Quotes from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“I was a wonderful parent before I had children.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“When we give children advice or instant solutions, we deprive them of the experience that comes from wrestling with their own problems.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Let us be different in our homes. Let us realize that, along with food, shelter, and clothing, we have another obligation to our children, and that is to affirm their “rightness.” The whole world will tell them what’s wrong with them—loud and often. Our job is to let our children know what’s right about them.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“The attitude behind your words is as important as the words themselves.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“The more you try to push a child's unhappy feelings away, the more he becomes stuck in them. The more comfortable you can accept the bad feelings, the easier it is for kids to leg go of them.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“It’s a bittersweet road we parents travel. We start with total commitment to a small, helpless human being. Over the years we worry, plan, comfort, and try to understand. We give our love, our labor, our knowledge, and our experience—so that one day he or she will have the inner strength and confidence to leave us.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Some children can tell you why they’re frightened, angry, or unhappy. For many, however, the question “Why?” only adds to their problem. In addition to their original distress, they must now analyze the cause and come up with a reasonable explanation. Very often children don’t know why they feel as they do. At other times they’re reluctant to tell because they fear that in the adult’s eyes their reason won’t seem good enough. (“For that you’re crying?”) It’s much more helpful for an unhappy youngster to hear, “I see something is making you sad,” rather than to be interrogated with “What happened?” or “Why do you feel that way?” It’s easier to talk to a grown-up who accepts what you’re feeling rather than one who presses you for explanations.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“نذرف الدموع أنا و أمي عندما تستحضر في ذهنها كيف كانت تحادثنا عندما كنا أطفالا، تقول: حينما أسمعك تتكلمين مع ابنك أخجل كيف كانت تحادثنا عندما كنا أطفالا."
(إحدى الرسائل التي أرسلها الآباء الذين استفادوا من الكتاب)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Once upon a time there were two seven-year-old boys named Bruce and David. They both had mother s who loved them very much.
Each boy's day began differently.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Sometimes just having someone understand how much you want something makes reality easier to bear. So”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“All we are given is possibilities— to make ourselves one thing or another. JOSÉ ORTEGA Y GASSET”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs. Then I had three of my own.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Living with real children can be humbling.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Children don’t need to have their feelings agreed with; they need to have them acknowledged.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Does my request make sense in terms of my child’s age and ability? (Am I expecting an eight-year-old to have perfect table manners?)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Does he feel my request is unreasonable? (“Why does my mother bug me to wash behind my ears? Nobody looks there.”)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Can I give her a choice about when to do something, rather than insisting upon “right now.” (“Do you want to take your bath before your TV show or right after?”)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Can I offer a choice about how something is done? (“Do you want to take your bath with your doll or your boat?”)”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“To Engage a Child’s Cooperation 1. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE, OR DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM. “There’s a wet towel on the bed.” 2. GIVE INFORMATION. “The towel is getting my blanket wet.” 3. SAY IT WITH A WORD. “The towel!” 4. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL. “I don’t like sleeping in a wet bed!” 5. WRITE A NOTE. (above towel rack) Please put me back so I can dry.           Thanks!           Your Towel”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“وكان الدرس الذي تلقيته أنه ليس كافيا تقديم خدمة شفهية لمشاركة الولد فيما يشعر به، بل يجب أحيانا أن نمشي خطوة إضافية لنرى الأشياء من خلال عيونهم”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“كل إنسان يمكن أن يقرأ كتابا، و لكن يحتاج المرء إلى عزم شديد، وإلى أن يقف نفسه على دراسة كل كلمة في الصفحة كي يستطيع أن يستخدمها في التغلب على حزنه وغمه.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“It’s a bittersweet road we parents travel. We start with total commitment to a small, helpless human being. Over the years we worry, plan, comfort, and try to understand. We give our love, our labor, our knowledge, and our experience—so that one day he or she will have the inner strength and confidence to leave”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kis. Also teaches them not to know what their feelings are--not to trust them.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Parents don’t usually give this kind of response, because they fear that by giving a name to the feeling they’ll make it worse. Just the opposite is true. The child who hears the words for what she is experiencing is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged her inner experience.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Living with real children can be humbling. Every morning I would tell myself, “Today is going to be different,”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“One father said that what helped him become more sensitive to his son’s emotional needs was when he began to equate the boy’s bruised, unhappy feelings with physical bruises.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“We say “please” to our children to model a socially acceptable way to make a small request. But “please” lends itself best to our more relaxed moments.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“There are youngsters who prefer no talk at all when they’re upset. For them, Mom or Dad’s presence is comfort enough. One mother told us about walking into the living room and seeing her ten-year-old daughter slumped on the sofa with tear-stained eyes. The mother sat down beside her daughter, put her arms around her, murmured, “Something happened,” and sat silently with her for five minutes. Finally, her daughter sighed and said, “Thanks, Mom. I’m better now.”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

“Is there any way to explain the fact that sometimes my kids respond when I ask them to do something and sometimes I can’t seem to get through?”
― Adele Faber, quote from How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

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“But I guess that's just a reflection of how the educational system today, being so overcrowded and impersonal, makes it so hard for adolescents to break through the preconceived notions of one another, and get to know the real person underneath the label they're given, be it Princess, Brainiac, Drama Geek, Jock, Cheerleader, or Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili.”
― Meg Cabot, quote from Party Princess

“I could see no reason for being sad. It´s just that it makes me unhappy not to feel happy.”
― Simone de Beauvoir, quote from The Mandarins

“Working with traumatized and maltreated children has also made me think carefully about the nature of humankind and the difference between humankind and humanity. Not all humans are humane. A human being has to learn how to become humane. That process—and how it can sometimes go terribly wrong—is another aspect of what this book is about. The stories here explore the conditions necessary for the development of empathy—and those that are likely, instead, to produce cruelty and indifference. They reveal how children’s brains grow and are molded by the people around them. They also expose how ignorance, poverty, violence, sexual abuse, chaos and neglect can wreak havoc upon growing brains and nascent personalities.”
― Bruce D. Perry, quote from The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook

“What’s going on here?” The loud masculine voice seemed to break the connection between the priestess and herself. Sophie’s eyes, which had been shut tight while she fought the awful memory, flew open and she looked up. Sylvan was standing over her with an angry look on his face. No, not angry—enraged, Sophia realized. His ice blue eyes were blazing and his fangs were out again, razor sharp and ready. The expression on his chiseled features made him look like an avenging angel towering over her. “Oh,” she gasped, unable to stop looking at his fangs. “I don’t know. I—” “What are you subjecting her to?” Sylvan demanded of the priestess who still looked completely calm. “I am simply looking into her. There is a shadow around her heart—it is my duty to see into it.” “Not if your seeing causes her pain.” Sylvan’s voice was a low, menacing growl. “Release her.” The calm expression on the Kindred woman’s face turned to anger and her grip on Sophie’s hands tightened until she squeaked in pain. “You overstep yourself, Warrior.” “That may be, but I will not see you hurt her.” Leaning down Sylvan put himself on the priestess’s level and looked into her eyes. “Release her now.” The grip on Sophie’s hands loosened and she pulled them away gratefully. The priestess still glared at Sylvan, her green-on-green eyes narrowed. “You have a shadow on your heart as well. A secret pain that taints your very existence—I see it in your eyes.” “My pain is not your concern.” Gripping Sophie’s hand, he pulled her to her feet and pushed her behind him protectively. “Now what do you have to say?” “Only this—have a care, Warrior.” The priestess rose smoothly to her feet and frowned up at him. “Danger dogs your steps—the shadow on your heart draws it to you. Even the shielding of your Kindred mind is no protection if you allow the darkness to overcome you. Ignore my warning at your own peril.” Then she turned and walked away, her head held regally high and her bare feet whispering over the green and purple grass. When she was gone Sylvan relaxed his protective stance and turned to Sophie. To her intense relief, she saw that his fangs had gone back to their normal length. “Are you all right?” he asked anxiously. “You sounded upset.” “I…she…she was making me remember—” She realized what she was saying and stopped abruptly. “Remember what?” Sylvan was still staring at her but she shook her head. “Nothing. I’m fine, really. Uh, thank you for rescuing me,” she added, hoping to change the subject. One corner of his thin but sensual mouth quirked up. It was the closest Sophie had ever seen him come to smiling. “Well, you looked like you needed rescuing.” “Unfortunately.”
― Evangeline Anderson, quote from Hunted

“Tobie. Unless I'm giving off steam, behave normally. I remember what to do. One foot in front of the other, but not both at the same time unless I'm a robin.”
― Dorothy Dunnett, quote from The Spring of the Ram

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