“If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to talk for a very long time without actually doing anything.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“History has rewritten itself so many times I'm not really sure how it was to begin with -- it's a bit like trying to guess the original color of a wall when it's been repainted eight times.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Sometimes I don't know whether I'm thening or nowing.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“To espresso or to latte, that is the question...whether 'tis tastier on the palate to choose white mocha over plain...or to take a cup to go. Or a mug to stay, or extra cream, or have nothing, and by opposing the endless choice, end one's heartache...”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time!”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If it's a chimera alert, we just follows the screams. ”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then — and this is the important bit — do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I suggest we depict penguins as callous and unfeeling creatures who insist on bringing up their children in what is little more than a large chest freezer.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“[from the television show,"Evade the Question Time"]
At the end of the first round, I will award three points to Mr. Kaine for an excellent nonspecific condemnation, plus one bonus point for blaming the previous government and another for successfully mutating the question to promote the party line. Mr. van de Poste gets a point for a firm rebuttal, but only two points for his condemnation, as he tried to inject an impartial and intelligent observation.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I am by turns a petulant adolescent and a mature man, a melancholy loner and a wit telling actors their trade. I cannot decide whether I'm a philosopher or a moping teenager, a poet or a murderer, a procrastinator or a man of action. I might be truly mad or sane pretending to be mad or even mad pretending to be sane.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If you even *need* a government, added Stig, "you are a life-form flawed beyond redemption.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“You killed my pappy," said the youth, "and my pappy's pappy. And his pappy's pappy. And my brothers Jethro, Hank, Hoss, Red, Peregrine, Marsh, Junior, Dizzy, Luke, Peregrine, George and all the others. I'm callin' you out, lawman.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Hamlet would worry about having nothing to worry about if he had nothing to worry about,”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If this were a novel, you'd have to start a new chapter as soon as I appeared.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“He shook his head, looked around carefully and then lowered his voice. “Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then—and this is the important bit—do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.” “Thanks,”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I have a mother,"replied Hamlet gloomily as he bowed politely and kissed my mother's hand."She shares my uncle's bed."
"They should buy another one, in that case," she replied, practical as ever. "They do a very good deal at IKEA, I'm told. ...”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Our position as the policing agency within fiction gave us licensed access to abstract technology. One blast from the eraserhead in Bradshaw’s rifle and the Minotaur would be reduced to the building blocks of his fictional existence: text and a bluish mist—all that is left when the bonds that link text to meaning are severed.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
Jasper Fforde
Born place: in London, England, The United Kingdom
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“What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”
― Stephen King, quote from The Waste Lands
“I continue to wonder,' he said, glancing down at Min, 'why you all assume that I am too dense to see what you find so obvious. Yes, Nynaeve. Yes, this hardness will destroy me. I know.' ...
You all claim that I have grown too hard, that I will inevitably shatter and break if I continue on. But you assume that there needs to be something left of me to continue on. ...
That's the key, Nynaeve. I see it now. I will not live through this, and so I don't need to worry about what might happen to me after the Last Battle. I don't need to hold back, don't need to salvage anything of this beaten up soul of mine.”
― Robert Jordan, quote from The Gathering Storm
“I would like to take this opportunity to reassure Muggle purchasers that the amusing creatures described hereafter are fictional and cannot hurt you.To wizards, I say merely: Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.”
― Newt Scamander, quote from Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
“Books bend space and time. One reason the owners of those aforesaid little rambling, poky secondhand bookshops always seem slightly unearthly is that many of them really are, having strayed into this world after taking a wrong turning in their own bookshops in worlds where it is considered commendable business practice to wear carpet slippers all the time and open your shop only when you feel like it.”
― Terry Pratchett, quote from Guards! Guards!
“Excuse me, please. You do not understand. You do not really understand who it was we talked with in the tent that night. He may have seemed an ordinary man to you – a handicapped one, at that. But this is not so. I fear Benedict. He is the Master of Arms for Amber. Can you conceive of a millennium? A thousand years? Several of them? Can you understand a man who, for almost every day of a lifetime like that, has spent some time dwelling with weapons, tactics, strategy? All that there is of military science thunders in his head. He has often journeyed from shadow to shadow, witnessing variation after variation on the same battle, with but slightly altered circumstances, in order to test his theories of warfare. He has commanded armies so vast that you could watch them march by day after day and see no end to the columns. Although he is inconvenienced by the loss of his arm, I would not wish to fight with him either with weapons or barehanded. It is fortunate that he has no designs upon the throne, or he would be occupying it right now. If he were, I believe that I would give up at this moment and pay him homage. I fear Benedict.”
― Roger Zelazny, quote from The Great Book of Amber
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