Cinderella Screwed Me Over

A pair of great heels was much more satisfying than a man. They lasted longer, and better yet, they didn’t leave me for someone prettier.

I looked back at my relationships and noticed my dating life had been more like Con Air than Cinderella-you know, bumpy and full of bad guys.

The toddler started making this whine/moan noise while pawing at Tabitha. I know as a woman I'm supposed to have this innate love of babies, but the truth is, they kind of remind me of zombies. They stumble around, arms out, moaning. And if they get a hold of you, they suck the energy out of you.

It was on my twenty-sixth birthday that it finally hit me: Love was bullshit. There was no happily ever after.

We're not puzzle pieces, Steph. There's 'no you complete me' guy out there, and the beauty of this day and age is I don't need one.

I could feel the threads forming, from my heart to his. Threads that would become strings, until I was all wrapped up in him and couldn't separate myself from him without feeling like half a person.

I have to admit," I said when he finished a lengthy discussion on the types of drivers, "I've been golfing and it's about the most boring thing I've ever done. Old men drive around in golf carts pretending they're sporty and getting grouchy if there's any noise. It's like the nursing-home Olympics." Nick's mouth dropped open. "It takes great athletic ability to know how to aim and drive the ball that far." "I get more exercise shopping at the mall," I joked. "I don't come home and tell everyone I won at shopping." Although those red shoes I got on sale the other day felt like a win.

There was something about the smallest gestures with him that made me feel like a teenager again. I told myself to just enjoy it.

Every now and then, we change our minds. It's our prerogative. The big secret is" - I leaned in conspiratorially - "sometimes, even we don't know why. There are times after we pick a fight where we're as confused as you are. But there's no way we're admitting it." I shrugged a shoulder, "That's why we have boobs." Jake's eyebrows shot up. "See, after we've acted crazy, and the guy's wondering what he's doing with us, we use them to mesmerize him, so he forgets that we're crazy." I shot Jake my most seductive smile and leaned the assets in question against his arm. "And by the way, if you look at my cleavage right now, even though I'm the one talking about it, I'll accuse you of not caring about what I saw and of just treating me like an object." Jake swallowed hard, keeping eye contact with me, though I could tell he was fighting his impulse to look down. A mischievous glint flickered through his eyes. "And treating you like an object would be bad?

There's this party tomorrow night. The client with all the ex-husbands is throwing it, and I've got to go. I know it's last minute, and that Fridays are really busy for you. I'm also sure it's going to be boring. Anyway, if you can't go, I completely understand. But if you don't come with me, I'll be forced to meet rich, eligible bachelors who may or may not have all their original teeth and hair." I bit my nail as I waited for his answer, trying to prepare myself for the possibility he couldn't go. "You're not really giving me much of a choice," Jake said. "Not when I know you've got a weakness for bald men with dentures.

Cinderella was the first fairy tale I remember - the one I was most obsessed with because of the gowns and magic and pretty shoes. Yes, her home life was less than ideal - and considering the talking mice and birds, she probably needed serious therapy.

So you like to read? Or listen, anyway?" "I've found it helps me stay on the treadmill longer. But I always like to have a paperback on hand, too. I need to swing by the bookstore for another one, actually.

I put my hand on his arm. "You know, Drew was exaggerating. I'm a nice person. Most of the time." Jake raised an eyebrow, the hint of a smile on his lips. "So, you didn't really slap a guy in the middle of someone's wedding?" I bit my lip. "Technically, I was at the reception, and I know it sounds bad out of context, but I swear he deserved it." Jake looked down at me and I noticed again how blue his eyes were. My gaze moved to his lips. Mayday, mayday, mayday.

Jake buried his face in my neck and kissed a burning trail up it and along my jaw. "Should I ride the elevator of our building up and down all night, hoping you'll show?" he asked, his voice husky. "Or should we just plan to meet?

You don't even know me," I said. "And whose fault is that?" "Cinderella's" Two creases formed between Jake's eyebrows. "Cinderella's?" "Yeah, Cinderella screwed me over." Without any more explanation, I got into my car, pulled the door closed, and fired up the engine.

Oh, I'm just checking out books." I glanced at the one I was holding. Somehow, of all the places I could duck into, I'd wound up in the erotica section. In my hands was a book about bondage. Somebody kill me now.

He put his hand on my thigh. "No worries, I got you now babe.

I remember when all you ever talked about was finding a guy and getting married. You'd hog the TV, watching those sappy chick flicks --" "Then I grew up and learned why they always end the movie after the guy and girl get together. That's when everything falls apart.