Christopher Moore · 256 pages
Rating: (37.3K votes)
“If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“Slowly and gently, Augustus Brine explained to the king of the Djinn about the illusion created by motion pictures. When he finished, he felt like he had just raped the tooth fairy in front of a class of kindergartners.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“One day the good times had to keep on rolling, and all of life's horseshit would turn to circuses.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“Rachel could not believe what she was hearing. Accepting that her magic worked was a huge step, yet she was speaking to the evidence. But to be offered the power to rule the world? She wasn't sure her career in exercise instruction had prepared her for this.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“In business, as in politics, the public is ever so tolerant of those who slime.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“In Breeze’s business one got used to running across the skeletons in people’s closets. If Billy’s skeleton wore women’s underwear, it didn’t really matter. Homosexuality on Billy Winston was like acne on a leper.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“Everyone at the bar turned toward The Breeze and waited, as if the next few words he spoke would reveal the true meaning of life, the winning numbers of the lottery, and the unlisted phone number of God.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“For the tourist, immersed in the oblivion of vacation spending, Cypress Street provided a bonanza of curious gifts to prove to the folks back home that they had been somewhere. Somewhere where they had obviously forgotten that soon they would return home to a mortgage, dental bills, and an American Express bill that would descend at the end of the month like a financial Angel of Death. And they bought. They bought effigies of”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“He had tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“The garlic bread lay there between them, steaming with implications. They, of course, must both eat it or neither could. Garlic bread meant garlic breath. There might be a kiss later, maybe more. There was just too damn much intimacy in garlic bread.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“Creatures of the night were rising from their resting places and venturing forth to feed on their unsuspecting victims.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“To say that Effrom was not a particularly good cook was an understatement akin to saying that genocide is not a particularly effective public relations strategy.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“Die Behauptung, daß Effrom nicht besonders gut kochen konnte, war eine Untertreibung von ähnlichem Kaliber wie die Feststellung, daß es sich bei Völkermord um eine nicht besonders erfolgversprechende PR-Strategie handele.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“»Du hast Heiden vernichtet? Ich dachte, die Erdgeister seien wohlgesinnt.«
»Jeder hat mal Aussetzer.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“Das Leben war Handeln, es gab keinen Frieden diesseits des Grabes.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“»Das Prinzip Moral verstehe ich nicht.«
»Das überrascht mich nicht im geringsten.«”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
“doch ihre Gegenwart hatte in ihm stets das Gefühl ausgelöst, daß seine eheliche Treue lediglich eine absurde Wahnvorstellung war.”
― Christopher Moore, quote from Practical Demonkeeping
Christopher Moore
Born place: in Toledo, Ohio, The United States
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“... Like having to be able to say to yourself, ‘I am pretending to sit here reading Albert Camus’s The Fall for the Literature of Alienation midterm, but actually I’m really concentrating on listening to Steve try to impress this girl over the phone, and I am feeling embarrassment and contempt for him, and am thinking he’s a poser, and at the same time I am also uncomfortably aware of times that I’ve also tried to project the idea of myself as hip and cynical so as to impress someone, meaning that not only do I sort of dislike Steve, which in all honesty I do, but part of the reason I dislike him is that when I listen to him on the phone it makes me see similarities and realize things about myself that embarrass me, but I don’t know how to quit doing them—like, if I quit trying to seem nihilistic, even just to myself, then what would happen, what would I be like?”
― David Foster Wallace, quote from The Pale King
“Trip smiles at me when I don’t respond. He thinks he’s won. But I can’t help it. I have to do it. I rear back and hit Trip in the fucking face as hard as I can. He falls to the floor like a stone, and Mr. Madison rushes from behind his desk. He calls for security, but they don’t need to come. I’m done here.”
― quote from Smart, Sexy and Secretive
“Excuse me? Tonight you represent every dateless woman in this city, every woman who's about to sit down to a lonely meal of Weight Watchers past primavera she's just nuked in the microwave. Every woman who will get into bed tonight with a book or reruns of Sex and the City as her only companion. You are our shining hope....But no pressure.”
― Nora Roberts, quote from High Noon
“Heroin got the drive awright-but there’s not a tingle to a ton-you got to get M to get the tingle-tingle.”
― Nelson Algren, quote from The Man With the Golden Arm
“Metaphysical rebellion is the movement by which man protests against his condition and against the
whole of creation. It is metaphysical because it contests the ends of man and of creation. The slave
protests against the condition in which he finds himself within his state of slavery; the metaphysical rebel
protests against the condition in which he finds himself as a man. The rebel slave affirms that there is
something in him that will not tolerate the manner in which his master treats him; the metaphysical rebel
declares that he is frustrated by the universe. For both of them, it is not only a question of pure and simple
negation. In both cases, in fact, we find a value judgment in the name of which the rebel refuses to
approve the condition in which he finds himself.”
― Albert Camus, quote from The Rebel: An Essay on Man in Revolt
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