115 pages
Rating: (2.3K votes)
“N.B. – Do not on any account attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.”
“The Scots (originally Irish, but by now Scotch) were at this time inhabiting Ireland, having driven the Irish (Picts) out of Scotland; while the Picts (originally Scots) were now Irish (living in brackets) and vice versa. It is essential to keep these distinctions clearly in mind (and verce visa).”
“Gladstone .. spent his declining years trying to guess the answer to the Irish Question; unfortunately, whenever he was getting warm, the Irish secretly changed the Question, ...”
“With the ascension of Charles I to the throne we come at last to the Central Period of English History (not to be confused with the Middle Ages, of course), consisting in the utterly memorable Struggle between the Cavaliers (Wrong but Wromantic) and the Roundheads (Right but Repulsive).”
“Memorable among the Saxon warriors were Hengist and his wife (? or horse), Horsa. Hengist made himself King in the South. Thus Hengist was the first English King and his wife (or horse), Horsa, the first English Queen (or horse).”
“One day when George III was insane he heard that the Americans never had afternoon tea. This mace him very obstinate and he invited them all to a compulsory tea-party at Boston: the Americans, however, started pouring the tea into Boston harbour and went on pouring things into Boston harbour until they were quite Independent, thus causing the United States.”
“While the Roman Empire was overrun by waves not only of Ostrogoths, Vizigoths and even Goths, but also of Vandals (who destroyed works of art) and Huns (who destroyed everything and everybody, including Goths, Ostrogoths, Vizigoths and even Vandals), Britain was attacked by waves of Picts (and, of course, Scots) who had recently learnt how to climb the wall, and of Angles, Saxons and Jutes who, landing at Thanet, soon overran the country with fire (and, of course, the sword).”
“It was at this time that some very pious Englishmen, known as the Early Fathers, who were being persecuted for not learning Avoirduroi, sailed away to America in a ship called the Mayfly; this is generally referred to as the Pilgrims' Progress and was one of rhe chief causes of America.”
“But I did feel the vertigo of death’s invitation, beckoning me towards the dark waters below. Only a newfound perspective and desire steadied my wavering soul. I came to realize, just in time, that suicide was far too easy – and obscenely cowardly – after someone I knew, not even half my age, had been through so much worse and still marched gloriously on.”
“What good is a book no-one can read, save for the paper?" He was lucky I'd had to let him live. If my glare could have started a fire, he'd have been charred.”
“the 5 basic food groups: fat, salt, sugar, alcohol, tobacco):”
“I damn well know a good thing when I see it and babe all I’ve ever been able to fuckin’ see is you. Not many chances a man has in his lifetime to do right, to earn the love of a good woman, and to get a taste of true freedom. And babe, for me, you’re all fuckin’ three. Have been for a good while now.”
“Viena, kas gera šioje aplinkoje, - kad visiškai išnyksta mirties baimė. Mirtis čionai gresia kiekviename žingsnyje. Čionai taip žmogus apsipranta su mirties perspektyva, kad ji darosi šiokiadienė šiukšlė. Mirtis nustoja savo kilnaus tragizmo elemento. Ji nustoja čionai ir savo lyrizmo.”
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