“I love you above all things, even pie.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“We've been rehearsing a classic from antiquity, Green Eggs and Hamlet, the story of a young prince of Denmark who goes mad, drowns his girlfriend, and in his remorse, forces spoiled breakfast on all whom he meets.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“What is your name?" asked Lear.
Caius," said Kent.
And whence do you hail?"
From Bonking, sire."
Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the f*ck? Love?”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer. . .a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair..”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Will there be heinous fuckery, Pocket?”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Cofishes-other fish in a group, coworkers, cohorts, etc. Shut up, it's a word.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Like looking down on a lubricious chess set, isn't it? The king moves in tiny steps, with no direction, like a drunkard trying to avoid the archer's bolt. The others work their strategies and wait for the old man to fall. He has no power, yet all power moves in his orbit and to his mad whim. Do you know there's no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent?" "Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Ydych chi'n cymryd cerdynnau credid?" said the highwayman, no doubt trying to frighten me further, his consonants chained like anal beads strung out of hell's own bunghole.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“WARNING
This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank. If that sort of thing bothers you, then gentle reader pass by, for we endeavor only to entertain, not to offend. That said, if that’s the sort of thing you think you might enjoy, then you have happened upon the perfect story!”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“I fink I gots deaf on me willie.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“I'm beginning to wonder," said Kent, sitting down now on an overturned wooden tub. "Who do I serve? Why am I here?"
You are here, because, in the expanding ethical ambiguity of our situation, you are steadfast in your righteousness. It is to you, our banished friend, that we all turn—a light amid the dark dealings of family and politics. You are the moral backbone on which the rest of us hang our bloody bits. Without you we are merely wiggly masses of desire writhing in our own devious bile."
Really?" asked the old knight.
Aye," said I.
I'm not sure I want to keep company with you lot, then.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Moi?", said I, in perfect fucking French.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“He always had a problem with the purity of others. Never his own.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“A hundred brilliant witticisms died suffocating on the captain's heavy glove. Thus muted, I pumped my codpiece at the duke and tried to force a fart, but my bum tumpet could find no note.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Next out of the hall came the sisters and their husbands. Before I could say anything, the captain had clamped his hand over my mouth and was lifting me off my feet as I kicked. Cornwall made as to draw his dagger, but Regan pulled him away. "You've just won a kingdom, my duke, killing vermin is a servant's task. Leave the bitter fool stew in his own bile."
She wanted me. It was clear.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Advice, then, young yeoman: When referring to the king's middle daughter, state that she is fair, speculate that she is pious, but unless you'd like to spend your watch looking for the box where your head is kept, resist the urge to wax ignorant on her naughty bits." -Pocket
I don't know what that means, sir." -Yeoman
Speak not of Regan's shaggacity, son" [...] -Pocket”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“She can be a whirlwind of tits and terror when she puts her mind to a purpose, can't she, sir?”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“I'll not have an exchange with an impudent fool." [Oswald]
He's not impudent," said Jones [the puppet]. "With proper inspiration, the lad sports a woody as stout as a mooring pin. Ask your lady."
I nodded in agreement with the puppet, for he is most wise for having a brain of sawdust.
Impudent! Impudent! Not impotent!" said Oswald, frothing a bit now.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Soon a whole guild of low-priced shrine keepers around Europe named their own pope - Boldface the Relatively Shameless, Discount Pope of Prague. The price war was on [...] The Retail Pope would offer cheesy bacon toppings on the Host with communion and the Discount Pope would counter with topless nun night for midnight mass.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
“Perhaps there is a reason that there is no fool piece on the chessboard. What action, a fool? What strategy, a fool? What use, a fool? Ah, but a fool resides in a deck of cards, a joker, sometimes two. Of no worth, of course. No real purpose. The appearance of a trump, but none of the power: Simply an instrument of chance. Only a dealer may give value to the joker.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Fool
Christopher Moore
Born place: in Toledo, Ohio, The United States
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“If we do, I want to be the bad cop.” “You’re a lousy bad cop, Feeney. Face it.” He gave her a mournful look. “I outrank you, Dallas.” “I’m primary, and I’m better at bad cop. Live with it.” “I always have to be the good cop,” he muttered as they stepped into a well-lighted hallway with more marble, more gilt.”
― J.D. Robb, quote from Immortal in Death
“The problem is normal was'nt in my DNA. I was destined to be forever freakish.”
― Julie Hockley, quote from Crow's Row
“Lucian attempted a wan smile, although he did not open his eyes. “You are the miracle my brother has named you in his thoughts.”
“Has he named me a miracle?” Even her voice was soothing and tranquil to Gabriel’s ears. He wanted to touch her, bask forever in her beauty, in her serenity. After the chaos of a bleak, gray world filled with violence, she was a miracle.
“Yes, and for once, he was right.” There was an edge of weariness to the beautiful pitch of Lucian’s voice and it alarmed Gabriel. He had never heard his invincible twin sound so utterly drained of strength.
“I am right at all times,” Gabriel corrected, moving at once to his brother’s side. “It is a peculiar phenomenon Lucian finds difficult to live with, but all the same . . .”
Lucian opened his eyes to regard his brother with an icy stare clearly meant to intimidate. “Francesca, my dear sister, you have tied yourself to one who has a much inflated opinion of himself. I do not remember a time when he was right about anything.”
Gabriel moved to the couch, seating himself beside his brother. “Do not listen to him, my love, he practices his intimidating stare in the mirror on a daily basis. He thinks to silence me with his glare.”
― Christine Feehan, quote from Dark Legend
“I can’t have it either. It affects the babies in utero.”
“Nonsense,” he said, tossing his long auburn hair over one shoulder. Life would be easier if he wasn’t so damned good-looking. “Why, my mother drank wine every day, and I turned out just fine.”
“I think you’re proving my point for me,” I said dryly”
― Richelle Mead, quote from Shadow Heir
“Each time I saw you, I felt like . . . I felt like I knew you a little bit better. I never talked to you but seeing you always smiling or laughing . . . or being peaceful . . .” He shook his head, and my heart spasmed. “There’s something about that . . . it drew me in, Calla. Fuck. I fell for you before you even knew my name.”
― J. Lynn, quote from Stay with Me
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