Quotes from Zombie Fallout

Mark Tufo ·  326 pages

Rating: (9.3K votes)


“I see a tongue! Some asshole is licking my peephole.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“Why didn’t I listen to my drill instructor from boot camp? He told us flat out, ‘Don’t EVER volunteer for anything! If you’re picked you go, but don’t EVER volunteer your worthless lives!’ Words to live by.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“Take heed your actions lest ye become like the enemy ye seek to destroy.’ ”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“If you, the reader, really, REALLY, want to know what was going on in Little Turtle, go feed your dog or your neighbor’s dog some chili, slathered in hot sauce and maybe throw in some chocolate cake. Okay wait for it, WAIT. Now about a half hour later, your dog’s innards are pretty much going to rupture, so make sure he’s outside. Now while this steaming pile of shit is still warm and fetid, place it in a plastic shopping bag—DON’T TIE IT UP! Now place the carrying handles one on each ear and inhale deeply. You must walk around with this bag draped across your face continually. Is this starting to punch through? Now, every time the dog crap begins to harden up and lose some of its edge, go grab yourself another refreshing pile of fresh dog offal. While you are breathing deeply of this savory concoction, try to eat some enchiladas or maybe some lasagna. Oh hell, just try to sleep with that thing affixed to your face.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“So let’s make sure we’re clear on this: Obviously the people that managed to get to the roof knew their lives were in danger. They had the presence of mind to climb to a safe haven and even to arm themselves as best they could. So far so good, but then one of the group decided that they might need some beverages to stave off thirst, still good. That person, fearing for his life, went to the beer section, which again is admirable, everyone knows beer is the nectar of the gods. But then he grabs Keystone Light? Are you kidding me? I’d rather eat the can than drink the contents.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout



“My face was puffed out like I had been stung by a hive of pissed off bees; although that doesn’t make any sense. I mean, if a bee stings you, then, by nature, he’s pissed off. Right?”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“it looked like we had gone through a car wash designed by Stephen King.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“Somehow it seemed nobler to die naked like a savage than with a terry cloth towel around my waist.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“My quasi-nightmare dream had come true. ZOMBIES were afoot.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“That person fearing for his life went to the beer section, which again is admirable, beer is the nectar of the gods. Then grabs Keystone Light? Are you kidding me? I’d rather eat the can than drink those contents.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout



“I was moving like an epileptic on crack—shitloads of movement with no purpose—but”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“Tracy got the point. There weren’t too many words that started with ‘z’ that could instill so much panic, unless of course a murderous zebra was loose in Denver and she was in the way of some succulent wild grass. Tracy spun around to face the threat. Her foot slipped on the newly-spilled Pepsi. Her left leg shot out wildly as she plummeted to the ground. The expression on the zombie’s face changed from happiness to confusion as it wondered where its meal had gone. It was a beat or two before its eyes tracked down and locked back on its prey.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“I couldn’t believe this guy was still alive. A field mouse would most likely send him shrieking into the night. Bad example, that would probably send me shrieking into the night, too.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“Shouldn’t we help them?” my wife asked as she pulled her head back into the car, already looking better now that she’d emptied her stomach. I motioned that she had a little something on the side of her face. She lifted her hand to remove the offending detritus. “Uh, other side,” I explained. She missed again. I wiped my face again to show her where it was. “Forget the damn puke!” she yelled. “Shouldn’t we try to help?” “No,” I mumbled. “What? Speak up, I can’t hear your altruism,” she retorted acerbically.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“Oh Jesus,” my wife muttered as we passed a small cluster just ravaging some poor soul.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout



“coming and death trembles in her wake!” As recorded by Mike Talbot’s wife as he lay tossing and turning in a semi-state of”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“Yeah that’ll go over well. You better hope all the ammo is gone before you make that little proposition. Besides it won’t work.” Alex”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“It was like watching The Terminator. Sadly, we were the Sarah Connors in this remake. Tracy’s”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“I have two pet peeves in life. Well shit, if I’m being honest I probably have about seventeen, but who’s counting? In”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


“What the hell is going on?” My adrenaline was pumping. My pet peeves were throbbing—all seventeen of them.”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout



“The walking dead weren’t in my back yard, but they were close. If they came through the gate now, this was going to be a short novella. My towel caught on the next-to-useless excuse for a lock on the door. I didn’t even stop to grab it. Somehow it seemed nobler to die naked like a savage than with a terry cloth towel around my waist. I”
― Mark Tufo, quote from Zombie Fallout


About the author

Popular quotes

“I will stop at nothing to make you mine, Onyx.”
― Victoria Ashley, quote from Hemy


“Believe me, a highly strung brain such as yours demands occasional relaxation from the strain of domestic surroundings. Forget for a little while that children want music lessons, and boots, and bicycles, with tincture of rhubarb three times a day; forget there are such things in life as cooks, and house decorators, and next-door dogs, and butchers’ bills. Go away to some green corner of the earth, where all is new and strange to you, where your over-wrought mind will gather peace and fresh ideas. Go away for a space and give me time to miss you, and to reflect upon your goodness and virtue, which, continually present with me, I may, human-like, be apt to forget, as one, through use, grows indifferent to the blessing of the sun and the beauty of the moon. Go away, and come back refreshed in mind and body, a brighter, better man—if that be possible—than when you went away.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, quote from Three Men on the Bummel


“I notice Ryke sitting on the edge of the bed with Daisy lounging drunkenly across his lap. “Big bad wolf…” She reaches up to touch his hair but her arm sags limply next to her. “Eat me.”
It’s a provocative, intoxicated statement that I do my best to block out.
Ryke lowers his head to her, kissing Daisy once…twice and then he says, “Every fucking day, sweetheart.”
― Krista Ritchie, quote from Fuel the Fire


“A problem that seems unsolvable always looks different in the light of a new day.”
― Peter Lerangis, quote from Lost in Babylon


“Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were addressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for one the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us! What do you say? It is true that when with folded arms we weigh the pros and cons we are no less a credit to our species. The tiger bounds to the help of his congeners without the least reflexion, or else he slinks away into the depths of the thickets. But that is not the question. What are we doing here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in the immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come -- ”
― Samuel Beckett, quote from Waiting for Godot: A Tragicomedy in Two Acts


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