto a me, le storie di vittime e carnefici mi irritavano oltre misura. Forse per questa ragione non avevo mai avuto un amico o un'amica: avevo visto troppe volte, al liceo e altrove, il nobile nome dell'amicizia accostato a oscure schiavitù inaccettabili, a sistemici dispositivi di umiliazione, a nauseanti sottomissioni, fino a comportamenti da capro espiatorio. Avevo dell'amicizia una visione sublime: se non era alla Oreste e Pilade, Achille e Patroclo, Montaigne e La Boétie, perché tu sei proprio tu, e io sono proprio io, allora non la volevo. Se lasciava spazio alla minima bassezza, alla minima rivalità, all'ombra di un' invidia, all'ombra di un'ombra, la respingevo a pedate.

That was what university was: thinking you were going to open yourself up to a universe, and meeting nobody.

I had always been alone and wouldn't have minded if it had been a matter of choice. It never had been. I dreamed of being integrated, if only to give myself the luxury of subsequently disintegrating.

I had this notion of passionate love: if it ever happened to me, I wouldn't be able to imagine a moment's separation. What could you bear to have between the loved one and yourself, apart from the blade of a sword?

If I had been deceived, it was because, for a moment, I had loved. 'I am one of those who love, not those who hate,' declares Sophocles' Antigone. No one has ever said anything more beautiful.

In actual fact, creatures like Sabine and myself were the guilty ones: rather than approaching their kin and comforting one another, they loved beyond their means - they needed individuals a thousand miles from their own complexes, they needed Christas, radiant and seductive personalities. And then they were astonished that their friendships turned out badly, as though anything like that could possibly work, a panther with a mouse, a shark with a sardine.