Quotes from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I'm always a bit shy around evil people...”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs.

"Listen," she said, not unkindly, "up until now I would say that ninety-nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?"

I nodded.

"Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money. I don't care about your money, and, unlike your previous suppliers, I went to college to study just the right drugs to give to people like you in order to help you get better. So, bearing all that in mind ... Take the fucking drugs!"

I took the drugs.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy.

I do have a knack for finding great women.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pretty good, but we didn’t keep in touch. They’re probably taxi drivers and accountants by now.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“Gillette--The best a man can get."

I stared at the screen. What happened to me? I was meant to be one of those guys, vigorous and athletic and successful and, most of all, American. I was going to walk on the moon, be a movie star or a rock got or a comedian. I was going to have an amazing life and kids with Helen and die like Chaplin a thousand years from now in my Beverly Hills mansion surrounded by my adoring family, with the grieving world media standing by. Instead, I was just another show-business mediocrity. A drunk who shat his pants and ran for help.

My life had been careless and selfish. Pleasure in the moment was my only thought, my solitary motivation. I had disappointed whoever had been foolish enough to love me, and left them scarred.

I was a very long way from being the best a man can get.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote:
I give you the world.
Have fun blowing it up.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic—I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“That's why I believe in a Constitution which separates church from state. I've seen what happens when they get in cahoots.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“America truly is the best idea for a country that anyone has ever come up with so far. Not only because we value democracy and the rights of the individual, but because we are always our own most effective voice of descent....We must never mistake disagreement between Americans on political or moral issues to be an indication of their level of patriotism. If you don't like what I say or don't agree with where I stand on certain issues, then good. I'm glad we're in America, and don't have to oppress each other over it. We're not just a nation, we're not an ethnicity. We are a dream of justice that people have had for a thousand years.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“Those unexpected morality lessons provided by the trip had jolted me into some kind of action. It was time to jettison the past before the present jettisoned me. This was my first veiled attempt at recovery. Although perhaps I was just running away again. I returned to Glasgow, planning to say a final goodbye to Anne and get out of her life, but ended up drinking with buddies in the Chip Bar and never seeing her. I called her instead to say I was moving to London and told her she could have the house and everything else we owned, which wasn't much. I think she was as relieved as I was that I was leaving town for good.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I took the sleeper out of Glasgow, and as the smelly old train bumped out of Central Station and across the Jamaica Street Bridge, I stared out at the orange halogen streetlamps reflected in the black water of the river Clyde. I gazed at the crumbling Victorian buildings that would soon be sandblasted and renovated into yuppie hutches. I watched the revelers and rascals traverse the shiny wet streets. I thought of the thrill and danger of my youth and the fear and frustration of my adult life thus far. I thought of the failure of my marriage and my failures as a man. I saw all this through my reflection in the nighttime window.

Down the tracks I went, hardly aware that I was going further south with every passing second.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“After all this time I found that the novel is in fact punk rock.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony-the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“Violence of any kind, once it starts, is like fucking a gorilla-you ain't done till
the gorilla's done.”
― Craig Ferguson, quote from American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

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