The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents

If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.

A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost.

Listen, Peaches, trickery is what humans are all about," said the voice of Maurice. "They're so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them.

The trouble with thinking was that, once you started, you went on doing it.

The important thing about adventures, thought Mr. Bunnsy, was that they shouldn't be so long as to make you miss mealtimes.

Because some stories end, but old stories go on, and you gotta dance to the music if you want to stay ahead

People were people, even if they had four legs and had called themselves names like Dangerous Beans, which is the kind of name you gave yourself if you learned to read before you understood what all the words actually meant.

Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.

But there was more to it than that. As the Amazing Maurice said, it was just a story about people and rats. And the difficult part of it was deciding who the people were, and who were the rats.

And our lady friend, she thinks life works like a fairy tale.' Well, that’s harmless, isn’t it?' Yeah, but in fairy tales, when someone dies... it’s just a word.

The second mouse gets the cheese!

The thing about stories is you have to pick the ones that last.

What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterward and used it?

Here's what I suggest," he said. "You pretend that rats can think, and I'll promise to pretend that humans can think, too.

You can think and you can fight, but the world's always movin', and if you wanna stay ahead you gotta dance.

Can I ask a question, sir?" said Maurice, as Death turned to go. You May Not Get An Answer. "I suppose there isn't a Big Cat in the Sky, is there?" I'm Surprised At You, Maurice. Of Course There Are No Cat Gods. That Would Be Too Much Like...Work. Maurice nodded. One good thing about being a cat, apart from the extra lives, was that the theology was a lot simpler.

They hadn't read as many stories as Malicia, and were rather more attached to the experience of real life, which is that when someone small and righteous takes on someone big and nasty, he is grilled bread product, very quickly.

One day, when he was naughty, Mr. Bunnsy looked over the hedge into Farmer Fred’s field and saw it was full of fresh green lettuces. Mr. Bunnsy, however, was not full of lettuces. This did not seem fair.

Scuse me, ’scuse me,” said a voice from beside him. He looked down this time at a dirty, half-scorched cat, who grinned at him. “Did that cat just speak?” asked the mayor. Maurice looked around. “Which one?” he said. “You! Did you just talk?” “Would you feel better if I said no?” said Maurice.

He famously defended fairy stories against those who said they told children that there were monsters; children already know that there are monsters, he said, and fairy stories teach them that monsters can be killed. We now know that the monsters may not simply have scales and sleep under a mountain. They may be in our own heads.

To be a leader you have to learn to shout! But after you've learned to shout, you have to learn not to!

A good motto in life, he'd reckoned, was: don't eat anything that glows.

This is inhuman!” shrieked Rat-catcher 2. “No, it’s very human,” said Keith. “It’s extremely human. There isn’t a beast in the world that’d do it to another living thing, but your poisons do it to rats every day.

You saying killing a rat would be murder?" said Raufman. "Yes. Of course." "But it's just - " "Talk to the paw, mister, 'cos the whiskers don't want to know!

I thought we used to kill rats?" he said, as if he wasn't quite certain anymore. "Yes, but you see, sir, this is the future," said Maurice. "Is it?" said Mr. Schlummer. "Really? I always wondered when the future was going to happen. Oh, well. Cats talk now, too? Well done! Got to move with the, mm, the...things that move, obviously. Wake me up when they bring the tea in.

...there was a general murmuring, no real words, nothing that would get anyone into trouble if the piper turned nasty, but a muttering indicating, in a general sense, without wishing to cause umbrage, and seeing everyone's point of view, and taking one thing with another, and all things being equal, that people would like to see the boy given a chance, if it's all right with you, no offence meant.

Luckily I’m prepared for every eventuality,” said Malicia, and reached into her bag. There was a sound as of lumps of metal and bottles being moved around. “What have you got in there?” said Maurice. “Everything?” “The grapnel and rope ladder take up a lot of the room,” said Malicia, still feeling around. “And then there’s the big medicine kit, and the small medicine kit, and the knife, and the other knife, and the sewing kit, and the mirror for sending signals, and . . . these.

You will have worked out that there is a race in this world that steals and kills and spreads disease and despoils what it cannot use, said the voice of Spider.

Please, young sir! Have mercy! If not for me, please think of my dear wife and my four lovely children who'll be without their daddy!" "You're not married," said Malicia. "You don't have any children!" "I might want some one day!