Quotes from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

169 pages

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“Disclaimer: While Pastafarianism is the only religion based on empirical evidence, it should also be noted that this is a faith-based book. Attentive readers will note numerous holes and contradictions throughout the text; they will even find blatant lies and exaggerations. These have been placed there to test the reader's faith.”
― quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


“We are not saying that Evolution can't exist, only that it is guided by His Noodly Appendage.”
― quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


“Today Plato is nearly forgotten. His beliefs include the notion that people who govern should be intelligent, rational, self-controlled, and in love with wisdom, an idea that has long been discredited.”
― quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


“We find, counterintuitively, that a small population correlates with shorter humans, and a larger population correlates with taller humans. This only makes sense in light of the FSM theory of gravity. With more people on earth today, there are fewer Noodly Appendages to go around, so we each receive less touching—pushing down toward the earth—and thus, with less force downward, we're taller.”
― quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


“Someone has described religious warfare as “killing people over who has the best invisible friend.”
― quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster



“I have never even seen a witch, let alone felt the need to burn one to death. We can conclude, then, that our forefathers, equipped with the knowledge that supernatural explanations were reasonable, rounded up all the witches in existence and took care of them. The other possibility is that there are witches out there, hiding somewhere, plotting their revenge, liberally applying fireproofing compounds to themselves. And someday they may reappear and start causing trouble.”
― quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


“College costs money- a lot. Yet education in itself is not of much value. For example, we can look to the general public's almost complete disregard for anything that educated people have to say about global warming, shrinking oil reserves, pollution, or the threat of nuclear annihilation. But if all this is true, why does something as worthless as a college diploma cost so much money?”
― quote from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


Popular quotes

“Achan carried Arman inside him. He was part of Arman's light. So was every man, woman and child in Er'Rets who believed. Alone, as one man, Achan could not succeed. But if all the people joined together...

Because the temple of Arman was his people.”
― Jill Williamson, quote from From Darkness Won


“Wahoo's father had absolutely no use for creeps who beat on small animals, especially kids.”
― Carl Hiaasen, quote from Chomp


“We say that the most dangerous
criminal now is the entirely lawless modern philosopher. Compared
to him, burglars and bigamists are essentially moral men; my heart
goes out to them. They accept the essential ideal of man; they
merely seek it wrongly. Thieves respect property. They merely wish
the property to become their property that they may more perfectly
respect it. But philosophers dislike property as property; they
wish to destroy the very idea of personal possession. Bigamists
respect marriage, or they would not go through the highly
ceremonial and even ritualistic formality of bigamy. But
philosophers despise marriage as marriage. Murderers respect human
life; they merely wish to attain a greater fulness of human life in
themselves by the sacrifice of what seems to them to be lesser
lives. But philosophers hate life itself, their own as much as
other people's.”
― G.K. Chesterton, quote from The Man Who Was Thursday


“I give Iggy credit for deconstructing the very idea of entertainment.”
― Kim Gordon, quote from Girl in a Band


“The white men on the Brinkley set were trying not to grin, like cheap lawyers at a ten-car pileup: Uh, did that mean Senator Dole didn’t think all the facts were out? Didn’t he believe the White House, that North and Poindexter were the only ones who knew? The Bobster dropped an eyebrow and rasped: “Aghh, don’t think Ripley’d believe that.”
― Richard Ben Cramer, quote from What It Takes: The Way to the White House


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