“If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to talk for a very long time without actually doing anything.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“History has rewritten itself so many times I'm not really sure how it was to begin with -- it's a bit like trying to guess the original color of a wall when it's been repainted eight times.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Sometimes I don't know whether I'm thening or nowing.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“To espresso or to latte, that is the question...whether 'tis tastier on the palate to choose white mocha over plain...or to take a cup to go. Or a mug to stay, or extra cream, or have nothing, and by opposing the endless choice, end one's heartache...”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time!”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If it's a chimera alert, we just follows the screams. ”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then — and this is the important bit — do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I suggest we depict penguins as callous and unfeeling creatures who insist on bringing up their children in what is little more than a large chest freezer.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“[from the television show,"Evade the Question Time"]
At the end of the first round, I will award three points to Mr. Kaine for an excellent nonspecific condemnation, plus one bonus point for blaming the previous government and another for successfully mutating the question to promote the party line. Mr. van de Poste gets a point for a firm rebuttal, but only two points for his condemnation, as he tried to inject an impartial and intelligent observation.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I am by turns a petulant adolescent and a mature man, a melancholy loner and a wit telling actors their trade. I cannot decide whether I'm a philosopher or a moping teenager, a poet or a murderer, a procrastinator or a man of action. I might be truly mad or sane pretending to be mad or even mad pretending to be sane.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If you even *need* a government, added Stig, "you are a life-form flawed beyond redemption.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“You killed my pappy," said the youth, "and my pappy's pappy. And his pappy's pappy. And my brothers Jethro, Hank, Hoss, Red, Peregrine, Marsh, Junior, Dizzy, Luke, Peregrine, George and all the others. I'm callin' you out, lawman.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Hamlet would worry about having nothing to worry about if he had nothing to worry about,”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If this were a novel, you'd have to start a new chapter as soon as I appeared.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“He shook his head, looked around carefully and then lowered his voice. “Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then—and this is the important bit—do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.” “Thanks,”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I have a mother,"replied Hamlet gloomily as he bowed politely and kissed my mother's hand."She shares my uncle's bed."
"They should buy another one, in that case," she replied, practical as ever. "They do a very good deal at IKEA, I'm told. ...”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Our position as the policing agency within fiction gave us licensed access to abstract technology. One blast from the eraserhead in Bradshaw’s rifle and the Minotaur would be reduced to the building blocks of his fictional existence: text and a bluish mist—all that is left when the bonds that link text to meaning are severed.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
Jasper Fforde
Born place: in London, England, The United Kingdom
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“A word of advice, though. This won't be the last time you have to deal with something in life that throws you off your game. In future courses, as well as in the real world--such as it is--professors and employers won't always be accommodating. We all have to--what's my daughter's terminology--suck it up and deal?”
― Tammara Webber, quote from Easy
“The trouble with anger is, it gets hold of you. And then you aren’t the master of yourself any-more.”
― Jeanne DuPrau, quote from The City of Ember
“It's never occurred to me that the stars are still up there shining even in the daytime when we can't see them.”
― Jandy Nelson, quote from I'll Give You the Sun
“Why do I constantly feel as if all of you are speaking a foreign language? What is ‘grabbing a burger at the Hard Rock’ supposed to mean? (Julian)
The Hard Rock Café is a restaurant. (Grace)
You eat at a place that advertises its food is hard as a rock? (Julian)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, quote from Fantasy Lover
“Adults, light-years away from this, rolled their eyes and smirked and said, "this too shall pass" - as if adolescence was a disease like chicken pox, something everyone recalled as a mild nuisance, completely forgetting how painful it had been at the time.”
― Jodi Picoult, quote from The Pact
Manhattan Transfer
The End of Alice
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