“Arcadia,” Lon’s voice said from my phone. “Who is this?” I teased.
“You can’t take my son on a date.” “I didn’t ask him. He asked me.” “He stole my cell and called without permission.” “Sounds like a personal problem to me.” A low growling noise came out of the phone.”
“I stumbled through the dark underbrush again crying out as I plunged through a thick spiderweb. My arms frantically brushed away the clinging web as irrational fear made me batshit-crazy for a moment. Scared of a damn spider when a bloodthirsty demon was chasing me down. Ridiculous.”
“Turn left in two hundred feet ” the computerized voice said in a cheery voice. “There is no turn in two hundred feet you bitch ” I yelled toward the screen. “Zoom out.” Nothing happened. “ZOOM. OUT ” I said again louder before the screen responded to the voice-activated command.”
“He gathered me closer, kissed my neck, then spoke in a low voice next to my ear. “I figure, see, if you find yourself getting more attached to the two of us than you planned, maybe you won’t think about picking up and leaving to start another life somewhere else.”
“Oh! Do you have a pocketknife?"
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Pocketknife?"
"Don't men your age always have pocketknives?" I asked in a high-pitched voice.
"My age? I'm not a fucking grandfather," he snapped.”
“It wasn’t the first time I’d run across sex spells: they
were just as common as electricity-kindled spells. They just
aren’t convenient for your average on-the-go magical
needs.
“Do all the memory spells require that?” I asked.
“I don’t think so. I just noticed it on the last couple of
retrieval ones.”
“Uh, maybe I could just get myself, you know, privately
…?” I suggested. I regretted it immediately, and felt my face
flush with warmth. What the hell was I going to do? Ask Lon
if he had any porn I could borrow and hole up in his library’s
washroom?”
“Maybe it involved a woman. Oh, maybe even a nun—ooh! Wouldn’t that be scandalous?” “Indeed, but no.”
“You trusted me.'
'You drugged me!'
He grinned. 'Yeah, I did.”
“So..."he whispered huskily in my ear, "we've discovered that you can arouse me." He demonstrated this fact by pressing harder against me, just in case I'd forgotten. "However, we don't know about you. And there is the small matter of Heka.”
“There isn't any such thing as an ordinary life. (92)”
“No man can see himself unless he borrows the eyes of a friend”
“He was shivering like a Wicklow sheepdog in a snowy yard, though the weather was officially 'clement'.
The first layer of clothing was his jacket, the second his shirt, the third his long-johns, the fourth his share of lice, the fifth his share of fear.”
“You took a good whack to the thigh,” he pointed out while she filled a couple of frosted mugs with water.
She twisted around so she could see the bruises. “Yeah. It’s a little tender to the touch but nothing major.”
“You should let me check the rest of you over.” She gave him a cold glass of water and an arched eyebrow.
“For bruises, I mean, though you do look sexy as hell with a dirty face, wearing nothing but a T-shirt.”
Putting a hand on her hip, which drew the hem of her T-shirt up a tantalizing half-inch, she scowled at him. “When I made you my fake fiancé, I had no idea you had this weird dirty-face fetish.”
“I didn’t have it before I became your fake fiancé.” He took a long drink of water. “And it’s not a fetish. I told you, it turns me on that you work hard and you play hard. The dirt’s just a visual representation of that, I guess.”
“That’s very deep of you.”
“Plus, it means you’ll be showering soon and I like you all soaped up and slippery, too.”
A slow flush burned up her neck. “Dirty. Clean. Doesn’t matter to you, does it?”
He was going to tell her no, it didn’t matter—that he’d take her any way he could get her—but he kept his mouth shut. It was true, of course, but nothing good would come of her knowing that. She didn’t need to know that sometimes when they were curled up on the couch watching television or arguing about white versus wheat bread at the store, he would sometimes forget they were pretending to be a couple.
And she really didn’t need to know it sometimes bummed him out when he remembered.”
“There are not too many fables about man's misuse of sunflower seeds.”
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