“I learned a long time ago not to judge people by what they look like, sound like, or by the clothes they wear. Just because a house is nice and shiny out front doesn’t mean it’s not rotting on the inside. (Kyrian)”
“Far be it from me to ever let my common sense get in the way of my stupidity. I say we press on.”
“I don’t intimidate you at all, do I? (Acheron)
Well, when you chased me through Kyrian’s house, I did wet my pants a bit. Guess I’m not housebroken after all. My mom will be so disappointed after all she went through to potty train me. But once you let me live…your big mistake…now I know you think I’m too cute and fluffy to kill. (Nick)”
“How can this be your car? (Nick)
Well, I wrote a really big check that didn’t bounce to the dealer and then the most amazing thing happened…the salesman gave me the keys and let me take it home. It was like magic. (Acheron)”
“Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)”
“That which doesn’t kill us just requires a few centuries of therapy. (Caleb)
Yeah, and usually a lot of Tylenol. (Nick)”
“You need to up your vocabulary, boy. You can’t walk around letting people think you’re stupid. Expand your horizons. Besides, it’s fun to call people names they have to look up to realize they’ve been insulted. (Mark)
Yeah, that’s a twofer there. You get away with it and then they’re twice as mad when they realize how bad you really insulted them. Especially if they mistake it for a compliment when you say it and thank you for it. (Bubba)”
“I got a shotgun and a backhoe and no one looks under a septic tank for a dead body. (Bubba)”
“Hey!" Caleb snapped as he realized Nick was about to lock him on the outside with their attackers. He pushed the door open and glared at him. "No man left behind."
Nick scoffed. "This aint' the army, boy. It's every man for himself. Fall behind. Get eaten”
“What made you immortal? (Nick)
Really good DNA. (Acheron)”
“Not half as much as I’d miss me if you killed me. (He blinked like a girl and leaned against Ash’s shoulder.) Please don’t hurt me, Ash. Please. I don’t want to die while I’m still a virgin. At least let me get laid before you kill me – which according to my mom I can’t do until I’m married and I can’t do that until I finish college. So you have to wait a good ten years before you snuff me. Deal? (Nick)”
“Is he a good boy? (Cherise)
No, Mom, he’s Satan incarnate. In fact, once it’s over, we’re going to get liquored up and tattooed, then find some cheap hos and have a good time with his trust fund. (Nick)”
“It’s four o’clock, guys. I’m going up to watch Oprah. Unless the shop catches fire or we’re under massive zombie invasion, I don’t exist for the next hour. On second thought, don’t bother me if it’s zombies – I’ll deal with them later. Today’s a special episode on how to make peace with people who piss you off. And I definitely need to find my Zen. (Bubba)
Your Zen’s shooting stuff, Bubba. Embrace your inner violence. (Mark)
Fine, then. My inner violence says I’ll cut your throat if you bother me until Oprah ends, so sod off. (Bubba)”
“Yes, he’s a good boy. Never been in trouble at school and he’s on the honor roll. Captain of the football team. All-around psycho serial killer who hides bodies in the fridge whenever his parents go out of town. (Nick)
I also eat babies for breakfast and torture small animals for fun. My therapist says I’m making real progress though. (Caleb)”
“It would have really cramped my future plans had I died. (Nick)”
“Intentions don't matter. It's the end result we're all judged by. Evil in the name of good is still evil. And when you dance with the devil, you seldom get to pick the tune.”
“You’re really not right, are you?
Yeah, I know. It was all the paint chips I ate as a kid. They were good, but chromosomally damaging. (Nick)”
“To infinity then. (Bubba)
What’s that mean? (Nick)
It’s something my dad used to say when I was a kid. To infinity, meaning you’d see something through to the end. (Bubba)
Infinity is never-ending. (Nick)
That’s right, which means you keep going and going no matter what happens or what obstacles you meet. Over, under, around or through. There’s always a way. And if you have to chase something to infinity, strap on your big-boy pants, hiking boots, and go. (Bubba)”
“Where am I? (Nick)
Hospital. (Kyrian)
Really? No kidding? And here I thought I was at McDonald’s. (Nick)”
“We’ve got to get these guys to Bubba’s. Anyone got a clue how to do it? (Nick)
They gotta be breathing? (Simi)
Yes. (Nick and Caleb)
Well, pooh. That just takes all the fun out of it. (Simi)”
“I wonder why no one called the police about the rocket launcher? God knows my neighbors usually report it if I so much as fart in my backyard. (Bubba)”
“Hop in? Dude, are you out of your ever-loving mind? I can’t touch this. I might leave a fingerprint or something. (Nick)
Oh the horror. Guess I’ll have to trade the piece of junk in and get a new one if that happens. (Acheron)”
“I am a socially awkward mandork. (Nick)”
“What? (Nick)
You one of them humans can’t follow Simi speak. That’s okay. This is why the Simi don’t bother talking to most humans ‘cause, no offense, you all weird. Some of you even stupid. Real stupid. Like stump stupid. It’s the lack of hornays, I say. See, only really smart creatures have hornays…except for them moo moo cows – they not bright. But akri says there’s always an exception to every rule. So they would be the exception to the hornay one. But they taste really good so the Simi will forgive them for bringing down her bell curve of superior intellect over all the other nonhorned subspecies. (Simi”
“What planet are you from? Obviously Planet Insanity was missing a local, long-term resident.' (Nick)”
“I tend to watch silently from the shadows. You learn a lot more that way.”
“What are you? (Nick)
Completely perplexed. You remember everything that happened. (Acheron)
Yeah. Duh. Not like you’re going to forget the killer zombie stalkers and psyched-out kitchen staff. What kind of freak show is this? (Nick)”
“I was keeping Bubba from committing a felony. No offense, but ‘he’s a zombie, Your Honor, don’t electrocute me’ isn’t a viable excuse. Believe me, I know. My dad’s doing three life sentences ‘cause he killed, and I quote, ‘a crap load of demons who were trying to kill me and if I hadn’t killed them, Your Honor, they’d have taken over the city and enslaved all you petty, pathetic humans.’ They wouldn’t even let my dad plead insanity because of it. So trust me, ‘zombies needed killing’ isn’t a legit defense. (Nick)”
“Why you sleeping on the ground out here, Mr. Boy Human? The Simi don’t think this is a safe thing to do. Someone might think you dead and steal something or they could kill you. Maybe not if they think you dead already, but then again, people do weird things all the time – like killing dead people even though they’re dead. Is that overkill or is that just dumb? Never mind. So you should probably get up soon and not sleep here. Did you lose your bed? Or are you one of them special people who don’t have a bed but sleep outside? Some of them can be real nice. Some even offer the Simi drinks, but akri says I can’t have any ‘cause it’ll give me indigestion. Not like rubber does, but worse. So says akri. (Simi)”
“What are you talking about? Are you for real? (Nick)
What do you mean? The Simi’s not turning invisible again, is she? Ooo, that would be bad. I promised akri I wouldn’t do that no more in public places. But sometimes the Simi can’t help it. Kind of like putting barbecue sauce on salads. It’s just mandatory and reflexive ‘cause you gots to kill the taste of the ick rabbit food. (Simi)”
“Everything has changed. I cannot be used anymore. Those days are over. I know too much. What I do now, I do for me.”
“I had nowhere to look but into his beautifil freen eyes. "I make a halfway decent friend if you give me the chance." (...) Kota was on his back, his elbow against his forehead. His mouth was open and he was breathing slowly. With his glasses off, he looked completely adorable. I stayed awake as long as I could to watch him.”
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of heights,” she said, shimmying along the edge.
“Not heights,” he murmured. “Just falling.”
“You're too young to decide to live forever.”
“I beg you to understand and accept that no matter what name, I am what I am.”
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