“If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to talk for a very long time without actually doing anything.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“History has rewritten itself so many times I'm not really sure how it was to begin with -- it's a bit like trying to guess the original color of a wall when it's been repainted eight times.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Sometimes I don't know whether I'm thening or nowing.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“To espresso or to latte, that is the question...whether 'tis tastier on the palate to choose white mocha over plain...or to take a cup to go. Or a mug to stay, or extra cream, or have nothing, and by opposing the endless choice, end one's heartache...”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time!”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If it's a chimera alert, we just follows the screams. ”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then — and this is the important bit — do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I suggest we depict penguins as callous and unfeeling creatures who insist on bringing up their children in what is little more than a large chest freezer.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“[from the television show,"Evade the Question Time"]
At the end of the first round, I will award three points to Mr. Kaine for an excellent nonspecific condemnation, plus one bonus point for blaming the previous government and another for successfully mutating the question to promote the party line. Mr. van de Poste gets a point for a firm rebuttal, but only two points for his condemnation, as he tried to inject an impartial and intelligent observation.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I am by turns a petulant adolescent and a mature man, a melancholy loner and a wit telling actors their trade. I cannot decide whether I'm a philosopher or a moping teenager, a poet or a murderer, a procrastinator or a man of action. I might be truly mad or sane pretending to be mad or even mad pretending to be sane.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If you even *need* a government, added Stig, "you are a life-form flawed beyond redemption.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“You killed my pappy," said the youth, "and my pappy's pappy. And his pappy's pappy. And my brothers Jethro, Hank, Hoss, Red, Peregrine, Marsh, Junior, Dizzy, Luke, Peregrine, George and all the others. I'm callin' you out, lawman.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Hamlet would worry about having nothing to worry about if he had nothing to worry about,”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“If this were a novel, you'd have to start a new chapter as soon as I appeared.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“He shook his head, looked around carefully and then lowered his voice. “Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then—and this is the important bit—do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.” “Thanks,”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“I have a mother,"replied Hamlet gloomily as he bowed politely and kissed my mother's hand."She shares my uncle's bed."
"They should buy another one, in that case," she replied, practical as ever. "They do a very good deal at IKEA, I'm told. ...”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
“Our position as the policing agency within fiction gave us licensed access to abstract technology. One blast from the eraserhead in Bradshaw’s rifle and the Minotaur would be reduced to the building blocks of his fictional existence: text and a bluish mist—all that is left when the bonds that link text to meaning are severed.”
― Jasper Fforde, quote from Something Rotten
Jasper Fforde
Born place: in London, England, The United Kingdom
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“Sa help us all, but I plan to give her free rein and let her be as unpleasant and bitchy as only she knows how.”
― Robin Hobb, quote from The Complete Liveship Traders Trilogy: Ship of Magic, The Mad Ship, Ship of Destiny
“Kid's little binges, his forays into intoxication were affecting everyone now. They were affecting their goals and dreams. They were affecting Natasha. She was probably drinking just to deal with him.”
― Melodie Ramone, quote from Burning Down Rome
“Limit yourself to wines with names you can’t pronounce that are made from grapes harvested during or before Full House season one.”
― quote from Nice is Just a Place in France: How to Win at Basically Everything
“I could have chosen to hide it all and retain your praise but it was still there rustling in my gut with or without your love.
To hate me for my truth means you loved me for my lies.”
― Juls Amor, quote from THE YEAR OF THE FROG
“You see, Eden, it’s not the water that changes. It’s what you make of the water that changes. It’s finding no offense in the water that keeps you safe, because there’s nothing to be kept safe from when you’re already safe. One step at a time. Walk.”
― Ted Dekker, quote from Water Walker
The Bones of You
City of Dark Magic
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Trust Me, I'm Lying
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