Welcome to the Monkey House

A sane person to an insane society must appear insane.

I wish you'd help me look into a more interesting problem - namely, my sanity.

The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.

I'm odd, I know,' he said. 'It's fear of myself that's made me odd.

I have been a writer since 1949. I am self-taught. I have no theories about writing that might help others. When I write, I simply become what I seemingly must become. I am six feet two and weigh nearly two hundred pounds and am badly coordinated, except when I swim. All that borrowed meat does the writing. In the water I am beautiful.

What in hell is a girl with hips like yours doing selling death?

And I realize now that the two main themes of my novels were stated by my siblings: 'Here I am, cleaning shit off of practically everything' and 'No pain.

Our aim is to make the world more beautiful than it was when we came into it. It can be done. You can do it--love yourself

He had the air of a spy in a melodrama, missing nothing, liking nothing, looking forward to the great day when everything would be turned upside down.

Or they'll talk about fear, which we used to call politics- job politics, social politics, government politics

The year was 2081, and everybody was finally equal.

I don't want to be a machine, and I don't want to think about war," EPICAC had written after Pat's and my lighthearted departure. "I want to be made out of protoplasm and last forever so Pat will love me. But fate has made me a machine. That is the only problem I cannot solve. That is the only problem I want to solve. I can't go on this way." I swallowed hard. "Good luck, my friend. Treat our Pat well. I am going to shortcircuit myself out of your lives forever. You will find on the remainder of this tape a modest wedding present from your friend, EPICAC.

I think that scientific persons of the future will scoff at scientific persons of the present. They will scoff because scientific persons of the present thought so many important things were superstitious.

Nobody ever went broke overestimating the vulgarity of the American people,

There are too many of us, and we are all too far apart,

John,” I said, “when you get older, you’re going to understand a lot of things you don’t understand now.” “You must mean nuclear physics,” he said. “I can hardly wait.

When machines start delivering themselves,” I said, “I guess that’s when the people better start really worrying.

I am committing suicide by cigarette,” I replied. She thought that was reasonably funny. I didn’t. I thought it was hideous that I should scorn life that much, sucking away on cancer sticks. My brand is Pall Mall. The authentic suicides ask for Pall Malls. The dilettantes ask for Pell Mells.

A woman's not a woman till the pills wear off.

I may not know what love is,” he said, “but, by God, at least I’ve never gotten drunk by myself.

nervously. “I have never dared to concentrate as hard as I can for fear of the damage I might do. I’m to the point where a mere whim is a blockbuster.

Fred Bockman is thirty and looks eighteen. Life has left no marks on him, because he hasn’t paid much attention to it.

I am committing suicide by cigarette,” I replied. She thought that was reasonably funny. I didn’t. I thought it was hideous that I should scorn life that much, sucking away on cancer sticks.

think that scientific persons of the future will scoff at scientific persons of the present. They will scoff because scientific persons of the present thought so many important things were superstitions.

That's a mistake,' he said. 'You miss an awful lot of life that way. That's why you Yankees are so cold,' he said. 'You think too much. That's why you marry so seldom.

I have never dared to concentrate as hard as I can for fear of the damage I might do. I’m to the point where a mere whim is a blockbuster.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.” —Thoreau

I never knew a writer’s wife who wasn’t beautiful.

Don't forget to wind the restricted clock and put the confidential cat out.

Doris said the only thing anybody can say in an amateur theatrical society when somebody cries. She said, “Why, no dear—you were marvelous.