Marie-Helene Bertino · 272 pages
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“We carry our ancestors in our names and sometimes we carry our ancestors through the sliding doors of emergency rooms and either way they are heavy, man, either way we can't escape.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“You can’t say you know a city unless you know three ways to everywhere.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Good morning, the city says. Fuck you.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“That’s a drummer’s love story. If you want a prettier one, you’ll be waiting forever. If you could separate your body into four distinct rhythms, you’d be cracked too”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“If you are anything other than humbled in the presence of love, you are not in the presence of love.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“In the jaundiced light of a streetlamp, Sarina realizes why people have children: to see the face of the one they love at the ages they’ve missed...”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“What am I supposed to do," she says. "Wait?" She wants him to say, Yes, wait. I will be home as soon as I run this one errand. Ben perceives disgust in her tone. Why would anyone wait for him? A boy who didn't know how to be a prom date, a man who knows what he needs, but too late.
He releases her arm. His voice is professional with sorrow. "You certainly couldn't do that." He means because she is precious. Sarina hears that she is snotty and unkind. He means because he is not that lucky; she hears: he is bored.
No one says "I want you to wait," and no one says "I'll wait.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“If there were a race among all artists to the human heart, my money would be on music to win. It knows a shortcut.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“I'm a minor character in my own life.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Saying good-bye to Ben is Sarina's least favorite activity. So sad the number of times she's had to do it. Ball games, recitals, the homes of friends, rented shore houses, through car windows after dropping off some forgotten camera to Annie. Goodbye. See you later. Nice seeing you. She has mastered it: A dismissive peck on the cheek. A hug like an afterthought. Telling herself, Do not watch him walk away. Watching him walk away. Watching him drive away. Watching him descend the stairs to the subway. How many times have they said goodbye to each other? Already tonight, twice.
He interrupts her before she can get the second goodbye out.
"How would you feel," he says, "about missing your train?"
Once at the beach, Sarina watched a crane bathing in a gully at dusk. It used its wings to funnel the water over its back, then shook out the excess in a firework of droplets. After several minutes it took off, arcing out over the fretless sea. That felt like this.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“But Madeline loves her father and how can you be scared of someone you love?”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Her father is fastened to his room, with his records and his drugs and his quiet. She crawls under her covers. It is her fault for triggering one of his spells. Normally she can tightrope through his moods. At least it had been brief. Most girls do not have to deal with a father like hers. They would be afraid of the way she lives, lawless in a roachy apartment. They would be scared of his fits. Madeleine would be scared too, she thinks, falling asleep. If she had only experienced finished basements and dads who acted like dads. But Madeleine loves her father, and how can you be scared of someone you love?”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Gus doesn’t belong in this world. He was born with a Hollywood chin, a butter touch, and an ear that can hear rhythms tapped out from Neptune. In another life he would have been drumming in Johnny Carson’s band, drinking water out of a mug. But in this one he has a disease and he can’t say no to shysters like Charlie, who uses his wife and kid to cheat on Gus’s lousy, glowing heart.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“It is dark, dark seven A.M. on Christmas Eve Eve.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Madeleine stares through the window into the courtyard. On most days she feels something staring back: a God or a mother-shaped benevolent force. Today, nothing reciprocates. The streamers on the chained bicycles lift in the indifferent breeze. She is alone in old stockings she's repaired twice but still run. Life will be nothing but errands and gray nights.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“She is officiating the marriage of two bottles of ketchup; overturning one and balancing it on the mouth of the other so it can empty its shit. The”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“The way that woman walked, like she was paying the sidewalk a favor.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Madeleine has never had a caramel apple and she wants to taste one more than she wants God's love.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“The trash bags are gone, the bar wiped clean. The lights have been hung; they line the stage and loop around the Snakehead, making the old axe glow. Stalled in the doorway, Lorca experiences a stomachache he can only call Christmas.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“The heavy thud of the front door closing. He leaves the phone on the desk. The hallway is dark and long and empty. "Louisa?" His voice echoes against the walls as if he is asking himself her name.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Music fills the space between them. Mark wants to take the pill that keeps him awake, but not in front of his daughter. Instead, he flirts. "There's a lot of trouble with a brown-eyed handsome man. In your travels have you found this to be true?"
This is Madeleine's favorite game. His role is to ask silly questions and hers is to answer as if he is serious, neither one acknowledging the other conversation that goes on wordlessly around them, in which some other, better version of themselves say: Isn't it nice to be father and daughter?”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“The purpose of these children seems to be to congratulate the Pennypacks and to offer them a stray glove or scarf if one of the Pennypacks forgets theirs. These children are for parts. If she were interested in minions Madeleine would be a bully, but she doesn't like weak people hanging around.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Thinking about him requires so little effort that she can do it while performing mindless activities. Soaping the dishes, replaiting Clare Kelley's hair, drying the dishes. The part of her brain that plays his ongoing reel is unconnected to the neurons and synapses that control things like conscious thought and logic. Ben turning to her at a party. Ben turning to her. Ben turning. What human being deserves to be the nucleus of such high esteem? Certainly not Benjamin, middle name Hal, last name Allen. Five-nine in boots. Who has a car that doesn't start on cold mornings, an unfinished screenplay, a law degree he doesn't use, a romantic's tendency to save movie stubs, and a mannered, unsmiling wife.”
― Marie-Helene Bertino, quote from 2 A.M. at The Cat's Pajamas
“Heaven’s Door"
I’d search the world for Heaven’s Door,
Over mountains and valleys, each sandy shore.
I’d find the stairway, soaring through clouds,
I'd climb each step, without making a sound.
I’d arrive at the door of glimmering gold,
I’d slip through unnoticed, not stirring a soul.
I’d gasp at its beauty, at its rivers and trees,
I’d stray from the paths, I’d hide among leaves.
I’d tiptoe unseen, under sun and sky blue,
I’d search every corner until I found you.
I’d capture a tear, catch a glimpse of your hair,
As you danced and you twirled, without any care.
You’d smile and you’d laugh, like a bird you’d be free,
I’d try not to cry, you’re there without me.
I’d stay my hand from touching your face,
From calling your name, to feel your embrace.
You’d open your mouth and your voice would be pure,
I’d treasure the sound, no more pain you’d endure.
I’d stay ‘til the sunset, when I’d have to leave,
A pain in my heart, my spirit in grief.
I’d blow you a kiss, let it drift to the sky,
I’d whisper ‘I love you’ and bid you goodbye.
I'd pass through the door, I’d descend out of view,
Knowing that one day, some day, I’d again be with you.
- Elsie”
― Tillie Cole, quote from Sweet Soul
“While there was still water in the middle of the pools, animals attempted to reach it through the silt but would get bogged. We spent day after day checking dams, finding about eight to ten animals hopelessly mired in the silt at each and every dam, primarily kangaroos and wallabies.
We had to get to the dams early in the morning. Some of the kangaroos had been struggling all night. Steve engineered planks and straps to rescue the animals. The silt would suck us down just as fast, so we had to be careful going out to rescue the roos. Because of the lactic acid buildup in their tissues (a product of their all-night exertions to free themselves), some of the kangaroos were too far gone and couldn’t recover. But we saved quite a few.
At one point, Bob came out to lend a hand. I was at the homestead, and the ovulation strip turned bright blue. I hustled over to the creek bed where Steve and his dad were working.
I motioned to Steve. “The strip is blue,” I said. He looked around nervously.
“I’m out here working with me dad,” he said. “What do you want me to do?”
“Just come on,” I whispered impatiently.
“But my dad’s right here!”
I smiled and took his hand. We headed up the dry creek bed and spent some quality time with the biting ants and the prickles.
It was after this trip to our conservation property in the Brigalow Belt that I discovered I was pregnant. I tried to let Steve know by sitting down at the table and tucking into a bowl of ice cream and pickles.
“What are you doing?” asked a totally confused Steve. I explained, and we were both totally overjoyed, keeping our fingers crossed for a boy to go along with our darling daughter.”
― Terri Irwin, quote from Steve & Me
“I'm tired of people using their cars as biographical information centers, informing the world of their sad-sack lives and boring interests. Keep that shit to yourself. I don't want to know what college you went to, who you intend to vote for or what your plan is for world peace. I don't care if you visited the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore or the birthplace of Wink Martindale. And I'm not interested in what radio station you listen to or what bands you like. In fact, I'm not interested in you in any way, except to see you in my rearview mirror.
Furthermore, I can do without your profession of faith in God, Allah, Jehova, Yahweh, Peter Cottonail or whoever the fuck it is you've turned your life over to; please keep your superstitions private. I can't tell how happy it would make me to someday drive up to a flaming auto wreck and see smoke curling up around one of those little fish symbols with Jesus written inside it. And as far as I'm concerned you can include the Darwin/fish-with-feet-evolution symbol too. Far too cute for my taste.
So keep the personal and autobiographical messages to yourself. Here's an idea: maybe you could paste them up inside your car, where you can see them and I can't.”
― George Carlin, quote from When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
“Dark had meant Dora, had meant words and events sordid with self. Struggling to the light from Dora's darkness, Caro had acquired conscience and equilibrium like a profound, laborious education. Exercise of principle would always require more from her than from persons nurtured in it, for she had learned it by application of will. Caro would never do the right thing without knowing it, as some could.”
― Shirley Hazzard, quote from The Transit of Venus
“Nothing is more fatal to happiness than the remembrance of happiness.”
― André Gide, quote from The Immoralist
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